


Unintended

by MadamSnark



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aftermath of Torture, Amaranthine (Dragon Age), Antivan Crows, Awakening, Blood and Violence, Darkspawn, Drama, Drinking, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Grey Wardens, Implied/Referenced Torture, Long-Distance Relationship, NSFW, Post-Awakening, Relationship(s), Romance, Smut, Talking Darkspawn, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vigil's Keep, awakening cast, the crows - Freeform, when will zevran return, zevran in antiva
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-06-10 17:00:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6965581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamSnark/pseuds/MadamSnark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kallian Tabris and Zevran have enjoyed their months off after defeating the archdemon but duty calls and each must go their separate ways. Zevran returns to Antiva for some unfinished business with the Crows while Kallian finds that there are more obstacles to face than darkspawn at Vigil's Keep in Amaranthine. Kallian knew she could handle anything with Zevran at her side, but what happens when he can't be there when she needs him the most?</p><p>This takes place through Dragon Age Origins: Awakening and beyond.</p><p>*****Currently on Hiatus due to an Origins fic I'm working on and the way that story develops will shape how this one changes******</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Last Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to HQuinn for not only being my beta for this first chapter but for also being the source of my inspiration to write this fic. You rock!
> 
> This chapter is NSFW.
> 
> Feel free to comment and leave a Kudos to make me smile

Nearly six months had passed since Kallian had survived slaying the archdemon. While she remained in Denerim, living in the Warden compound with Zevran, the rest of her companions had parted ways. Though she still saw Alistair from time to time when he wasn’t busy with his kingly duties, she spent most of her days with Zev or with her family in the alienage. Unfortunately she knew this relative peace and simplicity wouldn’t last forever, and that interruption came in the form of a letter from Weisshaupt requesting her to step up as the Warden Commander. From there, things only got worse when Zev had confessed to her that he had his own troubles to contend with in Antiva.

“Do you have to go, Zev?” Kallian asked for the hundredth time while she changed into a nightgown.

Zevran’s warm hand caressed her cheek as he gave her the same answer he had given every time she asked over the past month. “Ah but you know I must, mi amor. I am not one to simply sit idly by waiting to be picked off like a fresh nug.”

Kallian huffed and ran her hand through her dark blonde tresses as she tended to do when she was anxious. Zevran caught her hand in his own, “What is troubling you, my warden? Have you so little faith in me? I am confident the Crows will not dispose of me so easily.” He gave her one of his trademark easy grins.

“I’m just going to ignore how cocky you sounded, but no that’s not all that’s worrying me.”

“Come then, tell your Zevran what the problem is and I will ease your worry, I am sure of it.” Kallian warmed at the way he called himself ‘hers’. While he hadn’t for even a second toned down the confident swagger he possessed, his open and honest affection towards her had only grown and continued to fill her with a feeling akin to floating. 

Zevran’s amber eyes bore into her own as light touches to her hand sent tingles down her spine. Zevran’s larger hands were back up to her face stroking her high cheekbones and weaving fingers into her hair. Kallian was normally quite open to Zev’s methods of stress relief but she pulled away from his insistent caresses as the knot in her stomach only tightened. 

“Zev, I’ve barely been a Warden for a year and they want me to command a bunch of foreign wardens, who don’t know me from squat all while somehow being a sodding Arlessa? Did they miss the pointy ears? Who will even take me seriously? I wouldn’t even take me seriously. I’m barely nineteen. I couldn’t even tell you the names of half the Bann’s in Ferelden, let alone the nobles of Amaranthine. Oh and did I mention that I’m an elf? This is insane. What was Alistair thinking?” Kallian ranted, her voice becoming higher pitched as she carried on breathlessly.

“And since when has being an elf stopped you from doing anything, my sweet? I certainly do not think the archdemon cared what your ears looked like when you ran a sword through its head, no?” Zevran calmly responded.

“That’s different and you know it Zev,” Kallian groaned as she slumped backwards on their shared bed in the Warden compound. 

“In my experience I have found that swords prove to be quite effective in both matters of darkspawn and in politics, but maybe that is just me,” he chuckled lightly.

Kallian rolled her eyes, “So you think I should just stab anyone who gets in my way and to the void with the consequences?”

“Well I think you tried that already and it ended with you conscripted into the Grey Wardens, did it not? I usually aim for a subtler approach but again that could just be me,” he said with a wink.

Kallian sighed again, “I just wish you were coming with me, Zev. At least then I could just point you in the direction of anyone giving me trouble. I would be a feared leader in no time.”

“I knew you were only using me. But I must admit I thought it was for my stunning body, not my assassination skills. You truly are a devious one my Warden.” Zevran glided to her side on the bed, propping himself up on one elbow to look at her with a twinkle in his eye.

“That my favourite assassin also just happens to be an incredible bed warmer is simply a side benefit,” Kallian said with a smirk.

“I certainly hope I am your favourite, though I am not sure how many more assassins you could have met. But it is true that none can compete with the awesomeness that is Zevran.”

Kallian hit the side of her cocky elf’s head, “Zev I’m trying to be serious here!”

Zevran let out a hearty laugh in response and deftly caught her hand this time as she reached out to hit him again. “Oh I am always serious when it comes to me being awesome.” His eyes softened as he kept her hand still in his, his thumb brushing across it. “Whatever obstacles you face mi amor, I have the utmost certainty that you will overcome them. What are a few pesky nobles in the face of the Hero of Ferelden, hmm?”

“You know it really feels good to shove that title in Shems’ faces when they think they can get all high and mighty over me.” Kallian snorted, “How absolutely humiliating to have to thank an elf for saving your entire sodding country.” Now Kallian laughed outright. 

“Quite right, my warden. Truly you have done more for this country than most. I do not think you will have such trouble at Amaranthine as you think.”

Kallian hummed as his caressing moved up her arms and he brushed her hair behind a pointed ear. “Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re leaving me tomorrow. Who else am I supposed to depend on to watch my back?”

“Ah it is true I will miss staring luridly at your backside but I am certain that someone else can fulfill that position temporarily. As long as they do not watch too closely,” Zev grinned then leaned down to nip at her earlobe playfully.

Kallian panted as he continued to tease her ear with his tongue, knowing how sensitive she was there. “But I don't think I can find a replacement for this,” she breathed out unsteadily.

“No you are quite right about that, but as you say, I do not head out until the morning. I believe we have proven that between your stamina and my... _experience_ that we can certainly make use of the long night ahead of us,” Zevran’s hot breath in her ear combined with his delightfully seductive Antivan accent sent shivers running down her spine.

Kallian scooted back on their shared bed, tugging her assassin back along with her so that he was pressed flush against her. He resumed his languid ministrations along her left ear with his velvet tongue, only pausing to caress the golden hoop that pierced her lobe. 

Fed up with his teasing, Kallian wove her fingers into his thick blond hair and tugged his face back up to her so she could assault his lips with her own. She slid her tongue along his bottom lip before his lips parted and their tongues met. Zevran’s hand began a slow descent to the bottom hem of her night shirt and sent goose pimples along her flesh where he lightly traced up her thigh. Inch by inch he lifted the hem with only the barest of touches on her creamy flesh all the while still delving into her mouth with passionate kisses. He continued his torturous climb back up her body finally reaching his goal with a tweak to her right nipple.

Kallian broke the kiss with a gasp as his deft hands continued to pinch and pull at her now hardened nipple. Zev only smirked down at her knowing exactly what he was doing to her and planning to play her like a lute.

He continued to tease with light brushes across the tip followed by sudden pinches and soon Kallian was mewling. “Zev, _please_.” She thrust her hips up to him needing to feel some sort of friction.  
“Your wish is my command, mi amor,” Zevran answered huskily before drawing her nightgown up and over her head. 

In a flash Zevran’s mouth replaced his hand on her breast and he began to swirl his tongue around her peak before drawing it into his hot mouth and sucking hard, yielding another low moan from Kallian. Her other nipple was not to be forgotten as his hand was then pinching and pulling it to a hard peak while he continued to lick and suck his way up her breast and to her collar bone. The dampened trail on her skin cooled and she shivered at the contrast of her flushed skin. Zevran’s mouth was working wonders on her neck as he wound his hand into her hair to tilt her head so he could get the perfect angle to suck and bite a trail from behind her ear, down to her shoulder and back up again.

Kallian was panting for him now, eager to feel his touch at her hot, wet core. His lean body was pressing against her, surrounding her with the smell of leather and spices, her Zevran. She clenched her hands around his shoulders trying to force him further down where she needed his mouth most and realized he was still fully dressed. That just wasn’t fair.

Sitting up, Kallian shoved him back from her so she could untuck his linen shirt from his pants and yanked it over his head.

“Somebody is impatient,” Zev said.

“Shut up and take your pants off, Zev,” Kallian grinned.

“As you wish.” The laces of his leggings were undone quickly and as soon as he pushed the waistband down his hardened cock popped free.

Kallian licked her lips and her eyes flicked back up to meet smouldering amber eyes as Zevran looked at her with the intensity she knew to be love, though he hadn’t said so in as many words. 

Zevran was standing just at the edge of the bed giving Kallian very easy access to his solid member. She crawled forward and, biting her lip to keep back the smirk, she teased him with a lick along his glistening slit, where a drop of precum was forming.

“Ah,” Zevran breathed, immediately sweeping her hair back from her face and into one hand. He loved to look down at her as she took him skilfully in her mouth. Truly she had improved in that area compared to the rather inexperienced person she once was.

Kallian took the head into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the tip. Each time she pulled back she then took him even deeper into her mouth until she was almost at the base of his shaft. She set a fast pace and Zevran’s hand in her hair encouraged her on as he tugged her head back by her hair and pushed himself back into her hot mouth. 

Zevran was panting as he tried to maintain some semblance of control while Kallian moaned around his cock filling her mouth. His free hand stroked her cheek, her ear, running up and down the side of her face. 

“Si, si, oh mi amor,” he panted when he then felt her cupping and fondling his balls at the same time her tongue stroked along his slit, driving him into a frenzy. “Ah mi querida, tan bueno. Mierda, no puedo.”

Kallian recognized once Zev reverted to his native Antivan that he was rapidly losing control and she let his swollen cock leave her mouth with a pop. Zevran pushed the stray strands of hair behind her ears and cupped her face, bringing her up to meet his lips with a soft kiss. 

“The things you do to me,” he rumbled in a husky voice. He kissed her again with the taste of his cock still fresh on her tongue.

“I belong to you,” Kallian told him. It was their own way of saying ‘I love you’ and she was perfectly content with that.

“And I, you, my dear Warden. I also am thinking it is my turn to ravish you, si?”

Kallian laughed, “Si, indeed.” Then she yelped as Zevran expertly flipped her to her back and dragged her hips towards him where he was kneeling on the bed.

Kallian took in the view of his naked form kneeling above her. Her dark eyes traced the swirling black tattoos that came across his right shoulder, across his hairless chest and settled down the side of his hip. He was beautiful. Especially when his erect cock stood proudly before her, shiny with her saliva. She wanted him to fuck her but he was still content to take his time.

Warm hands caressed the sides of her small, pert breasts, flicking over her rosy nipples before sliding down her sides. He kissed her flat stomach just above her navel and murmured into her, “Bonita.”

Warmth flooded her as she knew the meaning of this endearment quite well. He called her ‘pretty’ as he frequently did when they were making love, or while she was slicing the throat of a bandit. He found her wickedly attractive when she sliced through people with her daggers, just as he did when she was laid out before him naked and wanting as she was now.

His mouth then descended from her stomach towards her wetness and she groaned when he went straight to her inner thighs pressing kisses there and she heard his muffled chuckle.

“Zev,” she whined, thrusting her hips up suggestively.

His response was only to chuckle again and give her a bite to her inner thigh, silencing her. His right arm came up across her hips to press her down into the mattress, while he took his time lazily kissing and licking up and down her thighs. Finally his tongue probed at her lips before delving into her tight entrance. He kissed and licked all while Kallian moaned and clenched the sheets in her fists. His tongue finally made its way to her aching clit and he sucked hard, which pulled a shriek from Kallian. Her hands flew to his hair, tangling into his normally immaculate braids. She kept his head firmly pressed against her while she thrust up into his face only wanting more.

His warm hands were firm as he forced her thighs open further apart while he devoured her juices. Kallian was whimpering and panting at his every touch. He continued his ruthless attack on her over sensitive nub while he pushed first one, then two, long fingers into her making her gasp and arch her back. He curled his fingers upwards and began a slow thrusting in and out. He continued to lick and suck on her clit while his fingers picked up their pace. She was so full yet not full enough.

“Zev, Zev, oh please Zev, more,” Kallian chanted.

Her hair was sticking to her neck with sweat while she was grinding her hips into his talented mouth just hoping to bring herself over the edge. She could feel heat pooling in her belly and knew she was close as she kept up her chanting of ‘more’ to her Antivan lover.

Zevran kneeled back and pulled his sopping wet fingers from her, making her whine at the loss of contact. Kallian’s focus completely zoned in on his lips when he brought his fingers up to his mouth and tasted her on his skin. His lips turned upwards in a seductive smile and eyes closed with a hum of approval. 

“Delicious.”

“I need you,” Kallian whispered.

“Then turn over,” said Zevran.

Kallian immediately flipped to her stomach and got up on her hands and knees. Her hair fell down around her face exposing the tattoo of the Vhenadahl that she had Zevran do on her upper back while they were still fighting the Blight. He pressed his lips at the center of her back and trailed kisses up along her spine until he reached the nape of her flushed neck, sending shivers through her body.

“On your belly, please,” he softly spoke into her ear before placing a gentle kiss behind it.

She complied quickly, stretching herself out along her stomach with her head pillowed in her arms, just hoping he would finally take her as she desperately needed.

Zevran gently pushed her thighs apart before taking his firm length in his hand to push against her soaking entrance. Both elves moaned as the sensations engulfed them. Zevran pushed forward almost agonizingly slow as Kallian adjusted to the feeling of fullness inside her. When Zevran’s hips met with hers she expected him to pull back but he didn’t yet. He draped himself across her stretched out body so that his legs trapped hers between his own muscular thighs, and his lean chest pressed down across the length of her back. He grasped her hands in each of his own, intertwining their fingers together so that her hands too, were trapped beneath him. All she could feel and smell was Zev all around her. His weight was comfortable and warm against her and she could feel every hot breath of his on her neck.

His mouth was back at her left ear with kisses and teasing bites as he finally withdrew almost as slowly as when he had entered her. “You are mine, mi amor. Never forget that,” he spoke huskily into her ear as his thrusts started picking up the pace.

Kallian only moaned in response, feeling overcome just by the overwhelming presence of her Zevran. His body completely surrounded hers and he continued whispering endearments into her ear between kisses that were driving her wild. He was everywhere and all she could do was take it with the way he had her completely immobilized by his body alone.

“More, more. Harder. Please!” Kallian could barely get out the words between her desperate gasps for breath.

Zevran pounded into her from behind, still keeping up the stream of endearments, slipping between Antivan and the Common Tongue. “Bonita, sweet girl, mine,” he growled.

Kallian was tensing up as she approached her peak. Her toes were curling and she let out a whine. Zevran was bucking wildly into her. “Come for me my warden, come for your Zevran. I want to feel your pussy squeezing my hard cock,” his husky voice caressed her ear.

The sound of his Antivan accent talking dirty drove her to that orgasm she had been waiting for. Kallian’s body stiffened and she clenched Zevran’s fingers in hers as the spasms wracked through her body. He grunted soon after and finally let go as well, filling her with his seed.

The lay as they were, panting for a while before Kallian spoke, “I can’t breathe.”

Zevran apologized, kissing her on the shoulder sweetly before he rolled off of her. They easily situated themselves so that she was curled up against his chest listening to the sounds of his heartbeat and their combined breathing in the otherwise silent and dark room. Zevran busied himself with undoing the completely messed up braids of his hair while Kallian idly traced the black lines of his tattoos with a callused finger. They sat like that for some time, just enjoying one another’s presence and taking comfort in each other’s arms.

Zevran dozed off for a while, his arm still loosely around Kallian’s waist. Kallian eventually nudged him awake with her elbow.

“Mm?” Zevran blinked at her.

“Think you can go again?” she asked, trailing her fingers down her lover’s chest.

Zevran grinned at his insatiable warden, “For you? I think that can be arranged.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> mi querida - my dear  
> tan bueno - so good  
> meirda, no peudo - shit, I can't


	2. Parting Ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to HQuinn for her lovely comments and helpful notes <3

Kallian stirred and stretched, feeling the delightful aches of the lovemaking she had enjoyed several times the night before. She rolled over seeking Zevran’s warmth and found only his empty space in the bed. Her heart began pounding in her chest. “Zevran?” she called out anxiously.

“Yes, my Warden?” Zevran’s voice traveled from farther down the hall.

He must be in the armoury. Kallian threw the covers off and padded down towards the main hall in her bare feet, taking a left to the small armoury in the compound. Ever the early riser, Zevran was in the process of buckling up the final straps to his familiar leather armour as the faint light of the still rising sun trickled down through the window.

“There you are,” Kallian said with relief.

“Did you miss me?” he teased.

Kallian combed her fingers through her hair and answered sheepishly, “I thought you had left already…”

“Without a final searing kiss sure to drive you senseless? Perish the thought!”

“That kind of kiss might just convince me to go with you,” Kallian half-joked.

Zevran didn’t return her jest. Instead he was silent as his gaze held hers for a long moment, almost as if he was memorizing her features. He brushed the back of his hand across her cheek before sliding his hand into her hair and pulling her face into his chest in a tight hug. The buckles of his armour dug into Kallian’s arms and stomach but she didn’t care. The way he held her was as if he was...scared?

Finally he spoke, “I would never put you in that kind of danger. Not if I could help it. Antiva City is no place for you, Kallian.” The use of her name made her blink in surprise. He always used one form of endearment or another - though she still didn’t know what ‘mi amor’ meant.

“If I can take on an archdemon I don’t think assassins are going to give me too much to worry about. Hero of Ferelden and all that, remember?” Kallian tried to tease Zevran but his features remained serious.

“You have been ambushed twice by Crows, and yes, the one by myself was intended to go badly of course, but you have not been at the receiving end of a blade in the dead of night, or a drop of poison slipped into a drink, only to have it act hours later.” Zevran’s hands turned to fists at his sides as he turned away from Kallian. “You have not needed to fear the shadows and know that a masked killer is out there waiting for you. This is what awaits the mark of a crow and I will _not_ put you through that.” .

The way he described the Crows, and the way he was acting this morning, it all made Kallian grow worried. “Zev,” she reached out, put a hand on his shoulder and hesitantly asked, her voice shaking, “You will come back, won’t you?” She wasn’t sure what she hoped to hear. Cocky reassurance that meant nothing? The truth that he might not return?

He turned his head to graze her hand with his lips, barely a touch. “I… intend to return to you, yes. Believe me, I will do everything in my power to stay by your side, mi amor.”

Kallian drew closer, brows furrowed. She stepped in front of him again but was dismayed when she saw his clouded gaze and how his expressive eyes wouldn’t meet hers. She placed a hand on his chest, hesitant to say what she wanted to, but she forced it out anyway.

“If...Zev, if you’re not certain you can do this… if you might…,” Kallian couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘die’. She huffed, “Why put on this show of bravado? Why go on and on telling me that you will be fine and that it’s ‘practically a vacation’ as you so aptly put it?”

“Why worry you endlessly over the days to come. Better to enjoy each moment we have until we are parted, no?”

“But now I _am_ worried, and I don’t even have time to convince you that there’s another way, that you don’t _have_ to go!”

Zevran smiled sadly. That was the point. The decision had been made and there was no turning back now.

“You would have only agonized longer. This _is_ the only way. I have thought through many plans. Best for me to strike at them first before I, myself, am caught unawares.”

Zevran could be quite stubborn when he got it into his head that he was protecting her. An admirable trait, if not frustrating for Kallian. It wasn’t as if she was some damsel in distress.

“Just be careful, Zev. As careful as you can be. I need you.”

Zev tilted her head up by her chin and placed a kiss firmly on her forehead, then twice on her lips, the second lasting much longer as if he hadn’t gotten enough from the first one. “Just know that I,” he paused, looking conflicted, “know that I am yours,” he sighed into her hair, pressing her once more to his chest.

He finished gathering everything for his pack - Kallian imagined it to be filled with a variety of poisons, as was his trademark - and she walked him out to the front door of the Grey Warden Compound. Every step down the now much too short hall made her more aware that the future with Zevran was turning into an unknown. She stood there, still in her nightgown, taking in the sight of her Antivan elf one last time for what would likely be months.

“Ah don’t look at me like that, my warden. It will not be so long. You will be so busy killing darkspawn you will hardly miss me.” His trademark easy going attitude had returned.

Kallian smiled and shook her head, appreciating his good humour to help ease her fears. “Well you had better miss me! No prostitutes. Understood, Zevran?”

Zevran bowed and sighed heavily as if she had ruined his plans, “As you wish.”

Kallian scoffed, knowing of course that he had not even considered the idea of prostitutes.

“It really is time for me to be heading off. The early Crow catches the other Crow as the saying goes,” said Zevran.

“You know, I really don’t think that’s how it goes.”

“No? Well it is certainly applicable in this situation. I believe I am correct in this one, my dear.”

Kallian just rolled her eyes but pulled him into a final goodbye hug. His firm arms encircled her waist tightly and she was back in her favourite place; surrounded by warmth and the smells of leather and spices.

“I will return, mi amor,” Zevran whispered to her. He gave her a parting kiss to her cheek and then he was out the door while Kallian was left standing in the doorway watching him until he ducked around a far corner to the main streets of Denerim where the bustle of the market was only just starting up in the far too early hours of the morning.

With a sigh, Kallian closed the door, resting her back against it. She hadn’t planned to leave until later in the day herself, never being much of a fan of early mornings. Part of her was tempted to go back to bed for another couple of hours but the idea of the cold, empty bed waiting for her without the warmth of Zevran greatly diminished the appeal.

Instead, Kallian ambled through the compound to the kitchen so she could raid the cupboards. When in doubt, eat. That had been her and Alistair’s motto for most of the blight. Particularly when it came to cheese. She happened to have some leftover Orlesian cheese that, had Alistair also been living in the Warden compound along with them, would have already been finished days ago. She nibbled on bread and cheese, trying to keep her mind off of Zevran and focusing on her own upcoming rather daunting task. Sure facing an archdemon had been a horror on its own, but nobles? Did anybody remember she didn’t exactly have a great record when it came to dealing with nobles? She certainly had her experience in killing them, but that probably wouldn’t endear her to any of the nobles at Amaranthine.

Great, so now she wasn’t worrying over Zevran but agonizing over her upcoming duties as Arlessa. It appeared that whatever peace of mind she had in the last several months had also left the building with Zev.

The chair scraped along the floorboards when Kallian pushed away from the table. If she was up, then she may as well get ready to leave. She traipsed back down the corridor, stopping in the armoury to grab her own set of armour and then down to the wing containing her room. Kallian got her familiar old rucksack from the chest containing her travelling gear and set it on the bed. She turned to the old oak wardrobe to get her simple linen shirts and pants that she preferred to carry with her for travelling. Kallian then pulled the nightgown over her head, and gave it a sniff, deciding it was still clean enough to toss in her pack with her other things. She didn’t feel like wasting time doing laundry and it was summer, so she didn’t want to bring any heavier sleep clothes.

She then proceeded to dress in her Grey Warden armour with practiced efficiency. Being one of the only, although she supposed she was technically the only _official_ Grey Warden now, in Denerim meant she had the pick of the various arms and armour left at the warden compound. She looked in the mirror, admiring yet again the blue of the quilted gambeson and the official Grey Warden heraldry across the chest plate.

Despite being a small elf, she certainly cut the intimidating figure with her armour strapped on, long daggers at her hips, and the jagged scar that ran through her right eyebrow gave her the look of a seasoned warrior. She smiled as she tucked a knife down either boot, and two more into the hidden straps along her forearms. If anything, being in a relationship with an assassin certainly taught her a few things about carrying concealed weapons.

As she was still looking in the mirror she noticed a reddish purple mark at the junction where her neck met her shoulder. Kallian actually laughed out loud. Zevran had done that on purpose! She carefully pulled her collar up, trying to cover the love bite but he had positioned it just so, and no amount of adjusting would hide it. So be it. She would just have to let everyone know she proudly belonged to an Antivan assassin. Why not? It wasn’t as if she had given the nobles of Amaranthine any other reason to take her seriously. And, if she was being honest with herself, she kind of liked having the evidence of her last night of pleasure with Zevran. A farewell token of sorts.

Kallian took the time to braid her long hair in an Orlesian style that Leliana had taught her. She found it perfect for keeping all the stray hairs tucked back along her head and therefore perfect for a girl who tends to get caught in fights and battles. Kallian noticed one of Zevran’s loose shirts still hanging in the wardrobe and on an impulse decided to stuff it into her pack along with her own clothing and supplies.

Kallian made her second stop at the kitchen that morning to stock up with dried meat, bread and cheese. It wasn’t a long trip to Amaranthine, but her Grey Warden appetite refused to be ignored. Even at that moment as she finished off the Orlesian cheese she had snacked on at breakfast.

She had shouldered her pack and was heading to the door when she heard it creak open. Immediately Kallian crouched down to recede into the shadows around the corner. If someone was intruding, she wasn’t going to let them get the jump on her. The footsteps thudded down the hall. That alone gave her pause as she started to stand up. Who makes that much noise if they’re trying to ambush someone?

The shadow of the large person came into her view and she took the chance to strike with her dagger already in her fist at the same time a familiar voice called out, “Kallian?”

She jerked her wrist to a stop in front of Alistair’s startled face.

“Um… are you going to keep me at dagger point or can I hug my best friend goodbye?” Alistair said.

Kallian sheathed the dagger and blushed sheepishly. “Whoops. I guess… well, Zev always taught me you can never be too careful.” Kallian slapped the side of his arm playfully, “Besides didn’t anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on a rogue?”

Alistair raised an eyebrow. “Yes. That’s why I _wasn’t_ sneaking.”

“I’m sorry?” she batted her eyelashes, playfully asking for forgiveness.

Alistair waved his hand, unconcerned. “I think we’ve learned in our circle of friends that trying to kill one another just means we care,” Alistair said with humour colouring his words. “Anyway, you’re obviously read to go. Off to do some serious Grey Wardening and whatnot.”

“I was just about to head out, yeah.”

“Then I’m glad I caught you! I have a gift, from the King himself or so I’ve heard.” Alistair winked conspiratorially then his eyes seemed to zero in on her neck. “Really, Kal?”

She blushed and clapped a hand to the spot she knew Alistair was focusing on. “Yes, yes. I’m sure somewhere out on the road Zevran is laughing at me right now.”

“He did that on purpose, didn’t he?” Alistair asked, already knowing the answer.

“Definitely.”

“The nobles at Amaranthine are _so_ going to love you,” he deadpanned.

Kallian quickly changed the topic, “Oh I do so wish to see what His Majesty himself has present as a gift for one such lowly Grey Warden.”

Alistair rolled his eyes at her use of his title which she so often used to annoy him. They walked companionably back out to the front door with Alistair still chuckling to himself about her obvious love bite.

“Look, there’s your gift.” Alistair pointed out the door to two large horses; one a dappled grey, and the other chestnut.

Kallian’s eyes widened in surprise then narrowed as she turned back to Alistair, her hands on her hips. “Alistair, you know I can barely ride,” she hissed.

He put a hand to the back of his head awkwardly, “Yes well, I suppose that’s the second part of your gift?”

Kallian just looked at him uncertainly. A horse? Actually, two horses? What would she need two for? He knew Zevran wasn’t coming with her.

Alistair just guided her by the elbow to the horses and that was when she noticed there was another woman standing there in full plate armour.

“Kallian this is Mhairi, and Mhairi, this is now I suppose, the Warden-Commander, Kallian. Mhairi is a new recruit and has arrived to escort you back to Vigil’s Keep so I figured I could provide you with horses to make the journey quicker. And she can give you a few pointers,” Alistair drew out the ‘and’ before admitting that he was getting a recruit to teach Kallian to ride better.

The dark haired warrior crossed her arms over her chest giving a slight bow to Alistair, “Thank you, your Majesty.” She then saluted Kallian, “Commander, I’m ready to ride to Vigil’s Keep, at your orders.”

Kallian was thrown by someone addressing her by her new title, and with such obvious respect already, but she tried not to show it. If she was going to be the Warden-Commander, she better make a good job of pretending she knew what she was doing. “Thank you, Mhairi. I have only a few things to attend to and then we can be off. Can we meet at the gates in half an hour?”

“Yes, Commander.” Mhairi effortlessly mounted her horse and clicked with her mouth to signal the grey one to follow her.

When the warrior left Kallian faced Alistair again. “Fantastic, now I’ve got some new recruit I’m supposed to take care of _and_ I have to pretend I’m not a complete idiot about horses so she doesn’t find out her new commander is a total moron!”

“I…um… you’re not happy, are you?”

“What gave you that impression, Alistair?”

“If it helps, she’s not some green recruit. She’s been a soldier since she was sixteen. She’s a capable warrior and a good person. She’s not going to think less of you because of your riding experience. There certainly aren’t many horses to be found in Ferelden to begin with. She’s exactly the type of person you want volunteering to join the Grey Wardens.”

Kallian groaned suddenly and put her head in her hands.

“What?”

“Joining the Grey Wardens. The Joining. I have to recruit people knowing half of them probably won’t make it.”

Alistair looked down at her in sudden understanding and sympathy. He had been there at her Joining and already knew how hard it was to watch when you weren’t sure who would make it out the other side.

“It is a sacrifice we must make,” he said solemnly and put a heavy hand on her shoulder.

They stood in silence for a moment, lost in memories of the Joining before Kallian sighed.

“I really should be off. I need to go to the Alienage to say goodbye to my family still.”

“Yes, yes, just don’t forget about me okay?” Alistair scooped the small elf into a crushing bear hug.

“Gah! I can’t breathe you big oaf!”

Alistair laughed and put her down before speaking more seriously, “Just be careful. You nearly lost an eye once.” He traced the scar over her eyebrow. “Don’t go rushing into battle, and don’t befriend any more assassins!” He said the last part as a joke.

“And you don’t let anyone tell you what to do. _You’re_ the king. If you believe something is the right choice. Make that call. You really are making out to be a wonderful king, brother.”

Alistair blushed at her praise then coughed, “Anyway, off you go. I expect we’ll be seeing each other sooner than you think.”

Kallian looked at him in confusion but he just swept her back into a slightly less crushing hug before they parted ways, both veering off in different directions. Alistair headed back to the center of the city to the palace while Kallian wove through familiar alleys to get to her former home, the Alienage.

She immediately spotted Shianni’s bright red hair and was amused to see her, not surprisingly, telling off a couple of young boys for teasing a girl. Her loud mouth often got her in trouble, but it warmed Kallian’s heart to see that what happened to her had not changed Shianni. She was still sticking up for the little people, just as caring as ever, if only more wary of humans than she already was.

“Shianni!” Kallian called to her and waved.

Shianni shooed the boys away and yelled back boisterously, “Cousin! Almost didn’t recognize you under all that fancy Grey Warden nonsense.”

Kallian laughed and hugged her favourite cousin as they drew closer. “I’m about to head off to Amaranthine. Is Soris around?” Kallian looked about to see if her other cousin was nearby.

“No, you just missed him. He’s already left to the Blacksmith’s. But I’ll pass on your goodbyes.”

“Thanks!”

Shianni peered over Kallian’s shoulder with exaggerated efforts. “So, no assassin following you around today?”

Kallian shook her head, “No, for right now...he had something personal come up. He’s… away for a while.” She didn’t want to say more than that. Zevran being a former Crow was already a tense subject in the Tabris household. She wasn’t about to explain his mission to kill a bunch of Crows to her cousin.

Shianni took her silence as a hint to move on from the subject, instead chattering away about her duties as Bann. The two elves walked with their arms looped together through the alienage to Kallian’s old home, where her father still resided.

“Uncle Cyrion! Look who’s here! The great and mighty, saviour of all peoples, Hero of Ferelden!” Shianni started shouting as they got near the house.

Many elves looked up, staring as her shouts drew attention from around the street. Kallian suddenly wished she wasn’t wearing her obvious Grey Warden armour which only drew further attention. It was still strange to be revered by people in her own alienage, the people that she grew up with, scrubbed pots and played tag with.

“Shut up, you,” Kallian hissed.

They stepped into the house with Shianni still giggling at Kallian’s expense. Her father was at the small wooden table eating a simple breakfast of porridge.

Cyrion smiled softly at his daughter when he saw he come in. “Come to say goodbye to your old Papa?”

“You know I wouldn’t leave without seeing you first.”

“Well come then, sit and have something to eat before you go,” Cyrion nodded towards the pot on the wood stove.

Kallian eagerly scooped up some porridge into a bowl for herself and another for Shianni and they sat and ate quietly. It was still strange to Kallian sometimes, to be seated around the table with her family, as if nothing had changed when so much had.

“I am so reminded of your mother at times like these. Off to fight without even looking back. Just promise you’ll take care of yourself,” her father spoke wistfully.

“I always do.”

“And give those Shem lords something to think about when they see you taking over as Arlessa!” Shianni piped in.

“Between you and me, Shianni, I think people are going to have to get used to elves in positions of power real quick,” Kallian smirked.

Shianni crossed her arms looking pleased with herself, as always. “Good,” she stated.

“I’ll write when I can. I don’t know how busy I’ll be, but I will try to keep in touch best I can.”

“Give ‘em hell, cousin,” Shianni said as she hugged her.

“Be safe, be strong, and come visit us once in awhile. You always have a home here,” Cyrion hugged his daughter and stepped away with a hand on her shoulder, taking in the appearance of his once young daughter, who now seemed to have aged so much in a year.

“I will, Papa, and I love you,” she said softly.

Kallian left the two at the house and finally made her way to the gates of Denerim after passing through the crowded market with some difficulty. Mhairi stood at attention when she saw the Commander arrive. The Warden and recruit mounted their horses - Kallian with some difficulty due to not only her short stature but lack of experience. With a final look back at the streaming throng of people pushing their way through the market, Kallian looked ahead as they set off for Amaranthine, or she would have if she could make her horse move.

“Come on!” She swished the reins and dug her heels into the horse’s sides but it seemed content to stand there whatever the rider may have wanted of it.

Mhairi clicked her tongue and called, “Arrow!”

Kallian’s horse immediately trotted to catch up to Mhairi and her horse.

“First thing you need to know, Commander, this is Arrow and if she can tell you’re afraid, she won’t listen to you.”

“Bloody brilliant,” Kallian muttered.

As they journeyed towards Amaranthine, Mhairi continued to teach Kallian the subtleties of horseback riding and Kallian continued to hate it. After the first day, her inner thighs ached and she could barely walk. Barely being able to walk was much more fun when Zevran was the cause of it.

By night they made camp and Kallian got to know her recruit. Mhairi often spoke of honour and duty and how she felt being a Grey Warden was the best way to fulfill that. Kallian’s stomach twisted nervously as some of the words Mhairi used brought up images of Ser Jory. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to get to know new recruits. How could she not though? They were travelling together. It would look rather odd if she simply ignored the woman and if she survived the Joining then she probably would go on thinking her Commander hated her for some reason. Truthfully Kallian had no idea how to handle recruits. It was one more thing she would have to learn.

At the dawn of the third day, the walls of Vigil’s Keep greeted the two travelers. They both urged their horses on faster. Rather, Mhairi spurred her chestnut horse into a gallop and Arrow ended up following. Kallian was looking forward to both a hearty meal, and the chance to avoid riding a horse for a good long while. Some gift, Alistair.

Upon riding up to the gate Kallian’s spine tingled and her head buzzed as she immediately sensed something was wrong. They got closer yet and saw that the gate was closed but there were no guards to man it. Sounds of steel scraping and clattering together and frantic shouts reached Kallian’s ears. It dawned on her what the buzzing in her brain was coming from.

“Darkspawn,” Kallian gasped.

“What? Here? In the Keep? How?”

Mhairi’s panicked questions barely filtered through Kallian’s mind. The new Commander of the Grey was already planning battle tactics and figuring out a way to get into the keep. Darkspawn, she was always ready for. Darkspawn, she could handle.

She turned to Mhairi with a grim smirk playing upon her lips, “You ready to be a Grey Warden? It’s show time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or a Kudos to brighten my day!
> 
> Art done by Quincy-Sue on DeviantArt - http://quincy-sue.deviantart.com/


	3. Nothing is Ever Easy

They dismounted their horses and tied them off to a tree. Kallian was already planning how to get over the wall. It shouldn’t be too difficult considering no one was actually there to stop her. Climbing walls and roof tops was just one of the many things a city elf learned growing up in Denerim. Mhairi, however seemed less sure of herself so Kallian told her she would scale the wall and then get the gates open for Mhairi.

Some quick rope work had Kallian doing just that in no time. Calloused hands moved one over the other along the rope as she carefully found her footing on the rock wall. She was just able to see over the edge of the wall and when she placed her right foot in the wedge between two stones one of them crumbled away. Her foot slipped and she slammed into the wall, scraping her cheek as she clung on to the rope for dear life. Her heart pounded frantically in her chest.

“Are you alright!” Mhairi yelled from the bottom of the wall.

Kallian gritted her teeth and planted her feet firmly back up against the wall where there were no crumbling pieces of stone. “Fine,” she responded tersely. 

After heaving herself over the side of the wall at last, Kallian immediately put her hands to her daggers, keeping her eyes and ears peeled for any signs of darkspawn. Wherever the darkspawn had come from, they didn’t seem to be swarming all over the walls but neither did any guards. The shouting she had heard from the gate had dimmed to somewhere further within the Keep.

Kallian put all her strength into turning the wheel to open the heavy gate. Mhairi immediately came through, sword and shield at the ready. Kallian motioned for the warrior to follow her and they both ran towards the sounds of battle. They came across a group of soldiers who were barely holding their own against a large group of genlocks. Mhairi cried out a war cry and charged head on to assist the rapidly tiring guards. 

There were dead guards strewn about as well as several corpses of the foul darkspawn. Kallian slipped around the edge of the group, cutting into exposed necks and delving her daggers deep into the backs of darkspawn who were too busy parrying blows with soldiers to notice the deadly rogue at their backs. When Kallian’s face appeared from behind a falling darkspawn, relief appeared across one soldier’s face.

“The Hero of Ferelden is here! To arms, men!” He rallied his comrades to engage in the fight with redoubled enthusiasm.

Kallian tried to keep an eye on Mhairi as she slipped among darkspawn, dodging axes so she could slip a dagger into an armpit, another dagger finding its home in a neck. Mhairi appeared to be holding her own. She was skilled after all. She might make it. Kallian hoped anyway. 

The sharp bite of a sword slicing across her upper thigh forced a grunt out of Kallian. A dagger into the eye socket swiftly ended the genlock’s life before it could swing at her head. She cursed and pressed a hand to her wound, trying to keep the pressure on. She put thoughts of Mhairi out of her mind and focused on slaying the few remaining darkspawn. She was still holding her leg injury closed and could feel the blood seeping out from between her fingers. She held her ground and instead pulled a few flasks that Zevran had made for her from her belt. The flasks of acid shattered upon contact with the darkspawn and left them screeching, which enabled the soldiers and Mhairi to finish them off.

With a limp in her step, she went to check on her recruit and grab a health poultice from her bag. When she crouched down, the pain from the wound caught up with her and she hissed at the intense sting.

“Commander, are you alright?” Mhairi asked.

“I’ll be fine. Really makes me miss Wynne right about - ah!” The salve stung as she coated her wound in it and wrapped it up in bandages tightly. It would accelerate her healing but it would still take a while to close fully. 

She got to her feet and tested her leg with a few squats and lunges. It pulled awkwardly but the wound  wasn’t gaping open anymore and it would allow her to keep fighting. 

“Okay we’ve got to keep moving forward. If there are Wardens alive in there, I intend to save them.” Kallian tried to sound confident, but seeing only a few straggling soldiers and already a huge group of darkspawn… she didn’t hold onto too much hope.

The soldier she had surprised earlier jogged up to her then. “Warden-Commander, we’re so glad you’re here! The darkspawn, they just came out of nowhere. I don’t know if anyone in the main hall survived. We tried to push them back but…” the poor man seemed to lose his words as he wavered between awe at seeing the Hero and guilt and not being able to protect the Keep.

Kallian wasn’t sure what to say. She knew he was reeling with the loss of so many of his men but a large part of her was angry that the guards had let this happen. Why couldn’t she ever arrive somewhere and it be peaceful? For once it would be nice to be welcomed with a hot meal, a bed, and perhaps no fighting. Just once! She held back her ire as best she could and issued her orders, though rather curtly, “Have your remaining men go back to guard the gate. The darkspawn are mine to deal with.”

The guard crossed his arms over his chest and relayed the orders to the other four men. They took off back the way Kallian and Mhairi came while the Commander gestured for Mhairi to follow her towards the gates of the inner reaches of the Keep. 

Of course this area too was flooded with darkspawn and dread curled in her stomach when she saw an emissary as soon as she peeked around the corner from the wall they were shielding themselves behind. The fear in her stomach knotted tighter when she recognized Grey Warden insignia on several of the fallen soldiers nearby. How did the Grey Wardens get ambushed?

“They have an emissary,” she whispered lowly.

“A what?”

“Magic darkspawn. Not a good time, generally.”

“They have magic?” Mhairi gasped.

“Unfortunately, yes. I’m going to see if I can sneak around and take it by surprise. The sooner it’s down, the easier it will be on us to take out the rest.”

“I can draw the other darkspawn to me. It will give you a better chance to get the emissary,” Mhairi suggested.

“It also gives you a better chance to get killed!”

Mhairi ignored Kallian’s warning and with a mighty roar, charged into the throng of darkspawn, her shield bashing against darkspawn skulls.

“Fucking, shit!” 

Kallian was forced to leap into action as well. She tucked and rolled to a stairwell, keeping out of the battle. The emissary was up just up the stairs and she could feel the crackle of energy in the air as it began to cast. She didn’t have time to look out for Mhairi. Without Alistair’s templar abilities or even a healer to help, fighting a magic-wielding enemy was bad news. It unleashed a massive wave of energy and the ground shook when the gate was blasted apart from the force.

Every darkspawn, as well as Mhairi, were thrown to the ground. There was a lull in the fighting as they each staggered to their feet. 

The emissary was now turned with its back to her, ready to cast again and the rogue knew that it was her time to strike. She only wished she had some magebane. Zevran had shown it to her before, but the ingredients were rare so it hadn’t exactly been high on her list of priorities. It had time to unleash a huge bolt of lightning before her daggers proved effective when she sliced through the neck of the emissary with one blade and then stabbed her other dagger through its chest for good measure. 

She leapt from the stairs back down to where Mhairi was faltering against a massive hurlock and two genlocks. Mhairi swung her shield wide to counter a blow from the hurlock’s sword but that left her wide open for the arrow that pierced through her left shoulder. Her shield hand dropped and Kallian ran in to protect her recruit from another sword headed her way. 

Kallian caught the greatsword on her daggers but the weight of it drove her down and sent shockwaves through her arms. She twisted away to try to get a stab into the hurlock’s side but the genlock with the bow loosed more arrows and she had to duck into a roll to avoid the incoming attack. 

When she got up again she was behind the hurlock and finally managed to get a few slices into its arms. The cuts barely slowed it down as it whirled to face her. It swung its large sword overhead and opened its mouth to roar when a sword jutted from its gaping maw instead. Mhairi, having abandoned her shield, yanked her sword out from the hurlock’s head and kicked the darkspawn in the back. Now it was just down to the two genlocks. 

Mhairi was the first to rush forward with her shield back in her hand. The genlock archer tried to retreat but Kallian was already behind it and a stab in the throat ended its life with nothing but a gurgle from the darkspawn as blood filled its mouth. Kallian was removing her blood covered dagger from the throat when she caught Mhairi’s eyes widening and her mouth forming an ‘O’ shape. 

The warmth of blood trailing down her side registered first and then came the searing pain, like fire coating her ribs. She stumbled forward pressing a hand to her right side. Mhairi regained her focus and with renewed strength raised her sword overhead and ran at the remaining genlock. She feinted right then whirled around to slice the darkspawn’s head clean off, splattering the tainted blood across Kallian and the stone walls behind her.

Hot blood ran between Kallian’s fingers. She hunched over, gasping. It felt like the dagger had nicked a rib. 

“My pack,” she wheezed and leaned against the wall. 

She didn’t have any more poultices on her belt. She didn’t even think she had more in her bag but she had to check. Stupid, really. She should have known by now that nothing was ever easy.

The warrior was winded and looking pale. Just holding her shield up was causing her pain, but she could at least still use it. Kallian, on the other hand, wasn’t even able to move certain ways without pain shooting through her side and leaving her gasping. Stab wounds: great against enemies, not so fun on the receiving end.

Mhairi returned and tossed Kallian’s bag to her. Kallian only took a moment to dig through her things, knowing with a sinking feeling that she was out.

“Shit.”

Mhairi looked around nervously, “Commander, we should get out of here. There’s a door over there. We can’t risk standing  out in the open like this. More darkspawn could be upon us any moment.”

Kallian nodded and staggered forward with some effort. “And next time, don’t you dare go charging in against my orders.  I’m serious about emissaries, those bastards can take down an entire squad easily. We were lucky.” Kallian wanted to lecture Mhairi further, but the flares of pain in her side cut her off.

Mhairi paled at the reprimand and apologized stiffly.

Every step made the pain flare up again but Kallian limped forward, knowing they had to get out of open ground. With both of them injured, it would be the perfect time and place to strike. Mhairi didn’t know the darkspawn could sense Grey Wardens either. All the better to get out of there.

They walked through the blown open gate. Several darkspawn corpses littered the area but there was no sign of any survivors. Whoever had slain them must have moved on already. With great effort Kallian heaved herself up the stairs, gritting her teeth against the twinges of pain.

Shouting sounded from the behind door and Kallian forced it open with her left shoulder. Adrenaline pounding made her forget about the pain in her right side for the moment and her daggers were back in her hands. It turned out they were completely unneeded when she watched a tall blond man roast several darkspawn alive with fire coming straight from his hands.

A mage!

“Er… it’s not what it looks like?,” the mage turned and offered an all too innocent looking smile.

“Looks like you just killed a whole lot of darkspawn,” Kallian said with her jaw clenched to keep from gasping at the hot pokers in her side. Ramming the door open had really aggravated the deep laceration. Stupid again.

“Well, Biff, over there got a few kills in. Shame I couldn’t save him,” he motioned with his head to a couple of dead templars.

Apostate then.

“Don’t need to hear the story. I just need to know: can you heal?”

The man did a double-take and seemed to recognize that the women in front of him were both pretty badly injured. The casual grin slid from his features and morphed into immediate concern.

“I happen to be one of the best, actually. This will only take a moment. Why don’t you both sit down over there. Maker knows you both seem to need it.”

A strained whine escaped Kallian’s pale lips when she shuffled to the bench. No matter how she moved, her injury seared in pain. She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. Exhaustion both from all the fighting and her loss of blood was starting to catch up with her. Mhairi stoically stood by with her hand pressed into her own wound to keep the bleeding down.

The apostate appeared to concentrate for a moment until a pale blue glow began to emanate from his hands. The light grew brighter until he directed his magic towards Kallian’s injured side. A pleasant tingling warmth crawled across her and the pain lessened dramatically. His magic seeped into her until her flesh completely knitted itself together. 

She got up and tested her newly healed skin. Twisting back and forth created a strange tugging sensation in her side, as if the skin was stretched a little too thin, but it was better than bleeding out. She could move again!

Her eyes met the man’s warm brown ones, over a foot above her. “Thank you…?”

“Call me Anders.”

“Kallian, I mean, Warden-Commander Kallian… you know what, Kallian is just fine. And this is my recruit, Mhairi,” Kallian stumbled over her introduction, forgetting her title. 

Anders turned to Mhairi. “Well now we can’t let another beautiful lady sit here in pain, can we?” The same blue light returned and he directed his magic to the arrow-wound in her shoulder.

“You’re lucky this didn’t go straight through. I may be a healer but arrow holes torn straight through the muscle are nasty business. Probably wouldn’t be able to hold a shield up right away even after being healed.” The light faded and he prodded the closed skin with a soft hand before proclaiming to be done.

“I know we just met and you’ve already done enough, but any chance you can set fire to some more darkspawn for us? Not to mention I’ve been reminded how wonderful having a healer around can be,” said Kallian. 

She hoped this ‘Anders’ fellow could prove invaluable in clearing out any remaining darkspawn in the Keep. Not to mention she was already formulating ideas about how to deal with his ‘apostate’ title. 

“Always happy to be of service to a fine lady such as yourself,” Anders gave her a charming smile.

Oh no. Kallian was  _ very _ familiar with his type. One might even say intimately familiar.

She only rolled her eyes and laughed. “Alright Anders, just keep behind us and do your mage thing.”

Anders smirked and she could imagine what was going through his mind. Butts. He was thinking about their damn asses. 

“And pay attention,” she snapped.

“Plan to,” he sang playfully.

Kallian didn’t have a retort for that so she spun on her heel and marched forward, up to the battlements. A bolt of energy immediately shot through her, making every muscle tighten painfully, causing her to sink to her knees.

“Sodding emissaries again!” She recognized the lightning that was shooting from a genlock’s hands. 

There were only two of them but just one emissary could cause massive damage. She eyed their surroundings, as usual looking for higher ground and any way she could slip behind enemy lines. Movement out of the corner of her eye had her suddenly shouting.

“Anders, no!” Why did everyone insist on charging right in? 

She rushed in behind him but then was amazed when both the emissaries appeared to be frozen in place. Not with ice, just not moving.

“Is this why you kept going on about needing a mage?” Mhairi asked in awe as she stepped around the motionless darkspawn.

“Simple paralysis spell. Any more and I probably wouldn’t be able to hold them all, but just two is easy enough,” Anders bragged while Kallian poked a genlock. “Though I would still kill them quickly, it doesn't hold forever,” he warned.

The elf sheepishly stepped away and unsheathed a dagger. She lunged forward and buried it deep in the genlock’s eye socket. Mhairi followed suit and her sword quickly pierced through the other genlock’s chest.

“That was almost too easy,” said Kallian.

“That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?” Anders said cheekily.

“Oh really? I thought it was a mage’s job to stand back and look pretty while we do the real fighting,” Kallian couldn’t resist taking a jab at him.

“Looking pretty? Well I suppose I could do that.”

Mhairi interrupted their banter, “Commander, I believe we can get to the inner courtyard of the keep through that barricade.”

“Okay, any idea how to get thr-” Mhairi slammed into the wood and it shattered around them. “Oh. Good. Let’s move on then.”

They rushed through the courtyard to open another gate, leading north through the keep. An enormous bang filled the area. Darkspawn were literally blown to bits in front of their eyes leaving gore and filth covering the area. A dwarf laughed almost maniacally and ran further into the keep. What was that?

Only a few darkspawn remained after the massive explosion. Daggers flashed as Kallian parried and twirled. A crude sword drove straight towards her face and she managed to dodge to she side but it still left a cut on her ear. Anders was behind them casting electricity out into the fray. Bolts danced from one darkspawn to the next, bringing them down. An enormous hurlock, however, was still thundering directly towards Mhairi. Steel met steel and Mhairi blocked blow after blow with her shield. Kallian finished off another genlock and ran to help the recruit. An arrow struck her in the thigh but she pulled it out and limped forward, keeping her weight on her good leg. 

Warmth filled her up all of a sudden and she glanced back at Anders to see him infused with that same blue light. She looked at her thigh and saw that it was barely punctured now. It was enough to keep her on her feet to help Mhairi kill the hurlock alpha. 

They continued north and Kallian noted with relief that it seemed to be quiet. Until an arrow nearly struck her in the foot.

“Ambush!” she cried and ducked for cover.

Anders was already whipping up a storm of lightning to cover the area. Several of the archers got struck and fell to the ground, unmoving. An emissary that none of them noticed hurled a ball of flame directly towards Anders. His feathered robes caught fire and he was thrown backwards with a surprised grunt. 

Kallian didn’t have time to help him when she was met face to face with another emissary. Her dagger barely made it towards the genlock when her entire body froze. Kallian was afraid. Mhairi was engaged in battle with three darkspawn already. Anders was somewhere behind her, probably charred within an inch of his life. She struggled in panic against the ice encasing her. The genlock leered at her and began casting once more.

A growling cry came from behind the darkspawn horde at that moment. A short man - no a dwarf was swinging a huge axe like a madman. He was everywhere. When one enemy fell he was already chopping the head off another. She could just track his red hair and beard - wait red hair? It couldn’t be.

Drips of water turned into warm puddles at her feet and she was finally able to turn her head to see Anders, devoid of his cloak, and looking slightly blistered, aiming fire towards the block of ice surrounding her.

Kallian was about to strike out, with her feet still frozen but a great axe severed the surprised emissary’s head from its shoulders.

“Oghren!” Kallian cried out.

“Took your sweet time getting here, elf. Thought you could use some help from old Oghren,” he teased her and leaned against his axe.

Kallian looked around for Mhairi and saw her wiping sweat off her brow and walking towards them. Everyone was alive.

“Are you okay, Anders?” Kallian asked.

“They destroyed my favourite robes. They were Tevinter-made,” he pouted.

She shook her head at his pouting. “Mhairi, Anders, meet Oghren. Penchant for drinking, bloody crazy, and helped me fight against the blight.”

Oghren belched loudly, “Couldn’t have sodding done it without me and you know it.”

“Course not. But what are you doing here?”

“Came to join up of course. You need me. Wardens are as good a bunch as any. Didn’t expect to find all those Orlesian nug-humpers dead though.”

Kallian was surprised to hear he wanted to become a Grey Warden. What about Felsi? Was he still with her? Those was a question for another time, however. They still had a Keep to clear out and Oghren was more than welcome to help with that.

Going through yet another door Kallian was shocked to see a Grey Warden on the floor, leaning up against the wall. He was still alive! She dropped to her knees in front of him seeing that he had been run through by a sword in the gut.

“Rowland, you’re alive! What in Maker’s name happened here?” Mhairi rushed forward clearly recognizing the Grey Warden.

“Ambushed,” he wheezed. “The one that commands them. Speaks.”

“Speaks? What, you mean talks?” Kallian gave a doubtful glance towards Oghren. There was no such thing as talking darkspawn. “Anders, can you heal him?”

Anders suffused himself in the healing blue light and tried to repair all the damage done to Rowland. He broke away sweating. “I’m sorry there’s just too much. My mana is low and… well even then I don’t think I can do anything. I’m sorry.”

The warden shook his head, barely a twitch from side to side. “Too late for me. Find the one that talks. Avenge us, sister,” he looked directly into Kallian’s eyes. She saw as the light faded from them and rolled up into his head.

“He’s gone,” she announced solemnly.

“So talking darkspawn, eh?” Oghren broke their silence.

“I don’t know. Well, whatever it is, we have to push forward and find out. I have a hard time believing they can speak. I mean they aren’t intelligent, are they? They need an archdemon giving them orders,” Kallian fished for some sort of reassurance that it couldn’t be true.

“They ambushed experienced Grey Wardens here. They did it before you could arrive, Commander. I don’t know much about darkspawn, but this seems like an organized attack,” said Mhairi.

“I really don’t like the sound of that but you have a point,” Kallian admitted reluctantly.

More waves of darkspawn rushed towards their group but the four of them managed to dispatch each wave quite quickly. With Anders backing them up with healing spells and the occasional burst of fire, the warriors and Kallian were able to focus on their direct attacks. Kallian was especially relieved to find several more groups of soldiers who had barricaded themselves in rooms with some civilians.

The group found their way up yet another set of stairs which brought them up to the roof. Kallian gasped when she saw a darkspawn shove a soldier off the roof. She heard his screaming until a distant thud told her that his body met the ground.

They ran up to where a darkspawn was holding a man on his knees at sword point. Another darkspawn seemed to actually be talking to him. 

“You are thinking you know of our kind but you know nothing. Your ideas are soon being changed,” it spoke in a garbled gravelly voice.

“Others will come. They will kill you!” The grey-haired man countered.

The talking darkspawn turned around when Kallian and her companions thundered towards it.

“It  _ is _ talking!” Anders exclaimed.

“Not saying anything I’m interested in,” Kallian crossed her arms. Talking or no, her job was to put down darkspawn.

“Kill the others! We be capturing the Grey Warden!” The darkspawn ordered in his disturbing rumble.

Anders tried to paralyze the darkspawn but only one hurlock was trapped in the spell. The talking one, the leader, came straight for Kallian.

“Oh no you don’t!” she yelled as she whipped her trusty daggers out. 

She could tell it was a leader immediately when she faced it in battle. It was evidently smarter, and stronger. Instead of the straight brute force that she associated with a hurlock alpha, this one had the cunning to back it up. She was barely holding off the blows from its sword. She preferred not to fight one on one with a warrior. Looking around frantically she saw Oghren and Mhairi taking down the other darkspawn. Where was Anders?

In her one moment of distraction the talking darkspawn lunged with his sword and swiped across her chest. The blow reverberated off her chest piece but knocked the wind out of her. She was still gasping for breath when the darkspawn yanked her up by her hair and started dragging her backwards.

Images of oozing, fleshy broodmothers flashed before her eyes. Big slimy, tentacled monsters spawning tainted creatures from the rotted depths. 

“Help!” she shrieked, now panicking and twisting in its grip. 

She flailed her arms and kicked her legs, losing all sense of proper evasion and self defence tactics. Her only thought: _flee_.  
Nobody noticed her, Mhairi was facing the opposite direction and Oghren was taking on three darkspawn at once. _No_. Not the deep roads. Not today. Her struggling grew in effort as she held on to the arm of the darkspawn, trying to stop it, while simultaneously trying to reach the knife in her boot. Her fingers brushed across the handle once, twice, got it! The talking darkspawn jerked her head suddenly and the knife slipped from her grasp as she howled in pain. Andraste’s fucking tits! Kallian’s insides filled with dread.

Anders came running towards her at last, appearing pale and sweaty. He directed his staff at the darkspawn and let loose a stream of flames that left the darkspawn howling in pain and Kallian dropped to her knees when his grip went loose.

Anders leaned heavily against his staff. He was panting and she noticed tremors in his hands. That must have been the last of his mana.

Kallian caught her breath then grabbed the knife from the ground and lunged at the burning hurlock at the same time Oghren roared and leapt from behind. Oghren’s axe buried itself in the darkspawn’s back and Kallian’s knife swiftly slit its throat. It was done.

“Didn’t think we’d let the sodding bastard get away with you, did you?” Oghren said as he wiped his axe off on the dead darkspawn.

“Next time just don’t cut it so close,” Kallian tried to shake off the panic that still clawed at the edges of her mind. 

Oghren had her back. She was fine. The deep roads weren’t going to take her today. Kallian took a deep cleansing breath and walked to where the man was getting up.

“Commander, I have no idea how you got here in time. They were everywhere. I just...thank you."

Kallian nodded at his thanks.

“I’m Seneschal Varel. I run Vigil’s Keep, day to day tasks, keeping the order...er… well usually keeping the order. Anything you need I’m here to assist you.”

“Well I think we’re certainly going to have our work cut out for us,” Kallian looked around at the ruined gates, and bodies littering the grounds.

She noticed the day had turned into the early greys of dusk. Had they been fighting all day? No wonder her bones ached and she felt ready to drop.

The Seneschal was already discussing plans and orders of business as the weary group made their way back down to the front gates of the keep where all the surviving soldiers had gathered. Every time Kallian found a few she ordered them back to the gate. Their numbers were low but it was better than nothing.

She was about to ask about a place to rest when horns blared and two of the guards rushed to open the gates for the visitors. It was the sound of the royal horn. Alistair?

Sure enough, in marched King Alistair in gleaming golden armour with his royal entourage of Denerim palace guards tightly behind him. 

“How lovely of you to show up, your Majesty,” Kallian said sarcastically with an exaggerated bow.

Both Mhairi and Seneschal Varel looked affronted at her disrespectful attitude.

“Oh get up! You know how it is. I can’t just go when I please. It’s always ‘Oh King Alistair, don’t forget your royal guard. King Alistair you need your royal wash cloth. King Alistair you can’t leave without your royal cheese!’ Alright the cheese part isn’t so bad,” he laughed.

“Oh so  _ that’s _ the excuse you’re gonna use to explain why you left me here to deal with all these darkspawn. Sure, play the ‘king’ card,” Kallian mocked him, just happy to see another familiar face after the day she just had.

He rolled his eyes at her familiar teasing before getting back to the matter at hand. “So darkspawn at Vigil’s Keep? I really am sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. Looks like you handled it alright on your own by the looks of it.”

“We lost the Orlesian Wardens. I was too late to save them. If it wasn’t for Oghren and Anders joining us-”

“That man is a dangerous apostate!” A woman in templar armour interrupted Kallian, pointing angrily at Anders.

“You travel with Templars do you?” Kallian frowned.

“Part of the whole royal guard thing,” Alistair sighed.

“He is a murderer and deserves to be hung for his abysmal crimes!” The woman continued to shout.

“Ser Rylock, calm yourself. I believe Kallian has something to say,” Alistair looked at her with a twinkle in his eye.

This was the moment then! “I hereby conscript Anders into the Grey Wardens,” she said smugly.

“I-what, but your Majesty!” Ser Rylock sputtered.

“The Right of Conscription is entirely up to  _ Commander _ Kallian to use,” he said, emphasizing Kallian’s title.

Ser Rylock’s mouth drew into a thin line of displeasure.

“Me? A Grey Warden? I suppose that could work out quite well!” Anders said cheerfully.

“If that’s all then? I suppose you have things handled here. Can’t believe it. Finally get to see some action and you’ve already killed everything in sight. No fair!”

“Maybe next time you won’t be late!”

“Indeed,” Alistair grinned. “Looks like we’ll be off then. Headed to Highever to give some more assistance to Teyrn Cousland.”

Alistair and the guard did an about face and headed out the way they came. Kallian was left standing with her, now three, recruits. She was exhausted beyond measure, had darkspawn blood all over her and just wanted some food and a bed, but she knew there was one more task to take care of. 

As if reading her thoughts, Seneschal Varel asked, “If you would like to see to the Joining tonight, meet me inside the main hall and I will have everything prepared.”

Darkspawn blood painted the walls and grounds of the keep so they certainly wouldn’t have any shortage of it for the Joining. There was no point in putting it off so she nodded and motioned for everyone to follow the Seneschal back into the keep. Butterflies flew in her stomach because it was time to oversee her first Joining. She fervently hoped they would all make it. 


	4. The Joining

The group walked wearily back through the Keep and into the surprisingly welcoming main hall. The torches were lit casting a comforting glow on the Keep’s interior. Kallian realized it was quite a blessing that the darkspawn had not managed to desecrate the entire inside too. 

While she had been staring around the wide room in awe the others had all stopped behind her, unsure of what to do next. Time to be a leader again.

“So, all of you have pledged, erm,” Kallian started over, “Each of you…” She sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. “I’m not good with any of that formal shit. You all have talents, and the Grey Wardens need them. You want to be a Grey Warden? You have to go through the Joining. It’s not pleasant, I’ll say that much.” Kallian held up a hand when Anders opened his mouth. “No, I really can’t say any more. So let’s just get this over with shall we?”

Her recruits nodded their assent and Kallian realized she still had no clue what made up the Joining formula aside from darkspawn blood. A small moment of panic overtook her and she locked eyes with the Seneschal who had walked to the back of the room and he waved her over.

“You are wondering about the Joining, am I correct?”

Kallian gaped and then whispered, albeit loudly, “You know about the Joining?”

Seneschal Varel chuckled good naturedly, “Being Seneschal to a Grey Warden Keep comes with it’s privileges. One of them being privy to certain information.”

“So do you know how to do it? Make the blood thing in the chalice?” She asked in her typical level of eloquence.

“I do, and will prepare it now if you wish.”

Kallian nodded, “Do it. No point in drawing it out.”

Oghren had disappeared to who knows where, and Kallian realized he had been at the keep waiting for her to arrive so probably already knew his way around. Probably knew his way straight to the liquor supply.

It was just Kallian, Anders and Mhairi sitting in the hall and appreciating the chance to rest their feet. Kallian dodged the usual questions about the Joining that she remembered asking Alistair as she had followed him around the camp at Ostagar. She also avoided the questions with the same absolute lack of skill that Alistair had. Zevran was the master of avoiding questions, not Kallian.

Oghren wandered back in with a flask in hand, looking quite content.

“Not wasting any time, I see,” Kallian teased.

“They got the good stuff here. Not gonna let it go to waste,” Oghren answered and took another swig.

“You weren’t kidding,” Anders watched Oghren with disbelief.

Seneschal Varel returned holding a familiar silver chalice. Kallian’s stomach tightened and her palms began to sweat. If there was a Maker out there would he be so kind as to please let all her recruits make it? 

She stood by the Seneschal’s side trying not to fidget while her three potential wardens stood in a semicircle around her. Kallian was the only one to make it through her own joining out of three. What if only one survived? She hoped Oghren would. Maker, that was terrible! She hoped all of them made it.

Kallian realized they were all looking to her expectantly. She cleared her throat nervously. “In order to face the darkspawn, we take in their blood so we can master their taint. It’s what gives Grey Wardens their abilities.”

“We drink their blood?” Anders interrupted looking decidedly less cheerful while Mhairi’s eyes grew round in apprehension.

Kallian, however, pushed on, “We speak a few words before the Joining. Join us brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten and that one day we shall join you.”

“Mhairi, step forward,” Kallian raised the chalice towards Mhairi and hoped nobody could detect the slight tremble in her hands.

Mhairi’s dark eyes became solemn as she schooled her features into a fearless mask before she grabbed the chalice. Kallian resisted the urge to twist her hair in her hands while she watched Mhairi drink deeply. Nothing happened for a fleeting moment when Kallian reclaimed the chalice until Mhairi let out a horrible yell and her hands flew to her throat. She was choking and convulsing on the floor at Kallian’s feet. Her eyes rolled back and her hands clasped at her throat. Kallian could do nothing but stare and wait for death to claim her. A final choked gasp announced Mhairi’s death.

“I’m sorry Mhairi,” Kallian whispered hoarsely. 

Kallian locked eyes with Oghren and he gave a rueful smile. “Let me at it, Warden. Ain’t nothing Oghren can’t drink.” Kallian fervently hoped he was right. She would hate to be reunited with an old comrade only to then be the cause of his death.

He swiped the chalice from her, almost eagerly, and started gulping down mouthfuls.

“Oghren!” Kallian shouted in alarm, reaching to rip the chalice out of his hands.

Luckily, she didn’t have to because he finally stopped and let out one of the loudest and most disgusting belches she had ever heard. He smacked his lips a few times before promptly falling backwards with a groan as his eyes rolled back in his head. She stared for a moment, watching his chest rise and fall evenly.

“He lives,” she announced with relief.

Anders was left staring at Mhairi’s still body with apprehension and fear. Kallian didn’t blame him. She was the last one at her own joining. Fear, anxiety, the feeling that your death was both imminent and inevitable. She knew every emotion that crossed his face, recognized him warring within himself.

“Anders, you have to do it,” she pleaded in hushed tones. 

He gulped and nodded, seeming unable to voice anything. She handed the chalice to him. He covered her hands with his large smooth ones for a moment and finally seemed to find his voice. 

“If… if anything happens. I just want to thank you. Even if it...ends… you did save me from the Templars’ grasp and just I needed to say thank you.”

It was foolish but Kallian found herself saying, “You’ll be fine.”

Her words turned out to be prophetic for when Anders drank from the chalice, he gasped and the whites of his eyes were all that Kallian could see. He fell to a heap on the floor and Kallian rushed forward to find he was still breathing. Two of them had survived! But poor Mhairi; they had fought through the Keep together. She deserved to make it too!

“We need to have a pyre made for Mhairi,” Kallian decided. 

Varel left to make arrangements and shortly thereafter a couple of guards came in to remove Mhairi’s body from the hall. Kallian sat and waited for her new wardens to wake up. She had wardens now! That was something at least.

Time seemed to tick by slowly, heavy eyelids began to droop closed of their own accord and Kallian’s chin met her chest. Low groans made her head snap back up and she saw both Anders and Oghren coming to. Anders was sitting with his head held in his hands, looking for all the world like he was just coming out of a three day bender. He swayed as he stood up and grabbed the wall to steady himself. 

Oghren stood as well but immediately set upon the flask he had been working on before the Joining and grunted, “Taste wasn’t awful but I could do without the nug-licking darkspawn visions.”

“You had them too?” Anders croaked.

“Welcome to the club,” Kallian cheered sarcastically.

“So, we’re Grey Wardens now? It’s over?” Anders asked.

“Just one last thing,” said Kallian.

Anders gulped, “No more blood drinking I hope.”

“No. The fun part is over,” Kallian teased, hoping to lighten his mood. “I have a pendant of darkspawn blood for you each to carry. It’s to remember those who didn’t make it. I still have mine.” Kallian lifted the leather cord from around her neck to show them the same shaped pendant. The Orlesian Wardens must have brought all the supplies because the Seneschal already had the pendants ready for her once the Joining was done.

“So, what now?” Anders wondered.

“I’ve had the Seneschal prepare a funeral pyre for Mhairi. You’re both welcome to join me outside for it.”

Kallian turned without another word, just wanting the day to end. The heavy thumps of Oghren’s footsteps soon followed, and the soft pad of the mage’s gait came shortly after. 

When the Grey Warden trio joined the guards, they found the pyre ready and Kallian had to avert her eyes from Mhairi’s face. If she had to feel this kind of guilt every time she put people through the Joining, she wasn’t sure how she could survive being the Warden-Commander. Guilt was a constant companion and it felt heavier with every decision she was forced to make, as if it was pressing down on her chest, making it hard to breath. Shianni, Isolde, Jowan, now Mhairi. How many people would be hurt because of her?

Flames ran across the wood of the pyre and dark smoke billowed through the air stinging Kallian’s eyes. She should say something. Her tongue felt stuck to the bottom of her mouth. What words could she say?

“Ser Mhairi bravely fought and defended this Keep with her fellow Wardens. We will remember her courage and sacrifice.” Seneschal Varel saved Kallian from fumbling for what to say.

“Aye, she had spirit, that’s for sure,” Oghren added.

“In death, sacrifice,” Kallian murmured to herself.

They stood in silence for a few moments and Kallan willed herself to move away from the smoking pyre. She had enough death for the day - a lifetime really, but she couldn’t escape it. Her melancholy thoughts strayed down a familiar path of all the things she would have done differently, what she wished she could have changed since the fateful day in the alienage when her wedding had turned red. 

Kallian hadn’t even noticed the human and dwarf were still following her lead until she stopped in the throne room and didn’t know where to go from there.

“Sleep? Is that possible yet? Maybe the slayer of the archdemon never needs rest but us mere mortals tend to get tired. Particularly after a day of running from Templars and killing darkspawn,” said Anders, trying to hold back a yawn.

“Er… good question. I dunno about you but I could use a bed, because guess what? This archdemon slayer is bloody well tired too” she laughed.

Anders’ lips turned up in a charming half-grin and he smoothly responded, “I could think of a couple of uses for a bed.”

Oghren laughed heartily at Anders’ attempts to flirt with Kallian. “Nice try kid. You’re lucky the elf isn’t around.” He punctuated his sentence with a thump to Anders’ back.

Anders’ gaze honed in on Kallian’s tapered ears in confusion.“Which elf?”

Oghren was quick to answer, “The blond one. The one she was playing hide the sausage with. The one she spent every night greasing the candlestick with. Or how she-”

“Andraste’s tits, I think he gets the picture,” Kallian blushed.

“So, you’re seeing someone,” Anders leered, “quite intimately.”

Kallian cursed her pale skin when her face heated up even further. “Yes. His name is Zevran. And he’s an assassin,” she added with a big smirk when Anders’ leer dropped.

“Interesting choice in men.”

“Just one man - former Antivan Crow, in fact,” Kallian continued to torment Anders, “Tall, blond humans are a copper a dozen here in Ferelden.”

Anders pretended to ponder her comment and then with a flourish, a cascade of purple sparks appeared at his fingertips. “Maybe so, but tall, blond men of the mage variety are a little more rare.”

“Okay Sparklefingers, you heard the Commander, ain’t no way for you to get into her pants,” Oghren stepped closer to the mage and hefted his axe in a half-threatening manner.

Kallian snickered at the pair of them. One towering over the other with magic literally at his fingertips while the stocky dwarf held an all too large axe above his head.

Kallian’s hand on Oghren’s shoulder made him set his axe back down to lean against it. “So quick to defend, Oghren. I can handle a flirtatious mage. And if I can’t…assassin, remember?” Kallian said those last words, deliberately locking eyes with Anders.

Anders put his hands up in mock defence. “Forget I said anything. Let it be known to all in Thedas. The Warden-Commander is most definitely taken and may or may not send out an assassin to kill anyone who gets too close. Oh and that assassin is said boyfriend.”

“Well, I suppose we’re technically engaged,” Kallian said nonchalantly.  
“Sodding put a ring on it, did he? Good for that blighter!” Oghren exclaimed. “Always knew he had it in him. Well, no I didn’t. All the same. Cheers to you!” He raised the flask that he always had on him in celebration. 

Anders laughed, “Of course you are. Engaged to a former Crow. Commander, I think I am going to enjoy getting to know you.”

“In that case, just call me Kallian,” she smiled. Anders had a certain good humour to him that she welcomed and truly didn’t mind the harmless flirting all  _ that _ much.

“Well, Warden, are you and Sparklefingers gonna join me, or what?” Oghren raised a mug of ale from the table he sat at.

“Seriously? Sparklefingers?” Anders asked indignantly.

“Oh the delicate mage doesn’t like his nickname. How about...skirt-boy!” Oghren laughed uproariously

“They’re robes,” he answered shortly, “And they’ve been singed to bits,” he bemoaned while picking at blackened threads. 

Anders joined Oghren at the table all the same after pouring himself a mug from the cask Oghren had hoisted in.

“Looks like a dress to me,” Oghren pestered.

Kallian followed their conversation with amusement. She had missed the fun banter between her friends on the road. Oghren always had a rude comment or joke and it appeared Anders had her own sense of humour, relying on sarcasm and wit.

Kallian had decided it was best to wait for the Seneschal to return so she could figure out where the sleeping quarters were and who would get which rooms, and a bunch of other stuff she was probably forgetting needed to be dealt with. She slowly sipped from her mug and rested her head in her arms.

The loud groan of heavy doors announced the Seneschal’s return. She swung her legs out from under the table and stood, suppressing a groan at the ache in her weary feet. She made a mental note to instate a regular training schedule for everyone, including herself. She had let herself get soft in Denerim. Slower reflexes, and quick to fatigue muscles meant an earlier death by darkspawn.

“Varel, can I call you Varel?” The Seneschal nodded. “I’m sure you probably have a list of a thousand items long that needs to be done but we need beds. And food. Food first, then beds. And baths,” Kallian rambled. Her sleepiness was making her scatterbrained.

“I’ll show you to your quarters and then have a few servants bring up a platter as well as hot water for a bath for each of you.”

Anders sighed in agreement and Kallian nodded emphatically.

The group was lead down several hallways and up two sets of staircases. Kallian added another note to her mental list: explore the Keep so you don’t look like an idiot getting lost at every turn. 

Finally, they reached a wing where Varel showed Oghren and Anders each to a room before leading Kallian further down the hall. He produced a small key from his pocket and unlocked the heavy oak door. Kallian walked into a large room with plush carpets and heavy drapes. Artwork covered many of the walls, as well as a tapestry depicting warriors in a battle. A large desk took up the center of the room with bookshelves filled to the brim on either side of it. Moving further inside, she opened another door that lead to a large four poster bed and had a balcony looking out over the grounds.

“This is mine?” Kallian gaped. There had to be some mistake. 

“These are the chambers for the ruling Arl or Arlessa, yes.”

Kallian bit her lip, she had almost forgotten about the Arlessa part of the deal. 

“I will have the servants bring something to eat for you and your fellow Wardens,” said Varel.

“Bring lots. Newer the Warden, bigger the appetite. Double whatever you were going to have brought to us,” Kallian requested. 

The Seneschal nodded. “Not to worry. I  _ had _ in fact been warned about that. We’ll have plenty for all of you.”

When the Seneschal left her room, she flopped backwards onto the bed, savouring the feel of the soft blankets and comfy mattress. This was a perk she hadn’t expected. Kallian had slept on beds such as this very few times in her life, and now she had her very own! Thinking it was probably best to get out of her armour at last, she rose from the bed and grimaced at the stains of darkspawn ichor she had left on the pale blanket. Oops.

As Kallian stripped her armour, and grumbled about the hole left behind in her gambeson from the dagger, a knock sounded from the door. Several servants carrying large buckets of steaming water entered her chambers following the soft knock and without a word began filling the large tub off to the side of the room from her bed. 

“Your bath is all ready to go my lady,” a female elf, likely around Kallian’s age, said softly with a bow.

Kallian flushed at being addressed as such by another elf. This was the reason she could never take up Alistair’s offer to stay at the palace. She hated seeing other elves waiting on her. 

“Kallian is fine. Please. Just, no titles. But erm, thank you for the hot water!” Kallian stammered out a quick thank you as the elves left the room just as quickly as they had come in.

She stripped out of her underarmour clothes quickly and stepped into the tub, hissing when the hot water met her sore feet. She sank low into the water, immediately feeling each tense muscle relax. Looking around, Kallian found an assortment of soaps on the ledge next to the tub. 

When she stretched out to grab the soap, her hand flew to her side and gasped at the deep ache that surfaced. She prodded her side and stiffened at the pain. A dark purple and black bruise splayed across her ribcage.  Yet another sign she was back on the job. She inspected the jagged red line across her thigh - poultices just didn’t heal quite as nicely as magical healing. There was another scar to add to her collection.

This time, she gingerly sat up to reach for the soaps and found a flowery scented one. Perhaps lavender? She wasn’t as great at identifying the different flowers but it smelled wonderful and most importantly, would wash the blood, ichor, and dirt off her body.

Kallian was very tempted to simply soak in the water until it cooled but she was hungry and knew the servants would be back soon to clear out the tub. Sure enough, no sooner had Kallian changed into a loose shirt and breeches, the same servants were back to empty the tub, and another one carried in a large platter of fruit, meat, and cheese which she set on the table in the office.

The overflowing pile of food was devoured in short order. Most would be surprised that such a small and lean elf would be able to eat all that food, but Kallian had gotten used to her increased appetite. At least she no longer felt like she was starving between meals. Dealing with such ravenous hunger while travelling and practically copperless was a nightmare for the first few months after Ostagar. 

The night sky had turned to a deep blue and Kallian was full, clean and beyond tired. She at first had thought she might meet back up with Oghren and Anders to discuss certain unpleasant aspects about being a Grey Warden with them. It was while she was in the bath that she realized they had already had a long enough day. Perhaps it was better to let them enjoy their hard-earned rest for the night and save the shitty news for the next day. Part of her may also just have been procrastinating because Kallian didn’t want to have to tell them. Maker knew she hadn’t exactly reacted very nicely towards Alistair when he told her she would essentially die before she was fifty. 

Kallian left the empty platter on the table and tumbled into bed. She draped the stained blanket over a chair and hoped it wouldn’t be difficult to get the blood out of it. The soft pillow and mattress cradled her body into the warmth but she found it was a different kind of warmth she wished for. She was so exhausted that thankfully sleep came easily with visions of straw coloured hair and swirling black tattoos swimming through her dreams.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to thank everyone for reading so far! Leave a comment or Kudos to make me smile :)


	5. To-Do List

Stiff muscles were slow to wake up. Her bones creaked like she was eighty. Kallian would kill for a massage from Zevran right about now, and she wasn’t even talking about the kind that ended with them both naked. He was actually really good at just the massage part. Unfortunately Antivan massages were in short supply in Amaranthine at the moment.

Kallian trudged out her door and half-heartedly knocked on Oghren’s and Anders’ doors. She wasn’t in the best mood for company, but it was probably polite to invite them both to breakfast, and she would need them soon enough to get on with the darkspawn problem already.

When neither answered she shrugged and moved on down to the throne room. Luckily she did remember the turns they made to get to the wing with their rooms so she was able to navigate back.

A woman she didn’t recognize, as well as a guard, and Varel were having a heated discussion in the middle of the room. The woman caught Kallian’s eye and started waving her over impatiently.

“Ah yes the Commander, just who we needed to speak with,” the woman spoke in clipped tones.

She was obviously annoyed by whatever they had been arguing about and Kallian really didn’t have the energy to deal with that.

“Can this wait? I’m starving and-”

“Trade is down; the nobles and farmers alike are in an uproar. We need to get merchants moving through here again!” She interrupted Kallian.

Kallian closed her eyes for a second, trying to find the diplomatic words to say, shut up.

Varel, always the life saver, stepped in on her behalf. “The Commander will be here to deal with all the concerns and requests each of us has. I’m sure she and her fellow wardens would be happy to help us out. Let’s reconvene in half an hour, shall we?”

“Sounds great!” Kallian blurted before the woman could try to steal her for one more second. Her stomach was grumbling and the kitchen called her name.

Unfortunately, scurrying away meant Kallian didn’t get a chance to ask where the kitchen was, so she ended up wandering for a bit. The cook flapped her hands upon Kallian trying to steal some food, and ushered Kallian out into the grand dining hall - and grand it was. Heavy drapes, mahogany tables and high-backed chairs. Kallian looked down, noticing she was wearing  loose breeches and a plain shirt. She sure fit right in.

A servant eventually came to bring her a plate heaping with sausage and eggs. Now _this_ was breakfast. As Kallian started to wolf down her food, Anders sat down to join her, wearing the more typical robes of a circle mage compared to his now ruined Tevinter style ones. He was followed not long after by Oghren.

Apparently they had already eaten as no one came to bring them food after they saw them sit.

“What’s the plan for today, Commander?” Anders drummed his fingers on the table, watching her eat with bemusement.

“Not sure yet,” she spoke between bites, “But Varel wants to talk to me. Probably has a to-do list a mile long.”

“As long as I get to swing my axe at something,” said Oghren.

Kallian pushed away from the table. “We have to figure out how the darkspawn got in, so I don’t think that will be too much of a problem.”

“Joy, more darkspawn already,” Anders twirled his finger in the air in mock celebration.

Kallian smirked as they followed her back to the throne room, “Just what did you think being a Grey Warden meant, Anders?”

“No I didn’t mean… just, this isn’t a Blight, is it?”

“Not that I know of,” Kallian agreed.

“Well that’s my point. Just surprised by all the darkspawn fighting we already have to do,” said Anders.

“More we kill up here, less of the bastards to swarm Orzammar. I’m all for killing more darkspawn,” Oghren added.

“About time!” The same loud woman was already briskly pacing towards Kallian.

Varel and the guard followed closely behind.

“Commander, this is Mistress Woolsey of Weisshaupt, and Captain Garavel of the Keep’s Guards,” the Seneschal made the introductions quickly before Mistress Woolsey could interrupt again.

“Of Weisshaupt?” Kallian was shocked to hear she had come so far.

“The First Warden, himself, sent me. I am the treasurer of the Keep, and here to help you with any administrative duties,” said Mistress Woolsey.

“What interest does the First Warden have in Amaranthine?” Kallian’s eyes narrowed. Grey Wardens weren’t supposed to meddle in politics and to have attracted the First Warden’s interest… well she hoped it was only because of the recent events of the Blight.

Mistress Woolsey scoffed, “The First Warden has no interest in politics, just that he knows how lucrative it may be to remind people of the Grey Wardens’ presence beyond just the Blight.”

Kallian wasn’t entirely convinced but she nodded anyways. “So what seems to be the problem, besides darkspawn?”

“Well it may be darkspawn,” Mistress Woolsey began gravely, “Caravans have been attacked and we’ve not seen trade from Denerim in weeks. The Pilgrim’s Path is the main road between the cities. Trade recovery is more important than ever what with Ferelden still recovering from both a Blight and civil war.”

“More darkspawn activity? Brilliant,” she muttered. “What else am I adding to my list, Seneschal?”

“Well there is the matter of Kristoff. He is a Grey Warden, but wasn’t here when the Keep was attacked. He was supposed to be in Amaranthine investigating why there was so much darkspawn activity going on even after the Blight has ended. We haven’t heard back from him.”

“Missing Warden, got it. Captain?” Kallian was rather short with him but it was starting to feel like old times, with everyone perfectly happy to lay task after task at her feet.

“Yes, Commander. It’s regarding the attack. One of my Sergeant’s discovered some tunnels below the Keep in the wake of the dwarf’s explosions. We suspect it may be a possible Deep Roads tunnel and how the darkspawn were able to get in,” said the Captain.

“Shit,” Kallian couldn’t help the curse that escaped her lips.

“That’s not all, Commander…”

Kallian sighed, “What else?”

“I received word from two hunters that passed through here to the city, talking about a Deep Roads entrance and spotting darkspawn coming from it.”

“Andraste’s Tits!” Kallian cursed again and did not miss the disapproving frown from Mistress Woolsey. “Did we get a location from them?”

“Unfortunately no. At the time my men believed it to be no more than rumours.”

A sigh escaped her again and Kallian rubbed her eyes. “Okay we need to investigate the basement first, then see if we can track these hunters down in Amaranthine. Dammit.”

“C’mon Anders, Oghren. First day of official Grey Wardening looks like it’s gonna be a busy one.”

Immediately outside the massive doors was a Private waiting to speak with Kallian.

“Commander, I have important business to discuss regarding the Keep!”

“Hit me,” said Kallian.

The Private paused for half a second, thrown off by Kallian’s informality but reported to her that there was a prisoner in the Keep’s dungeons that had broken in a few days before the darkspawn attack. Apparently he had been awaiting the Commander’s judgment.

Kallian turned apologetically to Oghren and Anders, “Do you mind? Should only take a moment, right?”

“I’m not exactly in a rush to go down to the basement, so surprisingly, I’ll take dungeons first,” said Anders.

Oghren gave a noncommittal shrug, apparently content to follow Kallian wherever that lead. No surprise there. He had never made any complaints following her across Ferelden, why start now?

A chill clung to the air in the dungeons and Anders shivered noticeably, eyes darting around the stone walls surrounding them and torchlight flickered eerily off of the rough stones.

The guard nodded to Kallian when he saw her and opened the cell for her to step inside and face the prisoner.

From the shadows a man with long dark hair, high cheekbones and a slightly gaunt look to his face emerged.

“And so the victor finally comes to flaunt their win. I had heard many things about you, Warden-Commander; I have to admit, I feel rather disappointed by you,” his voice had a rather pleasant rumble to it.

“Sorry, do I know you?”

His laugh was a sharp bark, devoid of actual humour, “Perhaps you knew my father better? Or did you give him a chance at all before murdering him?”

“Murder...I don’t?” Kallian shot a confused look back at her companions.

“Killed so many the faces all blur together?” The man continued hotly. “Rendon Howe. I am his son, Nathaniel Howe.”

Kallian gasped in sudden understanding, then turned to the guard. “What was he arrested for?”

“Thievery, Commander. It took four Grey Wardens to take him down.”

“Four?” Kallian eyed Nathaniel with amazement.

“Aren’t you ignoring the thief part?” Anders frowned.

“Sure there’s that, but four skilled Grey Wardens. It’s still impressive!”

“He should be hung for his crimes,” the guard spoke.  
“Good. Better than to see my father’s legacy put to ruin,” Nathaniel growled.

Kallian whirled back at him. “Legacy? You think it was a fucking legacy? It was a legacy he was creating when he destroyed nearly an _entire_ family? He betrayed Ferelden. Your father was nothing more than-”

A forearm was pushed against her throat and her head hit the wall with a resounding crack. Fury clouded Nathaniel’s eyes as he choked her and she could barely hear the guard shouting along with Oghren and Anders over the ringing in her ears.

As soon as it began it was over. The guard was pulling Nathaniel off of her and Anders rushed to her side while Oghren hovered menacingly near the prisoner.

Kallian massaged her throat and Anders tried to heal her but she pushed him aside. It would bruise, nothing more.

“You don't even know what your father did, yet you come in here trying to attack me! What gives, Howe?” Kallian got right up to his face as she stepped closer with each word.

Nathaniel sagged in defeat, the fight going out of his body leaving nothing more than a sad, lost man. “In truth,” he began, “I came here to kill you.”

Oghren growled, the menace written across his face.

Nathaniel pressed on, “But I really just want some of my family's things. Then I’ll go. I swear.” He pleaded with his eyes.

“It took four Grey Wardens to take you down?”

“Yes…” his voice trailed off, unsure of what the Commander was getting at.

“Guardsman, let's take him up to the training grounds. I want to see him in action.”

Incredulity flashed across the guard’s face but he withheld any comments.

Anders turned to Kallian in disbelief. “He just attacked you, admitted he intended to _kill_ you, and you want to test out his skills?”

Oghren chuckled knowingly. “If you end up shacking up with this one too...well kid you just might have a death wish.”

“Just go with me on this one, Anders. And shut up, Oghren.”

* * *

 

Out in the yard, Kallian ensured that the guard returned Nathaniel’s bow and quiver of arrows and told the guard she could handle the prisoner.

Kallian gestured to the training dummies lined up across from them. “Show me what you've got, Howe.”

“What?”

“You were a match for four Grey Wardens. I want to see why.”

Anders shifted nervously behind the two rogues as Nathaniel lined up his first shot. He was ready to take the man down with lightning if he so much as turned an inch towards the Commander with his weapon. Oghren watched with curiosity, knowing that Kallian would be on her toes after the first attack in the dungeon.

One after another, arrows struck the dummy. First the head, then the chest, was skewered with arrow after arrow. Kallian let out a low whistle. She would never say it to her face, but Nathaniel was better than Leliana.

“What is the point of this, may I ask?” Nathaniel’s tone was of disgruntled, disinterest.

“I’m trying to help you out, here. The law demands a hanging, but I don’t. I could conscript you into the Grey Wardens. You’re more than capable,” said Kallian.

“And be the lap dog to my Father’s murderer? I don’t think so,” he said coldly.

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about! I’m conscripting you. Stop whining. Be useful. Maybe once you figure out what Rendon Howe actually did, you’ll be grateful. Think of it as a chance to redeem your family name or something.” Kallian’s exasperation grew.

Nathaniel’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he clenched his jaw tightly closed. He was definitely holding back some insults. His noble propriety keeping him from lashing out at the Commander.

“I’m not trying to take your life away from you. I’m trying to help you keep what you have left,” her tone softened.

The look in Nathaniel’s eyes changed. Whereas before he was practically shooting daggers, it had morphed into something different, but Kallian couldn’t tell what. Confusion, doubt perhaps? She hoped she could get him to see reason in due time. For now, there were more urgent things on her growing to-do list to take care of.

She called out to her Grey Wardens to follow her where the Sergeant was waiting to escort them to the basement.

“You want me to come with you?” Nathaniel questioned.

“Well yeah. I’ve just conscripted you, remember? Be a bit useless locked away somewhere. Besides, I need someone for darkspawn bait,” Kallian tried to tease him out of his seemingly constant dark mood.

His brows drew together and he clenched his bow tightly in response. No teasing for him then. Noted.

Sergeant Maverlies was waiting outside the entrance to the basement for them. She tried to insist on escorting them down but Kallian asked her to remain behind. A basement infested with darkspawn meant fighting in tight quarters which made it all the more likely for someone to end up tainted. How many times must she have checked Zevran after a fight, praying the Blight wouldn’t take him, or any of her other companions.

The only reason she felt fine taking Nathaniel down with them is because he was already conscripted. He would end up with darkspawn blood in him one way or another. It may have also been because she didn’t fully trust him going about the Keep on his own. She would rather be able to keep an eye on him, at least at first.

The stairs lead them down into a room that had Kallian clamping her hand over her nose and mouth as the smell of darkspawn corpses overwhelmed her in the stagnant basement. The others didn’t fare much better than her. Anders turned and braced himself against the wall, nearly retching from the smell. Nathaniel’s face greened. Oghren was the only one not to complain.

A Mabari whined from the floor, close to the door on the opposite side of the room and Kallian eased towards the war dog, hoping not to frighten it.

“You poor thing,” she cooed and pet the dog’s head, finding a note stuffed into the collar.

“Is there anything we can do to help her?” Nathaniel’s voice was muffled behind his gloved hand, blocking out the stench.

“The note says a woman named Adria went to seek refuge lower in the basement. I guess we just keep going and hope she’s alive.”

“I meant the Mabari.”

Kallian blushed. “Oh, so you didn’t just read the note over my shoulder. Sorry, used to people doing that. The whole short thing and all,” she babbled and gestured at the height difference between the two of them.

Turning to the still whimpering dog she inspected it for wounds. “I can’t say for sure, but my guess is tainted. It’s how my Mabari died…”

Anders, who finally seemed to have his retching under control piped up, “Little thing like you had a Mabari war hound?”

Oghren laughed at the observation, “Twice her weight, but barely more frightening than a puppy!”

“Hey! Fluffy was a wonderful war dog. He just liked scratches behind the ears too,” Kallian defended her Mabari’s honour.

The whimpering ceased and Kallian saw that Nathaniel had ended its suffering. “We should move on.”

“He’s right; where there’s dead darkspawn, there’s more...darkspawn…” said Kallian.

Anders snorted as the group moved deeper into the basement, following the smells of death and the trails of corpses.

Immediately when they opened the door into the hallway they were set upon by the lurking darkspawn. Oghren rushed in, drawing the attention to him as he swung his axe madly. Kallian edged around the group trying to backstab the ones Oghren had distracted. The fight was quick. Nathaniel’s arrows took down the other darkspawn archers and Anders was left to back them up, healing minor scratches as they fought and casting out paralysis spells to control the crowd.

She wasn’t sure, but Kallian felt like the scrap was over in minutes. It felt like she had her old team again. It would be nice for some girls though. Another female warden so she wasn’t the only one in Ferelden, perhaps?

The next room opened into a small cell of prisoners. Blackened and rotting patches of skin and foggy white eyes marked them as ghouls. One moment the group of ghouls and Wardens were looking at each other in surprise, the next second the ghouls were upon them. While they weren’t terribly hard to fight - blight sickness really just made them essentially rabid - it did leave Kallian with a queasy feeling. They were people at one point, now mindless attackers that unfortunately had to be put down like animals.

“So that’s what happens to people who get tainted.” Nathaniel was looking at the bodies in detached horror as he plucked his arrows out of their greying flesh.

“You never saw anyone come down with the Blight Sickness? Lucky,” Kallian muttered.

“I was in the Free Marches until a little while ago, and obviously the Blight didn’t reach that for. So I suppose thank you for that much.” Nathaniel admitted reluctantly.

“Um, Commander? There are still prisoners in here. And untainted.” Anders called from the end of the room, where a cell remained locked with several people inside.

Kallian sighed and rubbed a hand down her face. “Ah shit, I’m an idiot!” she had rubbed darkspawn blood across her face, not realizing it was coating her hand.

“What was your first clue?” Oghren snatched the opportunity to take a jab at her.

“Anybody got a rag? And I’m gonna let them go, this place is gonna be crawling with darkspawn until we can get the place sealed.”

Nathaniel wordlessly handed her a handkerchief and she wiped away the ichor from her forehead and nose.

Kallian used the lockpicking tools she always kept on her belt to work on the cell door. She didn’t care that they were prisoners, they weren’t in the main dungeons so they probably hadn’t done anything all that bad. Better to protect them from the taint. She really wouldn’t wish that shit on anybody. Perhaps a select few nobles...no it was still too horrible.

The people thanked her and rushed back out the way the Wardens came in. While Kallian pushed forward to face more darkspawn, and hopefully fewer ghouls.

The basement corridor lead them further down a set of stairs and they came upon a room with dusty chests and shelves. It was an old storage room that seemed to have been forgotten about.

Nathaniel pushed past Kallian while she was still surveying the room - always checking if there was anything worth looting. He stood and stared at the wall where an ornate, sturdy longbow was shelved.

“You may as well take it. I’m going to see if there’s anything else useful in here.” She told him.

He lowered the bow and ran his hand along the curve of the wood, a soft look in his eyes. “This was my grandfather’s.”

Kallian smiled then, knowing how it felt to have a family weapon to use as she brushed along Fang, located on her left hip. “I’m glad we were able to find it then!”

He continued, still looking at the bow, “I think perhaps, I should be thanking you again. If you hadn’t conscripted me, I might not have found this. He was a Warden too.”

“He was a Grey Warden? That’s incredible. It’s like you’re following in his footsteps or something. A much better role model I might add.”

His soft gaze turned into a glower at her reference to his father. Still a touchy subject then. She hoped they could warm up to each other eventually.

“Let’s go. We still haven’t found the cave-in.” She waved her hand for everyone to follow her.

A woman, no she was a ghoul already, was waiting in the following room. Kallian had a sinking feeling when she realized this was the room the note had described. Was this Adria? Whatever the case, they were too late. Ghouls set upon them and soon corpses reanimated and shambled towards them.

“Anders! Fire!” She yelled for him to take care of the corpses.

“On it!” He called back as he conjured a narrow stream to direct it at the undead.

Kallian took on who she assumed to be Adria. While she wouldn’t go one-on-one with a warrior, a ghoul was easier to handle. She was faster and much more skilled at fending off the animalistic attacks. Daggers flashed in the light of Anders’ flames before they were buried in the woman’s chest.

The flames sputtered out and Anders yelped. The undead were surrounding him and he frantically cast a paralysis spell which caught two of them. The ghouls had been dealt with so Nathaniel turned and began firing arrows, having little effect on the walking dead.

“You have to dismember them!” Kallian cried as she lunged and severed a head from its spinal cord.

Anders was swinging his staff frantically but one corpse got in a swing at his arm, causing the staff to fall from his hands. Kallian and Oghren were luckily able to tag team the remaining corpses while Anders healed himself quickly.

“Well that wasn’t at all terrifying,” he tried to laugh it off as the wound sealed up.

The group turned to look at the mass of rock and rubble that spilled out into the room. They would need to get past that to seal up the entrance properly.

“Well shit. You think that dwarf could re-explode the tunnel? I am not in the mood for digging our way through here,” Kallian eyed the massive rocks warily.

“He’d probably thank you for the opportunity. Sodding crazy arse,” said Oghren.

“Thank the Maker,” she sighed and began to dig through the pockets of corpses.

Oghren followed suit but the two humans stood back. Nathaniel with one eyebrow raised and Anders looking vaguely disgusted.

“You never know, you might find something useful. Aha!” Kallian pulled a few sovereigns and a gold earring from a knight’s pocket.

“You realize you command an Arling, right? It’s not as if there’s a lack of supplies there,” Nathaniel started.

“Oh bugger off; a few extra sovereigns never hurt. Besides, it’s a habit now. Anders, do you want this?” She had noticed his own pierced ears and held the shiny earring aloft for him to look at.

He shrugged and held out his hand so she could drop it in his palm. “You don’t want it? It would go with the one you already have.”

Kallian bit her lip, barely holding back a giddy smile. “No, this one is special, and I only have the one ear pierced. You take it.”

Anders affixed the earring to his right ear and gave a pompous strut. “Well? Will the ladies be able to resist?”

Kallian snorted, “I don’t even know how I’m resisting you right now.”

“The ladies go for men in dresses?” Oghren grinned slyly at the mage.

“Why of course. Didn’t you know? We circle mages don’t just wear the robes for fashion. It’s for _easy access_.”

Oghren sputtered, “You’re joking. He’s joking isn’t he?”

Kallian pressed her lips together and gave an innocent shrug. Though a part of her wondered if it was true. It would mean less clothes to get in the way, but that would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it?

“Okay back to the Keep. We’ll let someone know what we found, and we can get some food.”

“I’m starved!” Anders complained and Oghren grunted in agreement.

* * *

 

The sea air brushed across his face and the spray of the water tickled his skin. Zevran was standing up at the front of the ship, eyes always forward searching for the sign of land. Two more days, the Captain had said.

It was bittersweet to return to Antiva City. The smell of the sea was doing wonders for him. The sun on his skin felt incredible. He felt incomplete though. Before Kallian, he thought his life was full. He laughed, he killed, he drank and made love. These were empty pursuits though. Now, well his past self may laugh at him, but _now_ it was as if he saw everything in vivid colour. So yes, it was bittersweet. He wanted to hold his woman, but the need to protect, the urge to make sure she would always be safe, it was new and it was strong and that was why he had to go.

Perhaps when this was all over...if it was ever over, he could bring her. He would delight at seeing the pink flush of her excited face. The feeling of her hand squeezing his as they walked along the coastline. And how sinfully delicious it would be to watch her as she bit into an orange, the juices running down her chin. He adjusted himself in his leathers. Again, his thoughts had strayed to the inappropriate.

“You look deep in thought again,” The captain had come up beside him.

“Mm, but what is one to do when a woman claims his every thought?”

The bearded captain’s lips turned up in a knowing smile, “Love then? Returning to her?”

Zevran’s stomach clenched at the word he still had not uttered aloud for his Warden. “Unfortunately, leaving. It will not be so long though. She will be fine. It will be fine.” He hated the way it sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

The captain gave a hearty laugh and clapped him hard on the shoulder, “Well all the better for some vacation time, if you get my meaning. I hear the brothels in Antiva are like no other.” The captain leered.

Zevran disdainfully lifted the hand off his shoulder. “I happen to be a very loyal person,” he said coldly, ending the conversation.

The captain’s leer faded and he left with a shrug muttering, “To each his own.”

Zevran turned his head back into the breeze. Antiva City could not come soon enough. He would handle the Crows swiftly and quietly, then he could return home to his amor.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me a Kudos to make me smile, and a comment to make me flail! Thanks for reading!


	6. The City of Amaranthine

 

“Look at his cute little face!”

Anders had found a small orange tabby hiding among some barrels and immediately brought their party to a full stop. He was currently on his knees cooing and fawning over it, oblivious to everyone around him. Oghren and Nathaniel shared a glance between them, both looking at the grown man on the ground before the cat with their eyebrows raised.

“Don’t you worry little kitty, Anders is gonna take care of you, oh yes I am!” Anders nuzzled his face into the fur and the cat batted at his cheek playfully.

Kallian couldn’t take it anymore. Anders was cuddling this little cat with such gentleness and he had turned into such a little softy. It might have been the most adorable thing she had ever seen.

“Please just let me hold him!” Kallian finally gave in.

“Not you too,” Oghren groaned.

Anders reluctantly passed the cat to Kallian, detaching the claws that had been kneading into his chest as he did. “Be gentle with him! He likes scratches under the chin, don’t you Ser Pounce-a-lot?”

“ _That’s_ what you’re naming him?” Nathaniel huffed as if this was a personal insult.

Anders shot Nathaniel a withering stare, “As opposed to what? Cat? Kitty?”

“It’s not as if he answers to a name,” Nathaniel continued to grumble.

Kallian snickered. “I don’t care what we call him. We have to keep him!” She emphatically held the gentle tabby up to Nathaniel’s face, hoping the innocent stare would convince him.

“We? I _found_ him. He’s my cat!” Anders argued.

Kallian didn’t want to let Ser Pounce go, but Anders was reaching for him again.

“Traitor,” Kallian scolded Ser Pounce when he immediately began a rumbling purr upon being back in Anders’ arms.

“If we’re all done bein’ children, there’s a dwarf we ought to see about blowin’ up that deep roads entrance,” Oghren finally interrupted their bickering.

Right, she was supposed to be a commander, not fawn over a cat all day.

“Fine. Anders, the cat is your responsibility.”

Anders entire face glowed when he looked Ser Pounce in the face and said, “You hear that Ser Pounce? You get to come with us!” He promptly tucked the cat into his pack leaving just the little orange head sticking out. Oddly enough the newly adopted pet didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, and Anders couldn’t seem to contain his smile.

Nathaniel looked back and forth between the commander and the mage, as if waiting for the moment when they would tell him they were joking. It didn’t come. “You’re really going to carry a kitten around in your bag?”

“Where else would I keep him?” Anders smiled, stroking the top of Ser Pounce’s head where it stuck up through the opening.

“Madness,” Nathaniel muttered. “I’ve joined a troop of lunacy. This is what the fabled Grey Wardens have come to.”

Kallian’s keen ears picked up on his grumbling and she tried to get a reaction from Nathaniel beyond his griping. “Welcome to the lunacy, then. You’re one of us now.”

Nathaniel side eyed her, then slowly rolled his eyes skyward. Kallian wondered if she would ever see him crack a grin.

* * *

 

The dwarf with the explosives, Dworkin, was...odd. His enthusiasm to blow things up made her nervous but she couldn’t deny he knew what he was doing. His explosives had already saved their asses and yet again he was proving himself useful to help them get into that deep roads entrance. Still, Kallian was weary. Wasn’t it only the Qunari who had explosives? If anyone could just replicate it…

As they left the pyromaniac dwarf, Nathaniel came to an abrupt stop. Oghren swayed into the man and Anders followed that with an immature giggle, leaving Oghren grumbling at him.

“Nate, is that you?” A greying groundsman with pointed ears was squinting, then outright gawking at Nathaniel, his rake dropping from his hands.

“Samuel…” Nathaniel remained frozen, eyes wide in recognition of the groundsman in front of them.

Samuel gave a half bow before Nathaniel pulled him in for a hug. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you, boy. Your sister, she -”

“Delilah? She’s alive? Is she okay? Where is she? I have to see her,” Nathaniel’s words came pouring forth in a constant stream filled with relief and worry.

“Why yes, she’s in Amaranthine, married a merchant… Hmmm what was his name again? This old head of mine isn’t so good anymore.” Samuel stroked his chin, “Well, no matter, I’m sure you’ll meet him yourself,” he said brightly.

Instead of appearing relieved, that spark of light in Nathaniel’s eyes seemed to die out at Samuel’s news. What was his problem? For elves in an Alienage, family was all some people had. Why the sudden disappointment? Whatever the case, even if Kallian wasn’t quite sure she would ever understand Nathaniel, she had to make sure he was reunited with whatever family he had left. No matter how much Rendon had deserved it, Kallian had been the one to take Nathaniel’s father away, the least she could do was bring him to his sister.

“Thank you… for letting me know she’s alive,” Nathaniel sighed heavily.

Samuel, not picking up on Nathaniel’s down demeanor, grinned broadly at the man before carrying on with his yard work.

Kallian tapped Nathaniel on the shoulder, startling him out of the reverie he was in. “We’re going to Amaranthine.”

“What, now? We don’t have to. I mean to say, you don't need to go out of your way.”

“We have to go there anyways. Something about a deep roads entrance we have to find.” Nathaniel’s brows furrowed. “Yes, _other_ than the one we just found in the basement.” Kallian brushed past him with a smirk. “Now don’t go thinking this is all for you. I’m not showing favouritism with my wardens,” she lilted in a sing-song voice. “Anders gets his cat, you get your sister!”

“What about old Oghren?” He stood with his hands on his hips, affronted at the lack of gifts from his commander.

Kallian shook her head at him. “You know I’m gonna give you whatever booze I find. Already forgetting that aged Whiskey I gave you?”

Oghren chuckled ruefully. Kallian knew very well he actually didn’t remember as that night had ended in a drunken mess with everyone in camp overindulging for a night of celebration after recruiting the dwarves.

* * *

 

Luck had it that Amaranthine was only a two days’ walk away. Kallian had enough of traipsing back and forth across the country. A city normally bustling with people was quiet but for the refugees still flowing inside. Months after the blight had ended and still people who had been displaced from their homes wandered, hoping to find somewhere to start a new life.

Normally merchants would have set up their wares all along the main road into the city, where instead there were the odd few. Plenty of elves still scurried among the people, likely running errands for nobles. Guards were vigilant at every corner, wary of opportunistic bandits and still living with the fear of darkspawn. Of course, Vigil’s Keep may have proved that people _should_ still be wary.

Nathaniel started to walk towards the nearest guard but Kallian grabbed him by the elbow before he could make it beyond one step.

“What?” He growled. “You wanted to find the men who found the entrance. I’m going to ask the guard. What can you possibly have a problem with?”

Kallian scoffed. “The guards don’t see shit. Least observant group of people I’ve ever known. Well, besides nobles.”

Nathaniel crossed his arms. “I hardly th-” he stopped, gawking at the coin purse Kallian was now twirling in her fingers. “That’s mine!”

“Yours? An observant noble such as yourself surely wouldn’t be missing his coin purse would he?” Kallian’s voice turned sardonically sweet.

He reached to snatch it back but Kallian took advantage of her small stature to duck under his outstretched arm, just barely escaping out of his reach. When he pressed forward, Kallian hopped back, dangling the purse in front of herself.

“Admit I was right, I give this back to you, then we do this my way,” she said with relish.

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at the irritating elf and in his characteristic grumble said, “You’re a bloody thief, but fine...I concede.”

Kallian tossed the bag of silver and Nathaniel swiped it from mid air, tucking it snugly back into his belt.

Although it wasn’t Denerim, Kallian still found it easy to pick out the elves that had information. They lurked near the alleys, feigning an almost perfect nonchalance, but a practiced eye would be able to see their eyes pinpoint people on the streets, a slow tilting head to better hear a conversation as a couple walked by; this was the fastest way to get information if they could be convinced to talk.

As they walked down the street, Anders hurried up behind her, ducking down to whisper in her ear. “When did you steal his coin purse?”

Kallian snorted. “Just as he was walking ahead of me to talk to the guard.”

“So you knew he was going to argue with you about the guards?” Anders’ voice was filled with incredulity.

Kallian couldn’t stop herself from laughing outright. “No! Oh I _wish_ I had that kind of foresight. I just couldn’t resist the opportunity when I saw it. Wanted to see if I still had it in me and...it was just...dangling there. Worked out pretty well in my favour, actually.” she grinned, flicking the stray hairs out of her face with a playful wink. Zevran would be proud.

Anders shook his head, “Always full of surprises.”

“Halt” A guard held up his hand in front of the party as they tried to go through the main gates into the city. “Anyone wishing to enter the city must have their bags searched, by order of the guard captain.”

Kallian bristled. What kind of… “If someone is trying to get into the city to hurt someone, do you really think they’ll just walk in through the front gates with poison and a sign reading ‘I’m here to murder’ tucked away in their pack?”

“I’m under strict-”

“I can already spot at least three ways to get in without passing through your little stop and search attempt, and I’m not even a professional!” Kallian continued to scold him.

“Professional?” the guard asked in alarm.

“Oi! What’s the hold up?” Someone called from behind as a line was starting to form behind Kallian’s group.

Another guard caught wind of the commotion and jogged over, immediately becoming red in the face. “Do you know who this is? This is the Hero of Ferelden, Commander of the Grey! I’m sorry ser, you and your companions may pass. I’m sure you have important business in the city. I am Constable Aiden if you need anything else.” He swept an arm out to the side allowing everyone to pass.

“You know this is a pretty stupid way to catch criminals right?” Kallian raised an eyebrow.

The constable pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m well aware, believe me, Commander. We have to look like we’re doing _something_. It’s these smugglers. Trade is already bad enough, add in a smuggling ring and it’s all going to shit. Pardon my language.”

Kallian laughed, “As much as they want me to sit on a fancy chair and call me Arlessa, I’m a Grey Warden, I don’t care what kind of language you use. Smugglers you said? Maybe I can help out. Beats tracking down darkspawn every day.”

“If you were to find the time, we would be most grateful!” said Aiden.

“Oooh smugglers, I hope we can catch them. Should be fun.” Kallian vibrated with energy as they walked into the city.

“Fun? Why would smugglers be fun?” Anders asked.

“She thinks she’s the smartest rogue there is, that’s why,” Nathaniel responded. “It’s all a game to you isn’t it?”

Kallian shook her head. “If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that life sucks. What’s wrong with having a bit of fun?”

“Perhaps it’s time you grew up. Life isn’t fun. It’s hard. It’s not a game. How old are you anyway? Eighteen?” Nathaniel countered hotly.

“Nineteen.” Kallian corrected him softly, grin sliding from her features into a carefully sculpted placid mask. It had finally come up. Youngest Commander ever in Ferelden. Big fucking deal if no one respected her. Too young, too much of an elf, too uncouth. Who was he to say she needed to grow up? She took a deep breath and picked up her pace, anger fueling her as she weaved through the people on the street, the men barely keeping track of the blonde head bobbing far in front of them. Never good enough for anyone. Her chest tightened. Except him. He only ever accepted her as she was. And now he was in fucking Antiva.

She spotted a couple of elven men leaning against a wall, looking for all the world like ne’er-do-wells. Exactly what she was looking for.

“Stay here,” she cast a quick glance back to her companions, letting her anger sharpen her words.

Kallian sauntered up to the men, both of them pausing their hushed tones to look her up and down with suspicion. She was, after all, armed and armoured, and openly carrying her daggers for all to see. An unusual sight, to say the least.

“‘Chu lookin’ at?” The taller one spit.

The stockier elf nudged him in the side and said lowly, “That’s the bloody Hero of Ferelden, innit Dairen?”

Kallian sighed, “I’m just looking for some information.” That title was going to haunt her until the end of her days.

They continued to talk as if she weren’t there, hushed tones that carried easily to her.

“You don’t think she’s come to eliminate the rest of the family, do ya?” Dairen frowned.

“The apple don’t fall far from the tree, they say. That Howe woman probably deserves it. Besides, what do you think she’ll do to us if we don’t tell her where she is?”

“You don’t think she’d hurt us do you, Seamus? She _is_ an elf.”  
Kallian followed this thread of conversation with interest. The Howe woman? Delilah? “What do you know about Delilah Howe?” She asked.

“Lives with some merchant, over in the market district,” Dairen pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. “Why’re you askin?”

“For a friend. But that’s not why I came here. You see the streets. You see anyone talking about a darkspawn hole? Tunnel? Anything like that?”

“I was just saying to Dairen here that there was this bloke, had an elf with ‘im - kept pretty quiet though - kept goin’ on about this chasm they fell into, with hordes of darkspawn!”

Dairen scoffed, “Nobody believes ‘im though. Anyone who falls into a pit of darkspawn don’t live to tell the tale.”

“Did you get their names?” Kallian urged Seamus on.

“Oh yeah, man goes by the name o’ Colbert. Didn’t catch the elf’s though.”

“Thanks, that should be enough.” Kallian tossed a few silvers to each of them, earning her a nod of respect.

Kallian bit down her irk when she said in an even tone, “We’re looking for a man named Colbert, with an elf.”

She could have told Nathaniel about his sister but she didn’t. Perhaps it was petty, actually it _was_ petty, but she was too annoyed with him to care.

Kallian continued to ignore the man as they wandered down the streets in search of this Colbert person. She could hear Anders and Nathaniel whispering a heated conversation but she let their words flow over her, refusing to let anything penetrate her ire. Stupid, bloody Howe. Stupid sodding Ferelden for always needing to be saved. Stupid fucking Alistair for making her the leader in the first place, for placing everything on her over and over again. A missing sister, deep roads entrances, talking darkspawn - it was happening all over again! Kallian’s breaths were beginning to come in short gasps. She was hyperventilating. Again, it was all happening again. Images of the archdemon and broodmothers swam in front of her eyes. Darkspawn ran at her and she grabbed both daggers, swinging wildly.

She blocked a wild fist and swung wide with her main hand. A fist? Since when did darkspawn fistfight? Still, she countered the swings, ducking until she was behind the attacker pressing her dagger tight against his throat while she forced him to his knees. She would _not_ be brought down.

Hands were on her shoulders, pulling her back, and she thrashed wildly. She would _not_ be taken down. Not into the deep roads.

“Commander! Comm- Kallian!” A man’s voice was in her ear and she twisted away.

“The dark-” Kallian saw several men knocked out, another brought to his knees, the whites of his eyes showing. “The darkspawn?”

“Darkspawn? What? The smugglers thought they would try and ambush us.” Anders crouched in front of her, hands heavy on her shoulders, eyes intent on her face.

“Smugglers. Right.” Kallian’s gaze fell. Not darkspawn. Maker what was happening to her?

“We’re going to let the guards take them in. They can handle this from here.” He offered a hand to her, helping her up from where she was apparently sat on the ground. The hand was warm, soft, centering. No darkspawn. Only men. Smugglers that she almost killed in front of an entire street of civilians.

Looking around, she saw merchants eyeing her, people receding into the shadows when she accidentally caught their eye. Circling around Kallian met Nathaniel’s cold stare, his emotions unreadable. Maker, what happened?

Anders hand still on her shoulder urged her to face him again. “Are you alright?”

No. “Yes.” Kallian tried to even out her breathing, corners of her lips turning up in a half smile - a poor effort on her part. “We need to go to the market district.” All thoughts of being petty had disappeared. Whatever that was… she didn’t want to say visions… she wasn’t endearing herself to Nathaniel any further. They needed to find Delilah and then she wanted to get out of the city.

Nathaniel was leading the way this time, as he actually knew where the market was and Kallian was still feeling shaken.

They stopped in at the Crown and Lion, hoping to pick up the trail of the missing Warden, Kristoff. It took little persuasion beyond the usual line of ‘I’m Warden-Commander’ to get the key to the room Kristoff still had in his name. It was sparse. Whatever things he had, had clearly been packed up. A book, some papers, scraps, were all that was left behind.

“The Blackmarsh,” Nathaniel’s voice filled with dread as he pointed to the map on the wall. An area was circled in ink. “What could he possibly be doing in the Blackmarsh?”

“Where?”

He turned to her, a sharp line between his eyebrows as he explained, “It’s a wasteland. A dead zone. Some even say it’s haunted - spirits of the people who used to live there. You hear the stories…” He rolled his shoulders as if trying to physically brush away the thought of that place.

Oghren looked unperturbed while Anders looked wary. Spirits were bad news. A breach in the veil maybe? That was mage shit, not her territory.

“We’ll just….um… have to deal with that later. He’s a warden, he can handle himself. Our priority is the darkspawn and if there is an entrance nearby, that’s where we have to go first.”

The market was busier than expected considering the continued outpouring of refugees. Perhaps it was a sign Ferelden was starting to recover. Kallian watched the faces of the people she passed. She didn't even know what Delilah Howe looked like but she hoped maybe she would see some flicker of recognition in someone. She hoped Delilah was actually here. Black hair right? Probably. She kept Nathaniel out front, increasing any chance of someone recognizing him. Hoping that someone would be his sister.

“What’re you lookin’ for?” Oghren.

Kallian jumped, “Huh?” She didn’t realize anybody was paying attention to her scrutiny. “Um...Delilah Howe…”

“The Howe woman?” Oghren stuffed his fist in his mouth to hold his laughter in. “Well piss in a bucket, you know where she is!”

Kallian nodded, “Those elves I talked to earlier today, they mentioned her.”

Oghren laughed even harder. “And you’ve been hiding it all this time. Always knew you weren’t one to mess around with, warden.”

They continued walking among the stalls and Kallian saw someone with their back turned, thick dark hair to her shoulders. Maybe this was Delilah.

“Excuse me,” Kallian stepped quickly ahead of Nathaniel and tapped her on the shoulder.

“Yes?” She turned around, eyes lowering to meet Kallian’s. She shifted her glance to the man coming up on Kallian’s right hand side, doing a double-take. “Nate!”

She jumped into him, her arms around his neck, pulling his head down so she could kiss his cheek while his arms automatically found themselves around her waist.

He pushed her away, though his hands remained on her, giving his sister a once-over, eyes filled with regret instead of relief. “Lilah, I’m so sorry...so sorry.” His head fell to her shoulder, hands squeezing her sides.

“Shh, it’s okay Nate.” She rubbed circles into his back until his grip relaxed. She pushed his hair back and framed his face with her hands on his cheeks, pushing him back to look up into his eyes. “We found each other, that’s what matters here.” Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

“This shouldn’t be your life!” Nathaniel said. “You shouldn’t have had to marry a merchant of all things. I’m sorry. Everything Father built for us…”

Delilah’s lips fell open. “You still don’t see him clearly. After everything he’s done, you defend him yet again. And I didn’t settle. I love Albert!”

“You would accept this as your life? You can come back with me, to the Keep. I’m a warden now. Come with me Delilah,” he grasped her hand, clinging to her, clinging to the life that he knew before.

“Nate, no.” She placed a hand over his. “If you’re looking for the one who destroyed the Howes, it was Father. He was cruel, selfish, and vicious. I’m happy now, and you can be too. Nate, I’m expecting.”

His features softened as his gaze lowered to her belly. “A baby? I’ll be an uncle?”

Delilah nodded. “It’s still early, I’m due by Spring.”

“Wow- I … you’re really happy?”

“I really am. You need to come back for tea sometime. Meet my husband.”

Nathaniel nodded, seemingly in a daze. Finally the grumpy man was showing softness. The lines on his face were easing, the perpetual frown erased.

Delilah’s focus finally returned to Kallian. “You’re the commander then?”

“I am.”

Delilah smiled - she had a nice smile, the Howe features were more delicate on her, warm. “Then take good care of him. He can be a fool at times, but in the end he means well enough.”

“Right.” The words stuck to the roof of her mouth. She still had to put Nathaniel - or should she say Nate - through the joining.

“Come back soon, Nate,” Delilah waved goodbye to the group.

They eventually stumbled onto a man speaking to a small crowd about his escape from a darkspawn filled chasm, complete with hand motions and all the exaggerations one might expect from someone telling a tall tale.

“And poor Micah here nearly fainted with worry, but I got us out. Kept my wits about, I did!”

Kallian looked at Oghren and rolled her eyes while he grinned.

“Where is this chasm?” She called over the heads of the crowd.

Several onlookers turned and gasped when they took in the elf wearing full armour bearing the Grey Warden insignia.

“A Warden!” The man, Colbert, paled.

“You took on a whole horde and escaped? Impressive. Maybe we should recruit him; what do you think, Oghren?”

Oghren stroked his whiskers, appearing pensieve. “I say join him up. Talented blighter like this? Can’t let him go to waste.”

Colbert glanced at Micah quickly and then nervously sputtered, “I mean _take on_ is really a matter of opinion. I - I _saw_ them. They more or less just ignored me.”

“Ignored you?” Kallian said sharply.

“Yeah, strange, isn’t?” The man watched as the crowd began to disperse, no longer enraptured by his stories. “It was like they had some other place to be…”

“Can you tell us the exact location?”

“Better yet, if you have a map, I can show you. Micah and I were tracking a buck over that way.” He drew a circle on a map that Nathaniel unfurled.

“Knotwood Hills?” Kallian asked.

“Aye, that’s the place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me on this one! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Also, art of Kallian and Zevran has been added to chapter 2 so go take a look!


	7. A Letter

Walking back to Vigil’s Keep was uncomfortable. She wished they could just head straight to Knotwood Hills but they needed supplies before any attempt at a deep roads entrance. No one was speaking with each other. Kallian couldn’t stop going back to the moment she freaked out, losing her sense of where she was. It was dangerous, but more than that, it was scary. Hearing Anders’ voice right next to her only barely brought her out of it. Nathaniel was lost in his own loop of thoughts. Coming to terms with his sister and perhaps finally accepting the truth of his father’s actions, she hoped. So instead what she was left with was an uncomfortable and awkward and confusing environment of emotions.

It helped that Anders was distracted by his cat, feeding and crooning over the orange tabby. Kallian still saw his occasional lingering stare, not calculating, but thoughtful. She averted her eyes, putting up a wall around herself. Not now, Anders. 

Several times during the day Kallian thought about joining Oghren in his drunken stupor. It might be fun to be ignorant of her worries for a day, but common sense dictated she be alert, no matter the confusion and uncertainty that swarmed her mind. 

The group was met at the gates by a messenger - obviously on standby for their arrival.

“Welcome back, Commander! The seneschal has a few notices for you, something of urgent importance regarding the nobles. The cave-in in the basement has been opened, the men were waiting on your return before they did anything further.” They walked side by side back to the keep as the messenger gave his report. “Also an unmarked letter arrived addressed to you. No one recognized the seal, and it had this big black feather with it.”

“A feather?” Kallian could almost feel her ears perking up. “You’re sure, a black one?”

“I believe so, yes.”

Kallian was off running. She didn’t care if her companions followed. Trees and people blurred beside her as she ran to the main hall.  _ Zevran _ . 

The doors slammed open, the hollow sound echoing through the quiet chamber. 

“Ah, Warden-Commander, I see our messenger reached you.” Varel was in his usual place, looking up from some documents as the doors fell closed behind Kallian.

“My letter?”

“Yes, there was a letter, I have it here.” He handed her a pale envelope. “Now that you’re back the nobles of-”

“The nobles can wait. I’ll be back!” Kallian was already backing away, hands shaking with a nervous excitement, a bubble of laughter tumbling forth.

Kallian skipped,  _ skipped _ , up to her room, thumbing away the wax seal as she went. It was as if he knew that she needed this. This was the something she had needed to push her forward.

The seal removed, and door pressed behind her, Kallian flopped back onto her bed like a lovesick teenager and began to read.

 

Greetings from Antiva!   
How strange it is to be on my own. After being by your side for so long, I find myself, rather lonely. Of course there is not much time for loneliness when there are Crows to be found. Speaking of those murderous birds, I have made several contacts in Antiva City. I won’t speak of my plans in this letter for there are always wandering eyes and slippery fingers, but this I will say: the game is on. 

Enough about the Crows. I only wish this were a trip for pleasure and that you were with me. You are  una estr ah excuse me, apparently my writing in Common is not quite as fluent as my speaking.  Here for but a few days and already I am slipping into Antivan. Eres como una estrella, tan bella para admirarla y tan lejana para tocarla. You are like a star, mi amor, so beautiful to admire and so far to touch. Such a foreign ache I feel in my chest these days for you. I am left wanting, maybe you are understanding this, yes?   
Think of me before you sleep at night, and perhaps we will meet in our dreams - and hopefully they are very dirty. Sorry, mi amor, you know I had to, a man’s hand can only do so much.

Until my next one, I am yours,

Z

 

She could hear his accented voice in every word. Laughing at his comment about dirty dreams, and aching with him at his longing for her. Yes, she did understand. Somehow having this letter, it sharpened that ache, a fist clenching around her heart. It wasn’t enough. She wanted more, intoxicated by his words, and the teasing of what she was missing. There was so much to say. So many unspoken words. Was he safe? Was he being careful? And Kallian had no way of voicing these thought to him, her heart slowed to a dull thud. She couldn’t write back. She didn’t know where he was, didn’t know how to contact him without compromising whatever advantage he may have had. Secrecy and stealth were his friends right now. So she sat and ached with him. Why did it hurt? She wasn’t expecting it to hurt, but all she could feel was the absence of him. A piece of paper in place of her lover. She dropped the letter from unfeeling hands. It wasn’t enough.

Kallian laid back, chest heaving from the sudden hurt, eyes prickling. She scrubbed her face furiously. He was okay. He had the time to write to her, he was a professional. Zevran knew what he was doing and Kallian just had to trust him. The aching lightened as she breathed deeply in through her nose. She did trust him.

“Commander!” Anders’ voice rang through as he knocked, opening the door a half second later.

“What’s the point of knocking if you open the door anyways?”

He momentarily looked abashed. “It’s just, there are nobles here, lots of them. And an apostate, a pariah, and a drunken dwarf are not particularly well equipped for this sort of situation.”

“Nobles. Here, now?”

Anders winced and that was all Kallian needed for confirmation. “Tits. Andraste’s bloody tits.”

“Pretty much sums that up, yeah.”

Kallian blew out a breath of air. “Okay, are my eyes red?” She faced him fully, feeling her face warm up under his stare. He was too good looking to be this close to her.

Anders’ eyebrows crinkled together. “No they’re not.”

“Perfect.” Kallian brushed past him, not wanting Anders to make anything further of it.

“Kallian,” Anders reached toward her, but clenched his fist, thinking better of it when she turned around. “Were you… are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing,” she met his eyes firmly. Just being an over emotional girl.

She didn’t make it too far into the hall before she ran into the other wardens. 

“What are all the nobles of Amaranthine doing here? Right now?” Stress made her voice raise higher in pitch, an internal cringe rang through her.

“They’re here to swear fealty to you. But I imagine you’ll also be hearing other concerns and issues that need to be addressed,” Nathaniel informed her.

“The  _ darkspawn _ need to be addressed!” Again cringing at the whine in her voice. Her eyes widened as she looked at Nate. “Nathaniel. Nathaniel  _ Howe _ . Help me, please. I don’t know what to say, what to do, you can help.”

His mouth twisted into a self-satisfied grin, “Pariah, remember? They don’t want me anywhere near them.”

Her shoulders dropped. “Oh  _ now _ you smile. Tits.”

“I can take care of ‘em for ya. Oghren style!” Oghren nudged her side.

“By what? Fouling up the room so badly with your smell so they all have to leave?” Anders said innocently.

“You’re all so helpful. Really, It’s so great I have you three as my wardens,” the sarcasm dripped from Kallian’s words. “Well, chin up, tits out - that’s what Shianni always says.” Kallian looked down where her leather armour pressed tight against her chest, flattening her already small breasts. “Right…”

* * *

 

Several disgruntled faces met the elven Arlessa’s when she entered. Perhaps they didn’t like to be kept waiting, or they simply sneered at the fact that she was an elf. The latter was unfortunately the likelier of the two.

“If I hear one muttered ‘Knife-ear’ I’m out of here. They can sort out their own sodding problems,” she whispered into Varel’s ear to which he nodded and she sat down in the overly lush chair to await the swearing of fealties or whatever this whole thing was.

Lord after lord presented themselves in front of her, a Bann what’s-his-name had a broken bridge, Lady whoever was missing a shipment of silks. Trade, farms, everything gone to shit pretty much and of course it was suddenly Kallian’s job to fix it. Maybe not so suddenly, as she recalled the inumerous favours and odd jobs she had done during the Blight. She couldn’t contain her groan.

“I’m sorry my lady?” The noble in front of her heard the poorly suppressed noise of boredom. 

Kallian straightened in her seat. “Um, yes go on. You were saying about…?” She trailed off as she realized she had been caught not paying attention.

“The cattle.” He prompted.

“Right, yes, the cattle.” Kallian nodded and hmmed at all the right places, subtly looking to her seneshal to call it quits. 

She almost hoped one of them would tell her they had been overrun by darkspawn. Then she could at least be all impressive and Grey Warden-like and actually  _ do _ something. Backed up trade, poor crops; she didn’t have those answers. 

At long last the room cleared and Kalian slumped backwards, looking at the ceiling. “Thank the Maker.” Her sighs echoed around the empty room. Even her wardens had stayed well away from this task. 

The seneschal was at her elbow after sending off the nobles, in what was quite possibly the most dignified and polite way possible, rather than booting them to the front steps which would have been all too satisfying to see. 

“There is…” Varel hesitated, “A slight problem.”

Kallian flung an arm over her face. “What. What now?”

The guard captain stepped forward. “There have been rumours, mutterings really, of a coup.”

“A what?”

Varel and the captain exchanged glances before the captain continued. “There are still nobles loyal to the late Rendon Howe. Promises were made, gold exchanged. These nobles want to overthrow your power.”

“Oh is that all? People trying to kill me, as usual.” Kallian leaned over to one side, propping her chin on her hand. “I imagine you have some sort of solution? Unless I’m the solution? The last few nobles who got in my way ended up pretty dead.”

“That’s really the heart of the problem,” Varel informed her. “We don’t have any confirmed names.”

“I could volunteer my soldiers to keep on eye one the nobles of the surrounding area,” said Captain Garevel.

Kallian shook her head. “We already lost too many guards, we need them here.” She didn’t voice her distrust in the guards to actually do such a job. As she always said, nobles and guards - they don’t see shit.

“There is another way…” Garevel appeared hesitant to make this suggestion. “There are rumours of a ‘Dark Wolf’. Some sort of informant - a spy - that can be hired, but at quite a cost.”

“Those are rumours.” Varel tried to shut him down, but Kallian was intrigued.

“Do you have a better suggestion?” She turned to the seneschal.

“I wouldn’t call it a better suggestion by any means. Nor would I recommend it, but you could invite all the nobles here. Set up your own surveillance of them, in your own territory. Frame it as a party.”

“Invite all the nobles back here...as a party?” Kallian snorted. “Brilliant, I think this Dark Wolf is our best bet. Where do I find him?”

Varel chuckled, “I told you I didn’t actually recommend that option. These rumours place the Dark Wolf in Amaranthine.”

“Shit, are you serious? We just came from there. Okay I’ll go back there after we go to Knotwood Hills.” At Varel’s confused expression she elaborated. “Turns out there’s a chasm that leads to the deep roads there. I figure if I’m in the deep roads no one is gonna try and kill me there. No one beyond the usual darkspawn. So there’s no rush on finding the Dark Wolf until we’re back.”

“Sounds like a plan Commander,” Varel smiled. “Anything else I can do for you?”

“We still have to perform the joining for Nathaniel - I’d really prefer to do that before we go anywhere near the deep roads. And then we need supplies for our expedition. It  _ always _ takes longer than expected when it comes to the deep roads.”

The seneschal nodded and the guard captain took his leave. It felt amazing to just be able to ask for supplies and then receive them. No more sharing tents, scrounging for coin, hoping to hunt for enough food - she actually had people to support her actions this time around. 

She gathered her wardens back together and prepared for Nathaniel’s joining. Her stomach twisted when Varel reappeared with the same goblet they had used before. Kallian had never found herself to be particularly religious but again when it came to the Joining she found herself praying to the Maker for her recruit’s survival.

Kallian spoke the words and was surprised at Nathaniel’s solemnity when his grey eyes met hers.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe this way I can restore honour to my family’s name.” And then he drank, falling to the floor a half second later.

With trepidation, Kallian checked his breathing. She let out a breath, head falling back. “He’ll make it.”

“So now we just wait?” Anders asked.

“Pretty much.”

“I’m getting a sodding drink.” Oghren huffed and walked away. 

A muted groan alerted Kallian that her newest warden was waking up. Nathaniel sat for a moment, head pressed into his hands before he began to rise to his feet. 

“Welcome to the wardens, Nate,” Kallian held a hand out for him.

He squinted at her as he stood. “My sister calls me that.”

“I noticed,  _ Nate _ ,” Kallian emphasized his name. 

“I suppose there’s really no stopping you from calling me that, is there?” His mouth worked into a wry grin.

Kallian beamed, “Now you’re learning!” It was so easy to be happy and silly again once the Joining was out of the way. “Now let’s go see if we can find Oghren before we completely lose him to the drink, and then can we head to the basement.”

* * *

 

Sergeant Maverlies led the group down the stairs, through the halls they had cleared of darkspawn not so long ago. Where the rubble and boulders used to be, a platform of wood and and a ladder opened up the way further into the deep road tunnels.

Kallian stood in front of the three men, not that Oghren needed to be told but she figured as Commander, it was probably her job to state the plan, give orders, that kind of thing. “Before we go down there, we need to establish the plan. Oghren, you’re in front, that means everyone else - especially you Anders - stays behind. Whatever we encounter, we take them out - that’s really all it boils down to.”

“I have to admit, not too shabby, Commander.” Nathaniel’s lips turned ever so slightly upwards in a hint of a smile.

They filed down the series of ladders one at a time. The cold, damp air of the basement grew stuffy, hot, the dampness turned into humidity, a film of sweat beading on everyone’s face. 

“This is a bloody nightmare,” Anders complained after several minutes of walking through the winding caves.

“You’re not wrong,” said Kallian. She tried to keep focused, slow breaths, but her muscles were tense, on high alert. The walls were  _ not _ closing in on her. The tunnels were  _ not _ narrowing. 

The first small group of darkspawn were welcomed. Fighting allowed Kallian to push any notion of panic out of her mind. All thoughts, reactions, motions boiled down to three things: duck, parry, and slice. It was a small group, small enough that Kallian could concentrate on backstabbing any darkspawn facing Oghren and knew that Nathaniel and Anders had enough distance to be fine on their own. Anders worked quick with paralysis spells and Nathaniel’s arrows flew strong. They were her wardens, and this was their job.

But this was the deep roads, and they were in the darkspawn’s playground, so when that group was killed, another emerged, thundering down the tunnels towards them, and this group had an emissary.

“Anders, emissary!” Was all she had time to shout before a ball of fire was hurdling towards them. She didn’t have time to yell for everyone to find cover, but when it comes to flame, people tend to instinctively run away.

The impact shook the ground and sent Kallian tumbling. Oghren rose to his feet yelling, running into the fray immediately, his heavy armour only singed. Kallian rolled onto a knee, noticing a twinge of pain from her ankle. Probably sprained it in the fall, but not significant enough to keep her out of the fight. She got up, shifting her weight forwards onto her good ankle.

The emissary was conjuring again and Kallian locked eyes with Anders, who just finished healing the burns on Nate. He gave her a strained nod, conjuring at the same time as the emissary, but she didn’t think he would be fast enough - and the emissary was closer now, all of them in range for the next inferno sure to take hold of them.

Kallian was quick. She could make it to the casting darkspawn before the spell could take hold. She grit her teeth, stepping quickly through the pain, keeping low and avoiding attention. 

She wasn’t close enough. “Shit!” The emissary raised its hands.

An arrow struck the flesh of its arm, followed in quick succession by another to the throat. Blood spurted out through the wound, the magic dying on its fingers as the emissary fell.

“Another blighter down,” Oghren said as he stepped on the back of a Hurlock to yank the axe from its head. “We do good work.” He toasted himself with a flask.

Kallian didn’t even know what to say, shaking her head in exasperation. Could she really complain about his drinking when he was so effective at fighting? She was the one holding back the hysteria at being deep underground, he was doing his job just fine.

She grimaced when she accidentally shifted to her bad ankle. “Hey Anders, could you take a look at this?”

“Why would you go running at a darkspawn when you twisted your ankle?” He had her sit while he felt along the swollen joint.

“You weren’t going to take him out in time. Would you rather be on fire? Ow!” He pushed on a particularly tender spot before his hands started to glow blue.

Nathaniel walked over, slinging his bow onto his back. “You realize I have arrows right? That was foolish. We need to be able to depend on each other, not have you running in to save the day.”

“I wasn’t-”

Nathaniel’s stern glare cut through her like her own father’s. 

“Okay you grumpy, old man, I’m sorry. I should follow my own rules… and that was some good shooting,” she admitted grudgingly.

“Are you all just gonna stand around talking about yer feelings? Or are we gonna seal up these tunnels?” Oghren barked.

Kallian stood, testing her ankle, rotating it a few times. “Good as new, thanks Anders.”

“Always a pleasure to help out a pretty lady,” He grinned.

Kallian tilted her head at him, a single eyebrow raised.

He held out his hands in an attempt at innocence. “Sorry, habit! Helps to pretend I’m not in some hot, damp, darkspawn-infested hole.”

She only smiled at him. His minor flirting was surprisingly agreeable to her. It helped keep her mood light when the back of her brain was telling her to  _ get out _ ! If it helped him too, then why not.

They were almost there. A series of gears and latches indicated there was some sort of door. Seal it and leave. Kallian breathed out slowly. Almost there.

The telltale thumping of large feet proved that idea impossible at the moment.

“Tits.” She cursed, feeling like that was all she was saying lately.

Oghren hefted his axe higher. “Don’t piss yourselves, but that’s an ogre coming our way.”

“Yes, because my first instinct was to soil my pants,” Anders replied, twirling his staff in his hands.

“Brave talk for a squishy mage,” Nathaniel drew the string of his bow back, not hiding his smirk.

“One point per kill?” Anders shot back at him.

That line made Kallian’s heart twist tightly, her lungs hurting - Zevran used to joke about competing for points. He wasn’t here, but reminders of him kept cropping up. He wasn’t here though. He wasn’t here to calm down the panic seizing her at being trapped in the deep roads. Her heart thudded sluggishly. Zevran wasn’t here, ever present at her side, reminding her that they were safe. The ogre stomped closer and closer, the men teasing each other back and forth, Kallian’s vision tunneling. Kallian wiped the sweat from her brow. 

“Guys…” A swarm of darkspawn burst out from the wall behind them, Kallian’s breath came in gasps. “Anders.” 

He turned around, ready to cast and his eyes fell to Kallian who was swaying as she got down to her knees where the darkspawn coming from the rear were nearly upon her.

Muffled shouts were barely heard over the sound of blood rushing past her ears. Her fingers fumbled at the dagger in her belt, numbly trying to grip the handle. 

Warmth suddenly infused her body, feeling returning to her fingers and the black spots faded away and Anders was at her back.

“Down!” Anders yelled and cast a bolt of lightning at the genlock that was nearly upon her. 

Feeling more alert, despite the sweat still dripping down her neck, Kallian drew her weapons, tucking and rolling to one side while Anders cast fire towards the group. She spared a glance at the ogre, watching Oghren running between the massive legs, hacking at its calves.

The darkspawn started surrounding Anders and Kallian ran to his aid, slicing at anything that got too close.

“What was that?”

“What?” Ander shouted, brow furrowed in concentration while he summoned the mana he needed.

“The spell!” Kallian spun and cut through another genlock.

“Rejuvenation - effects are only temporary though,” he grunted as he pushed a hurlock back with his staff, giving him the space to throw more fire at it.

“Could use some help over here!” Nate yelled, trying to aim at the ogre’s eye while it waved around-

“Oghren!” Kallian gasped, sprinting towards the giant darkspawn with the dwarf in its meaty fist.

She tried cutting into its heels, slicing deep into the ogre’s legs, but nothing would distract it from the prize in its hand. 

She looked frantically to her archer, “Nate! Do something!”

“Trying,” he muttered, eyes tracking the Ogre’s rampaging motions.

Anders, having killed the last hurlock rushed forward - exactly where Kallian had told him  _ not _ to be. He downed a blue liquid from a vial,tossing it to the side, then put his remaining mana into paralyzing the ogre. All movement ceased. 

Oghren finally fell free, cursing and spitting; his armour was dented but not destroyed. What mattered was that it protected him from being the dented one.

Kallian hiked up the back of the now immobilized ogre. Raising both hands above her, wrapped around the hilt of her dagger, she struck downwards, sinking her blade deep into the base of the ogre’s skull. Kallian rode it down as it collapsed, leaping lightly off as it hit the ground.

“Do the honours, will you?” she panted, gesturing for Nathaniel to pull the heavy latched door closed.

Oghren groaned. “Gonna be bruised for weeks. Ah, the deep roads,” he sighed. He actually seemed to be enjoying himself.

“Let’s get out of here,” Kallian ordered, and began working her way back through the tunnels with her only slightly worse-for-wear wardens.

Anders, pale and shaky from being drained of all mana in that last spell, walked beside her. “I can’t believe that worked. I’ve never done it on anything so big, but… it worked!” He was riding the adrenaline rush, high on the success of the kill.

“Glad I conscripted you,” Kallian teased, but weariness was creeping into her voice. The spell was beginning to wear off, familiar panic slinking its way back into her head and gripping her heart.

“You don’t like deep, dark places do you?” Anders voice was serious this time.

“Not particularly.”

“Me neither.” He didn’t elaborate, but his tone spoke of understanding, sharing that burden.

Kallian almost audibly sighed with relief when they reached the same rickety set of ladders that would take them out of the deep roads. She craved wind and sunlight, suddenly looking forward to their nights of camping as they made their way to Knotwood Hills. Her gut wrenched, thinking of the time they still had yet to spend in the deep roads there. Anders had a spell. He had a spell that worked. If he could just keep up that spell, Kallian could keep up the pretense of the fearless commander. First though, some fresh air.


	8. When the Sun Goes Down

Zevran slipped among narrow alleyways until he found the abandoned, rundown building. It very likely used to be a whorehouse, considering the area he was in. What a shame. The exposed beams and open windows made for very good climbing footholds, however. He swung his legs up over another wooden beam and crawled along it until he reached the window at the highest point. Slipping out to stand on the ledge, he hoisted himself smoothly onto the roof. 

He surveyed the streets below him from his vantage point. The sun was high in the sky, which meant people would be less likely to look up even as he saw many shielding their eyes from the harsh glares below. One would expect that the dead of night was the perfect time to go lurking through the city unnoticed, but they would be wrong. An amateur’s mistake. As soon as the sun goes down, everything changes. Guards become more alert, travelers more wary, empty streets make it easy to notice a person out of place. The peak hours of the day are a different story. Streets bustle, making it easy to slip about unnoticed, get lost in a sea of faces, spot a target’s routines and habits. Zevran smiled dangerously. He enjoyed being back home. What better way to welcome himself back than an assassination. Such was the way of Antiva City.

The buildings were crammed together, small gaps easy to leap across. Zevran broke into a quick sprint, pushing off his jump with his right leg, landing gracefully on his left. His movements were rhythmic, fluid, as he ran from rooftop to rooftop, making his way to his destination. The few contacts he had made had proven themselves useful indeed. Never underestimate a whoreson, Zevran smirked as he ran. With the right amount of gold, any prostitute would speak. 

Keeping an eye on the bustling streets below, the assassin finally reached the building he was looking for. A nondescript building - perfect for lyrium smuggling. Apparently a dealer pissed off a trader, an argument ensued about money owed, and the Crows were called upon. The details were unnecessary, for Zevran was not here for them, but the Crow who was assigned to them.

A scuffle began in the alley behind the building, diverting his attentions for the moment. He placed his boot just at the edge of the scaffolding, leaning over to peer down below him. Three men were pushing two elven women ahead of them. Two of them had large staves slung over their backs.

“Brasca,” he muttered. Slavers. He checked the sun, still not too low in the sky. He had time.

His footsteps made no noise as he ran along the edge of the roof, tracking their progress. He had grown too used to fighting in a group. He would have to be cautious here, as soon as he took out one, the others would notice and be on their guard. He ran his hand along the many vials stored along his belt - magebane to take down the mages, he could take the last man in combat.

He leapt down an awning, the sun ahead of him so they wouldn’t see his shadow lurking closer and closer. The blonde girl struggled and the burly male backhanded her, her entire body shoved away from him with the force. Zevran’s blood boiled, he could only see Kallian - the blonde hair, a single pointed ear revealed where she had her hair tucked behind it. The sadistic side of him rather wanted to remove the man’s hands - from his body. 

He sprinted, running on his toes, simultaneously coating thin spikes with the magebane. Stealthily, he jabbed one poisoned spike into the neck of the shorter mage, the man not even realizing Zevran was behind him before it was already too late. The mage sank to the ground, groaning, but already Zevran had rolled to the side, the other spike sinking into the fleshy thigh of the tall mage, dropping him in seconds.

He slid both spikes back into his belt smoothly, and retrieved his daggers. The final slaver, perhaps a hired hand, unsheathed a greatsword, almost as tall as Zevran himself. 

“You dirty street rat,” the man growled in Common.

Zevran leapt backwards as the sword swung towards him in a high arc. “You are mistaken, my burly friend, son of a whore is more accurate. Even moreso is Crow.” He spoke jovially as he continued to dance away from the large blade. The nimble elf leapt up a window ledge, to perch upon an overhang just above that. “Well I suppose it would be more accurate to say  _ former _ Crow. You see, I no longer work for them,” he continued his casual conversation.

The girls were still cowering to the side, the dark haired beauty had her arms around the blonde one who had been struck. 

“Get out of here!” Zevran shouted, as he was done playing around, planning a swift death for the hired sword. “ Eres libre,” he tried again in Antivan. “Huir!” 

The elves nodded frantically, fleeing out of the alley and back down the streets, shouting, “Gracias! Gracias!” as they ran.

Zevran let his face grow cold, the smirk sliding from his features as he became the predator he was trained to be. He scaled the building, disappearing from the man’s view, barely a shadow flitting across the ground as he moved. 

The man whirled around, trying and failing to spot the assassin high above him. He knew he was outmatched and started to run, the two unconscious mages left behind. The man paused for a heartbeat, unsure which way to turn at the intersecting street. Zevran dropped down behind him, the cold metal of his blade digging into the flesh of the warrior’s neck.

“Please!” He immediately started begging. “It was only a job, just let me go!”

Zevran kicked the man’s knees out, forcing him to kneel. Zevran sneered, as he purred into the man’s ear, “Yo no hablo el idioma común.”  _ I do not speak the common tongue _ . With that, he dragged his gleaming weapon across the pink flesh of the warrior’s neck. Crimson trailed out behind it, flowing freely as the man fell, quickly bleeding out.

He backtracked along the alley to the mages who were starting to rouse. He tsked as he slipped a dagger up into the first mage’s armpit, and twisted sharply, stopping the man’s heart. Fucking slavers. People were...were  _ people _ , not for purchasing, for buying and shipping like some sort of cargo. The tall mage on his other side was struggling to his feet and Zevran whipped a knife across the short distance, the flying blade landed squarely in the mage’s chest bringing him straight back down. 

He removed the knife, wiping it on the mage’s robe and looked up seeing that the sun was rapidly beginning its descent. The bodies were going to have to remain where they were. Fucking slavers making him late. 

He hadn’t wandered too far from his original viewpoint so it was easy to sprint back over, scaling back up to the roof. A lanky man with dark brown hair slipped through the door as someone else left the building, letting it fall closed behind him. Assuming the lyrium trader inside was not at the front, they would never know another person had just entered. The lanky man would also have no idea Zevran was eyeing him as his target.

Zevran eased himself over the ledge he was standing on, slipping into the narrow gap between the walls. Bracing his legs against either wall, he crept down until he reached the window he knew to lead into the back room. He swung inside, landing feather light on his toes, knees bent and eyes darting around to make sure there was no notice of his intrusion. He listened intently - there was no point in interrupting the contracted kill, as if it was not completed now, another Crow would be sent, as was the way of things.

The room beyond was quiet but for a muffled wheeze - an excellent kill. Zevran smiled, he would expect no less from a well-trained Crow. He moved the curtain aside once the other Crow’s back was turned. He already had his dagger in his right hand. Zevran struck quickly, using his leverage to bring the man down and forcing his arm high up his back, his dagger already at the man’s neck.

“Alen, how pleased I am to see you.” He breathed along the human’s neck, speaking in Antivan, standing directly behind him.

Ever the cold bastard, Alen responded in their native language, “You have me at a disadvantage. Would you like to tell me your name before I bleed you?”

“I am afraid you are the only one who will be bleeding. What is our old Master up to these days, anyway?” Zevran pressed the dagger tighter against his neck, drawing blood.

“Our old… Zevran?” Alen chuckle darkly. “Whatever you are doing here, you will get no information from me. You should have stayed under the protection of the Wardens.”

It didn’t matter if he got information or not. Either he found the Master or the Master would come to him. Zevran was going to rip through the Crows of House Arainai one by one either way. He dragged his dagger cleanly across Alen’s neck, swift and with purpose. 

One down.

* * *

 

The sun was beginning to set so they decided to set up camp for the night. Kallian was in desperate need of a bath. The unusually warm summer they were having made her sticky with sweat by the end of every day of walking. 

She grabbed her towel and a bar of soap heading for the stream they were so far travelling along.

“Heading for a dip, don’t follow me, Anders,” she teased him.

“And soil our dear Commander’s good reputation? I never!” He affronted, hand on his chest in disbelief.

The echoes of her laughter bounced off the trees while she walked away, leaving the boys to deal with dinner. Nate was their resident hunter, as proficient with the bow as he was. 

She stripped quickly, untying her hair from the low ponytail before she slipped into the refreshing water, goosebumps spread across her flesh and her nipples peaked and she wrapped an arm around her front self-consciously. When she was submerged up to her neck she ducked under the water, coming up for breath with a gasp. 

She lathered her soap up feeling the soothing relief of all the dirt and grime leaving her body. Kallian combed through her tangled and sweaty hair, feeling cleaner by the second. She dunked under the surface once again, letting the current carry away the suds.

She hummed as he stroked the blonde strands through her fingers, thinking of all her baths with Zevran. His hot skin pressed against her back, erotically soaping up her body, his hands wandering lower to circle her pert breasts, thumbing over her nipples. Kallian sighed heavily as she mirrored her thoughts with her own hands, the soap forming a creamy lather across her breasts and stomach.

Zevran’s much too talented hands would wander lower, circling and teasing, an arm around her waist to keep her still, forcing her to absorb the pleasure he was giving her. He would hush her and remind her to be quiet, out in the open as they were in the water. He would hold her hair back, giving his lips easy access to her neck and sensitive ears. She would squirm, making him groan at the friction pressing against his bare erection. Kallian threw her head back, getting lost in her fantasy, her fingers working faster.

A moan came forth, unbidden and Kallian pressed her lips together firmly.

“Are you alright, Comm - oh” Anders stopped several feet shy of the riverbank.

Kallian bolted upwards, eyes flying open and sinking underneath the current, hugging her arms around herself. “What are you doing here,” she tried to keep her voice level even as the heat rose up her face and across her chest.

Anders was facing backwards, hunched over chuckling. “Were… were you?” He broke off in giggles, pressing a fist into his mouth.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Kallian as she got out of the river drying herself off.

“We all have our  _ needs _ , I just wish you would have come to me instead -” 

Kallian, having gotten dressed, jogged over to Anders and smacked the back of his head. “Fuck off,” she muttered.

“Ow! I’m only teasing,” he broke out into laughter again. “I’m sorry, you were gone for a while so we figured someone should come check on you.”

The clearing where they set up camp was coming into view and Kallian desperately willed her blush to go away. 

“I found our illicit commander!” Anders voice rang out like clear bells.

“Illicit?” Nathaniel asked from the fire where he was spinning rabbits on a spit.

“Improper, tawdry, indecent,” Anders smirked as he listed off the synonyms.

Trying to change the subject Kallian nearly shouted, “So Nate, are you looking forward to being an uncle?”

Anders snickered and Kallian resisted the urge to shove him from the large rock they both shared. Stupid bloody mage interrupting her bath.

The archer looked up in surprise, to be addressed so casually, as if Kallian seemed to care about his life somehow. “I suppose I am,” he smiled, and got to work at serving up the meat.

“Do you like kids?” Kallian pressed, an eye still warily locked onto Anders who only shrugged in innocence.

“My only experience with little kids were with my own siblings. Supper’s ready Oghren!” Nathaniel called out to Oghren's tent. “So I can’t say much beyond that at that age I thought they were loud and they always tried to take my things,” he said wryly.

“So our dear Nate wasn’t the perfect older sibling?” Kallian tried to imagine the taciturn warden before her as a child - and she nearly laughed at the image she conjured of a small boy with the same frown lines and downturned mouth.

“Far from it,” he grinned,  _ truly _ grinned, at the memories. “I stole Delilah’s dolls and chopped their hair off.” At seeing Kallian’s jaw drop, he waved a hand. “It’s not as if she didn’t retaliate. I got my fair share too.”

Oghren tossed his plate into the stack and grunted, “You kids keep it down while old Oghren sleeps it off.” Kallian knew their conversation would soon be punctuated by his drink-induced snores.

“I didn’t have any siblings,” Anders sighed. “Though if that’s what happened then maybe it’s better I didn’t. Probably would have just ended up a mage and locked in a far away circle anyway.”

“Are the circles truly so bad?” Nate asked.

“Yes.” Kallian and Anders answered simultaneously.

“That’s... you agree?” Anders found it hard to believe a non-mage would even understand.

“You used the chaos after Uldred’s rebellion to escape - I cleaned up Uldred’s rebellion. It was horrible… and the templars, all of them so willing to throw everybody’s lives away.”

Nathaniel leaned forward. “But the templars are supposed to protect the mages, aren’t they?”

Anders snorted, flicking his wrist to reignite the dying fire. “Sure, sure. That’s what the Chantry would have you believe.” He shook his head, blonde locks falling in front of his face. “They gave me a year in solitary for my last escape attempt. All I did was leave, I didn’t hurt anyone; I went to a Tavern, hit up some brothels… foolish, but not dangerous.”

The contrast between Wynne and Anders was astounding. Wynne, who always preached the importance of the tower, but Anders couldn’t wait to be rid of it. “You’re with the Wardens now, Anders. They can’t touch you.”

“You saved both of us from imminent imprisonment and… death,” Nate glanced at the other man, and Anders gave him a nod of confirmation. “How did  _ you _ end up in the Wardens anyway, Commander?” 

Kallian tried to feign nonchalance, “Oh same as you, killed some people who I shouldn’t have, Warden-Commander saved me from imprisonment and death.”

“Some?” Nathaniel asked, his eyebrows raising.

“Killed?” Anders echoed in equal disbelief.

Kallian rubbed a hand over her eyes, not wanting to think about that sodding day more than she really had to. “I was supposed to be getting married.”

“To the assassin?” said Anders.

Kallian shook her head. “Different guy… he died… The Arl of Denerim’s son thought it would be fun to take some of the girls back to the estate, including me, and my cousin.”

“Vaughan? He always was disgusting.” Nathaniel spat.

“Well I killed him to get out, and several guards. Duncan, the previous commander, happened to be in the alienage. Apparently he knew my mother, and was happy to get me. Recruiting me saved my life. Sort of.”

“Only sort of?” Anders teased.

Shoving herself up from her seat on the rock, she paced by the fire. This was probably the moment. Alistair had held off way too long on telling her, she had to come clean about what being a warden meant.

“I don’t really know how to begin. Fucking tits. Okay, there are some warden secrets that I don’t want to tell you, but I really  _ should _ tell you because you’ll probably be pretty pissed if I wait too long. I was. But you’ll be pissed either way probably.”

“Shouldn’t we be waking up the dwarf then?” Nathaniel jutted his chin over at Oghren’s tent.

“Dwarves know the secrets,” she answered. “I’m just gonna say it okay? The tainted blood we drink limits our lifespan. The magic somehow holds off the effects… but it still claims us eventually.”

“Limits, how much?” Anders voiced his thoughts cautiously, fearing the answer.

“Alistair told me that the average lifespan is about thirty years after you’ve gone through the Joining,” Kallian looked at the ground, the silence growing but for the sparks popping from the fire.

“Thirty years free is better than fifty years in the tower,” Anders finally spoke, his voice soft in contemplation.

Nathaniel’s eyebrows were crinkled together. “Still… only thirty years. How do the dwarves know this?”

“Once the taint starts to… er take you, you start to hear the calling. Duncan said it was like a song, luring him to the Deep Roads.”

Anders shuddered. “Okay, that part is actually bloody horrible.”

Kallian sat back down with a huff of air. “No shit. So the wardens go down into the Deep Roads, and the dwarves all see them go in and never come back. They make their conclusions. It’s not too hard to figure out.” 

She tapped her fingers along the stone as the men processed. She wasn’t sure how they would feel about the next part. Maybe if Anders liked to sleep around as much as he said he did, it would be a blessing. Kallian hadn’t really been too bothered by it at the time. Still, sometimes she looked at Zev and couldn’t help but picture the little blonde children. Not that she was unhappy, far from it. Realistically, an assassin and a Grey Warden didn’t exactly have typically stable careers for that kind of life anyways. She hadn’t even ever mentioned it to Zevran, he as well seemed quite content with their status quo.

“The other thing... well besides the nightmares, but you already know about those. The other thing is that Grey Wardens are supposedly infertile. If a Warden has ever had a child… it’s beyond rare.”

Anders simply said, “I see.”

“Then I shall have to dote on my niece or nephew even moreso it seems,” Nathaniel smiled softly.

“You’re not bothered?” Kallian thought for sure a noble would be concerned, well seeing as he wasn’t actually a noble anymore, an heir wasn’t a problem. It was Alistair’s problem though. Something Eamon still didn’t know. No one did for now, it wasn’t as if the king had a wife to try with. Kallian scrunched up her nose, thinking of someone who was as much her family as her own cousins doing  _ that _ . She blinked rapidly, wanting to clear the image from her head.

“I find I am not. It didn’t seem that father was going to pass the Arling down to me anyways, and I rather liked adventuring in the Free Marches.”

“Well I’m still sorry, Anders, Nate.” Kallian looked nervously between the two of them but only saw sympathy. They were all wardens, all in this together.

Anders leaned back, gazing up into the clear starry sky. “I get to see the stars every night, use my magic to actually help people, have a drink here and there; I don’t feel like I’ve given up anything.”

Kallian too, stared up at the open sky above her, wanting to memorize the patterns of the stars. “Get a good look. We’ll be into the Deep Roads sooner than you think,” the bitterness coated her words, turning them into acid instead of a comforting reminder to enjoy the night. Those soft winds and star-flecked skies were about to turn into stale heat and oppressive gloom.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Eres Libre - You're free  
> Huir - Run away


	9. Into the Deep

“You keep that arrow trained on her!” Kallian shouted to Nate over her shoulder as she bolted towards the dwarf.

“What?” He shouted incredulously. 

“Just do it!” She screeched. The darkspawn had already dragged the dwarf further away even as Kallian ran after them.

The dwarf managed to kick off one of the genlocks and Kallian sliced left, catching the crook of the elbow of the other, forcing it to drop the dwarf’s ankle. Twin axes hit the back of the other darkspawn while Kallian took down the genlock she had already injured with a spinning strike, forcing her dagger up through the chin and into it’s skull. Her heartbeat slowed as she wiped and resheathed her weapons, thankful that Nathaniel didn’t have to take that shot.

The dwarf had removed her helmet and was yanking one of her axes out of the genlock’s spine. “Nice dagger work there! Sigrun, Legion of the Dead,” she introduced herself as she turned around, revealing hard lines of tattoos across her forehead, cheeks, and chin.

“You’re with the Legion?” Kallian waved over the men to join them. “What do you know about this place?” 

“I know there’s a lot more darkspawn where these guys came from. I’m the last one left alive, at least the last one still breathing - we’re all dead already. We were trying to clear out Kal’Hirol and we were ambushed.” 

Despite describing her entire Legion being wiped out, Sigrun seemed to be in good spirits. Kallian wasn’t sure she’d ever understand the Legion, but they were good fighters if nothing else.

“I’m Kallian, these assholes are Anders, Nate, and Oghren,” she smirked, “My wardens.”

Sigrun’s eyes grew round, “You’re Grey Wardens? Incredible! I’m Sigrun, please to meet you.”

“Hold on now. What was that about aiming my bow at  _ her _ ,” a very grumpy Nathaniel asked with indignation colouring his every word. 

“Broodmothers,” Kallian answered while both the dwarves present nodded morosely.

“What? Brood-?”

“Mothers, yeah,” Kallian confirmed.

“What exactly are they?” Anders asked and exchanged worried looks with Nate.

“Trust me kid, you don’t wanna see ‘em. Nasty tentacled things. And I thought my wife, Branka, was a nightmare.”

“They… take women, and turn them into broodmothers…” Kallian started to explain, feeling the anxiety pushing at her mind, memories of hot flesh and warped, oozing limbs wrapping around, trapping. “Let’s not get into it.” She shook her head. “Hopefully we won’t find any. But point is, don’t let the darkspawn take me,” she finished with a whisper. 

“What are you doing here? Not that I’m complaining. Great timing you have,” Sigrun noticed the tension and steered the conversation away from darker topics.

“Wish we got here sooner,” Kallian answered The fact that the entire squad of Legion members had been wiped out gave her momentary pause but Wardens could sense darkspawn; they wouldn’t be ambushed. “You’re the last of the Legion?”

“Looks that way,” again Sigrun shrugged as if losing everyone in her squad was of no big consequence. 

Kallian turned to Sigrun, “We need to eliminate the darkspawn here. Chasm like this, they’re just gonna keep pouring out. I wouldn’t mind having you help us out - if you’re up for it.”

“Fighting darkspawn is my life… or death, I suppose. Either way, I’m in!”

 

* * *

 

 

What the fuck are  _ the children _ ? Kallian felt goosebumps creeping along her arms just thinking about it. The dying dwarf had barely managed to get out a warning before succumbing to his injuries. So now Kallian was left with an ominous warning that meant literally nothing to her. And she was in the Deep Roads. Again. 

Once more she breathed in deeply through her nose, out through her mouth, focusing only on the feeling of her chest expanding with each breath. So far only spiders had attacked, and each time Kallian welcomed the giant beasts - another distraction. A look over her shoulder told her Anders was not doing particularly well either. His jaw was clenched, silence oppressive without his usual chatty banter. She couldn’t find it in herself to contribute either.

“Quiet bunch, aren't you, wardens?” Sigrun broke the silence.

“It’s not the most pleasant place to be. Doesn’t really make me feel particularly chatty,” Anders replied with a snarky tone. 

“Maybe I’ll sing, or whistle!” Sigrun’s animated mood would not be deterred.

Kallian felt a tingling at the back of her neck, and sarcastically called out in a sing-song voice, “Darkspawn ahead!”

With a glance and a tilt of her head, Kallian indicated Sigrun circle around the opposite side of the approaching group, while Kallian took the other. An arrow fired from Nathaniel drew their attention head on and Oghren met them with his axe swinging wildly and a maniacal roar.

A sharp elbow to her gut knocked her off balance but Sigrun was by her side, sliding into the space to sink an axe into darkspawn skull with a satisfying thud. Both experienced at fighting the darkspawn, Sigrun and Kallian worked together with near effortless grace, knowing exactly where they needed to be without words.  

“Watch out!” A voice hollered from ahead of them

Leaping back in alarm, Kallian saw Anders waving his hands at them as a flaming hurlock fled in their direction. She saw it fumbling blindly and without a second thought, stuck out her foot, sending the creature tumbling to the ground as it shrieked. Again Sigrun’s timing was impeccable and her axes gave the hurlock a swift death.

The small group had been easy to dispatch as they met them from the front and behind, trapping them in a back to back attack. The last darkspawn charged towards Nate and Anders, and without flinching, Nate drew his bow and let loose a single arrow. It landed in darkspawn’s eye socket, not four feet from where Nathaniel was standing - he hadn’t even batted an eye.

Still, Kallian was left sweating and breathless.  _ The deep roads won’t get to me. I swear to the fucking Maker. _ She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, trying to slow her breathing as they regrouped. Where normally she would be competing for points per kill, and laughing off their victory, Kallian was withdrawn and serious. 

“Lead the way, Sigrun,” said Kallian who fell back to walk in step with Anders.

“To the darkspawn horde we go!” Her cheery voice responded from the front of their small crew.

“Anders?” Kallian looked up at the lanky man, seeming to be lost in his own thoughts, by the look of his furrowed brow.

He blinked and his brow smoothed. “Oh, did you need healing? Are you injured?” His eyes flitted over her body searching for wounds.

“Nah, I’m fine. Kind of. What was that spell you did when we were in the Deep Roads the last time?”

Anders quirked an eyebrow at her, his mouth turning up at one corner. “Sorry, Commander, you’ll need to be a tad bit more specific. I tend to cast a lot of spells.”

“The one where, you know, I felt better. Energized?”

“Oh!” Anders waved his hand, a glow of light accompanied the feeling of warmth spreading through Kallian’s body.

She sighed, “Thanks.” Her heart rate was strong, no longer going out of control. Better to handle it now before they were in a fight and she suddenly couldn’t breathe. 

“No problem,” Anders replied easily, before eyeing her warily from the side. “Are you alright?” 

Kallian glanced up ahead, seeing her comrades observing the tunnels with vigilance, on alert for darkspawn or other cave dwelling creatures. No one was paying attention to her at the moment. Better for her to share with Anders if she was going to keep asking him for magical help.

“I need you to keep up that spell. If you can - just while we’re down here.” She brushed sweaty strands of hair back from her face. “I don’t do well in the Deep Roads.”

“But you’re a grey warden!”

“Shhh,” Kallian hissed at him, swinging an arm out to hold him further back from the others. “Yeah, I fucking realize that. Let’s not scream that out in front of the man who basically trusts me to do shit-all.”

Anders pursed his lips, eyes flicking from hers to where her fists gripped his robes in a vice. 

“Sorry,” she said, and pulled back from him. “I can fight, and I  _ can _ kill darkspawn like there’s no fucking tomorrow. I have to be here; I just don’t know what else to do. It’s my fucking job.” Kallian finished with aloud exhale, imploring him to understand. Anders was no stranger to hardship - he  _ had _ to know she was trying to do the best she could with what she was handed.

“You realize if I’m keeping up this spell I have less mana to actually help with fighting, right?”

Kallian nodded, though she hadn’t considered that aspect of it. “Well if I can’t fight properly, we get shat on. You’ll have less mana but at least we’ll  _ both _ be able to make ourselves useful.”

Anders nodded with thoughtful consideration. “Fine, then consider your life in my hands dear lady,” he said as he swept down into an elegant bow, only looking up to throw a wink at Kallian. 

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Maybe I won’t regret keeping you around.”

“I am both hurt and offended, Commander. I happen to provide a great…  _ ass _ et to this team,” Anders affronted. 

“I’ll kick your  _ asset _ ,” Kallian couldn’t help laughing at him.

The wide open cavern they had entered through began to narrow and slope. The pale beams of light that pierced through cracks high above them diminished as they moved deeper into the tunnel. Dim grey light gave Kallian enough to see, but she noticed Nate falter ahead as he squinted in the shadowy hall. 

“Forgot how stinkin’ dark it is down here,” Oghren huffed his disapproval.

“And tight,” Anders’ strained voice followed, lagging behind them. “Are all the tunnels this narrow?”

“Only the ones the darkspawn carve out. The Deep Roads though - the proper paths - those are enormous. As wide as they are tall, with lava running along the paths to light the entire way.” Sigrun pulled out a torch from her pack. “Oi, mage-boy, light this torch for me would you? Last thing we need is being ambushed because we couldn’t see.”

Anders walked with stiff movements to where the dwarf held out her torch. He kept glancing up at the low ceiling, gaze darting back and forth at the walls only about six feet apart. 

“But I guess we don’t need to worry too much about that,” Sigrun continued on jovially. “Wardens sense darkspawn, don’t they?”

Kallian wasn’t surprised about this knowledge. The dwarves were always privy to more information about the wardens than anyone else. How many did the Legion of the Dead see off to their own deaths? She suppressed a shudder.

“Alright Anders?”

“Never better.” He flashed a grin, but as he turned back she saw his jaw clenching as once again his head tilted back to look at the low ceiling of the tunnel. 

“There’s something up ahead, do you hear that?” Sigrun stopped in front of everyone. 

The pulsing footfalls matched the thrumming at the base of Kallian’s neck, growing in intensity and spreading with a tingling sharpness. Something large, and many darkspawn.

“Ogre!” She cried.

And an outpouring of more darkspawn came at them from around the curved path of the cave they were following. The heavy rumble of footsteps grew as the ogre trailed behind them. Blood stained its mouth, horns dripping in gore already. Sigrun’s legionnaires? Its roar shook the stone, blood and spittle flying from its gaping maw. 

“You need to take out the horde before we can get the ogre!” Nathaniel raised his voice above the clamouring of armour and throaty growls. 

Oghren charged with a wild swing of his axe, hacking off a head, blood spraying across himself. He grinned as his fists tightened over the hilt of his greataxe. The swarm moved towards him and Kallian moved in behind the creatures with sure footsteps. The area of the cave was narrow though, and soon she found the attention of several pairs of black eyes trained on her. 

They were a wall, an impenetrable line of darkspawn forming with nowhere to move around, only enough space to retreat, but Oghren was already in the thick of things, as usual. He was crashing through the lines, covered in a likely mix of his own blood and the darkspawn he was hacking through. 

Kallian ducked when a blood encrusted mace swung at her head, finding herself backed up against the wall.

“Shit!” 

She swung out a leg around the ankle of the closest darkspawn, bringing it to the ground and throwing the other two off balance. Using a hand to push herself off the wall, she grabbed the small knife from her boot and thrust it down into the darkspawn’s neck. The other two were closing in again, and she unsheathed her daggers.

“A little help!” She called out. 

Tremors shook the ground and, crouched as she was, Kallian was able to remain standing, but saw Anders lose his balance and the spell he had been casting fizzled into nothing. The ogre roared again, slamming fists on the ground to send everyone to their knees. 

“It’s going to bring the bloody ceiling down on top of us!” Anders stared with horror as rocks cascaded from broken stalactites. 

“We need to bring it down. Now!” Kallian cried back at him. 

That second was all the genlock needed to smash a gauntlet clad fist into her face. She saw stars, hearing rather than feeling a crack, warmth dripping down across her lips. Stunned for a moment, it was only her training that kept her daggers out in front of herself, fending off a second attack. 

She leaned back, snapping her leg up to kick the genlock back with a jab to its chest. Despite the leverage she had, her own strength was no match for the stocky darkspawn and it only stumbled backwards, the other one managing to strike her shoulder with a shield. Kallian hit the cavern wall hard, tasting the coppery blood running into her mouth and seeing stars. 

“The commander needs us!” A male voice rang out over the din.

An arrow pierced through the armour of one of the many darkspawn surging forward. Another in quick succession took it down when it met soft neck tissue. 

The genlock struck again, taking advantage of her dazed state, and she was too slow to block the swing. Shield met bone with a crunch and sharp pain in her shoulder and she groaned, dropping her weapon. A blackened sword arced towards Kallian’s head. 

“Not bloody likely!” The angry shout was accompanied by a wave of solid ice. 

Kallian sank to the ground away from the sword frozen only a foot above where her head had just been, panting in earnest. 

While another deafening roar shook the cavern, Anders squatted beside Kallian, pressing his hands to her face. The ogre was charging forward now, with more dead darkspawn leaving an opening. Anders glanced over his shoulder, and cast another paralysis spell, but it was weaker, only holding a few darkspawn. His mana must be running low.

“I need to reset your nose before I heal it, otherwise it’ll be crooked. Not sure you want that,” he reassured her in gentle tones, though his smile was tight as the battle raged on just behind him. 

“Hurry up,” Kallian barely answered before she was groaning and blinking tears from her eyes as his thumbs snapped the bridge of her nose back into place.

The swell of healing magic washed over her face, dulling the throbbing down. 

“My shoulder too. I think,” Kallian urgently gestured to her left side. 

Soft fingers pressed along her shoulder and stopped at her collarbone when she stiffened and hissed. Again the soothing spell enveloped her body in a swath of healing magic and she was able to rotate her left arm again. She grabbed her dropped dagger and steeled her gaze.

“Let’s end this bastard,” Kallian said. 

“Wait!” Anders called but she was already leaping towards the hulking monster.

In a move she had already done too many times in a single year, Kallian threw herself onto the beast’s back. Her daggers acting as handholds, she scaled up its back. The ogre bent forward, slamming its fists on the ground and thrashing to and fro.

Kallian held on tightly to her dagger hilts, bracing herself against its back. A sharp shake to the right and a twinge went through her left shoulder, grip weakening. As if in slow motion, she flew to one side, losing her grip completely as her palm slipped along the sweat slicked handle and off of the dagger entirely.  Her right hand slid off the other dagger and with a yelp her small body was flung against the cave wall. Her head cracked and she fell to the ground motionless. Sound dulled around her and her vision tunneled as a giant fist reached towards her.

 

* * *

 

  
  


She slowly became aware of a swaying motion. Head pounding, feeling overly warm and sweaty, Kallian tried to piece together what was happening. Moving? Being carried.  _ Zevran _ . Warmth. Safety. She rolled her shoulders with a groan. Not pain, but tightness, like an overworked muscle. 

“Commander?” The deep raspy voice of Nathaniel was far closer than she was used to. 

Holy Maker. Shit. Tits.  _ Not _ Zevran. “Put me down!” Kallian rasped, losing all dignity through her whining and ungraceful roll to the ground. 

“I can’t believe you’re okay after that. I’ve seen plenty of dwarves go flying across the caves but most don’t get up to tell the tale,” Sigrun chattered while holding a hand out to her fellow rogue. 

“I happen to be a pretty decent healer,” Anders said grimly. “I can see why others wouldn’t have survived that.”

“Maker, my head,” Kallian groaned with a palm to her forehead. “Where are we? Why were you carrying me?” she asked, blushing deeply. She had a vague memory of climbing an ogre’s back.

“We needed to get away. Oghren and Sigrun both seemed to believe it was better to move away from the fight, where the noise could still have attracted more darkspawn to us. So I, er, carried you,” Nathaniel explained without making eye contact.

“How long was I out?” 

“Only about ten minutes,” Anders replied.

Kallian looked around, as if another cavern would somehow inform her how far they had walked. It was getting warmer so she knew they were getting deeper into the shithole that is the Deep Roads. 

“Right. Okay. Sigrun, Oghren, keep leading the way,” she managed to order without betraying any weakness in her voice.

As the party picked up their pace, Kallian looked to Anders. Her pounding head was down to a dull roar but her stomach was growing queasy. More healing magic was once again in need. 

He nodded, though his expression remained worried. A discreet glance around showed everyone’s attention was pointed ahead, and he cast the spell, pale light enveloping him and Kallian as he poured his magic into her. 

As the magic warmed her, Kallian’s head no longer felt like it was two sizes too big, and her breathing came easier. The nausea only grew. Was it possible she was becoming too dependent on Anders already? Could his magic somehow be having less of an effect? She had been healed time and again by Wynne. She couldn’t say it ever felt less effective than the previous times. Unless… his mana was getting dangerously low. She swallowed audibly, repeating the words in her head that she had told Anders. Better she was able to fight than not. 

Luckily, the winding tunnels they had been following were beginning to open up. Anders’ expression brightened considerably as they filed out into a wide open chamber. The ceiling was high above them, space to maneuver, and there were no darkspawn around to everyone’s surprise. 

“Never thought we’d make it out of those tunnels,” Anders sighed.

Even Nathaniel stood straighter, readjusting his quiver on his back. “Out of the tunnels yes, but into where exactly?”

“Well spank me and call me a nug,” Oghren grunted, staring ahead, “There it is.”

Sigrun cast him a glare then swept an arm out and said with an awestruck voice, “The entrance to Kal’Hirol.”

Ahead were a pair of enormous stonework doors. From floor to ceiling they barricaded the divide between the desolate cavern with once majestic, now crumbling walls and the ancient dwarven city. The enormity of the dwarven history still took Kallian’s breath away. So many things buried and lost to darkspawn, while on the surface they all worried about fending off the Blight, here still was the proof that the dwarves were in an ever losing battle. 

“Don’t know why you lot are all caught up staring. Just another buncha rocks and dust that dwarves of old lost to their own sodding pride,” Oghren took a swig of whatever was in his waterskin and spit. 

Sigrun rounded on him, losing her starry-eyed wonder as she placed her hands on her hips to scold him, “Oghren! How can you not care? There’s so-” 

High pitched squealing cut her off and everyone’s hands flew to their weapons. Erupting from small pods in a spray of yellow pus were horrible scaled creatures with insect-like legs and hard shells like beetles accompanied by a horrible crawling sensation up the back of Kallian’s spine. Tri-pointed maws opened to reveal rows of tiny sharp teeth as they screeched. 

“What the fuck are those things?” Kallian cried in alarm as more sprung from the strange pods that 

“You mean you don’t know?” Nathaniel matched her tone, rolling his shoulders at the sickening feeling he had though his eyes were already trained on the approaching creatures while he knocked an arrow. 

“Ugh!” Sigrun screamed when she buried a hatchet in a creature’s head, and pulled it out with a spew of steaming pus.

The weird grub-like things were swarming them. The wardens were far outnumbered but blows to the head and soft underbelly brought the things down quickly. Kallian whirled on one that was coming up behind her. With a shriek it reared back and green spit came out of its mouth, splashing her across her cheek and neck.

Wiping her face with the back of her hand, she lunged forward as the creature froze in its place. “Nice timing, Anders,” Kallian praised the mage when she was able to quickly take it out without being sprayed yet again.

From the left, more of the unsightly abominations were crawling towards them. Nathaniel’s arrows were making quick work of most of them before they were upon the group, but Kallian noted his quiver was running low. Soon the only ranged attacks they would have would be from Anders, and his mana was better put to healing and assisting. 

Oghren yelled as he got blasted in the face by the same foul-smelling spit that Kallian had. She gulped, feeling her stomach turning. She ran out ahead of their group, willing herself to go faster, each hit followed by a fluid turn to meet the next attacker. She was running out of breath, sweat stinging as it dripped into her eyes. In spite of the heat, her skin felt clammy and cold, a tremor spreading through her limbs. She wiped her face again. Shit. 

“Poison!” She gasped, swinging her daggers like she was drunk, barely able to make another killing slash at the creature leaping at her. 

Her body was losing the ability to follow orders. She had seen Oghren get hit, his movements had also turned sluggish. Who else had been poisoned? Kallian retreated, seeing Nate and Anders upright at least. Up ahead Sigrun still fought, splashes of poisonous spittle were all over her armour, but she must not have gotten any on her skin as she was still striking with deadly accuracy. 

Pressing her lips together to hold back the vomit, Kallian tried to resist the poison. She would not go down again. Her vision swam for a moment, and she swallowed thickly, world tilting as she swayed off balance.

“I’m out of arrows,” Nathaniel yelled to Anders where they both stood away from the immediate fighting. 

There were only a few more of the things attacking. They were lucky. This time. Anders called for Oghren and Kallian to pull back to him so he could see if some healing magic would help while Nathaniel switched to daggers to help Sigrun finish off the last of the monsters. 

The warmth of a rejuvenation spell tingled across Kallian’s skin and the weakness travelling through her limbs receded somewhat. 

“Sorry, that’s the best I can do,” Anders leaned back, pulling his sweat dampened hair back into a tighter ponytail. 

“Just feels a bit like I got into the hard stuff,” Oghren leaned heavily on his axe.

Anders smiled for real for the first time since they went underground. “Oh? I bet I could drink you under the table, dwarf.”

Oghren snorted. “Ha! You don’t stand a chance, skirt boy.”

Kallian looked out at the mess of carcasses, watching Nathaniel retrieve arrows, yanking them out one by one with a sickening squelch each time. She shuddered. 

“You think  _ those _ were,” Kallian clamped her jaw shut, trying to get her nausea under control before continuing, “The children?” 

“I’ve never seen any sort of darkspawn like that before. Maybe. Nasty things. No wonder Jukka was shook up. Makes your hair stand on end, you know?” Sigrun walked back over, covered in dark ichor and pus but not looking any worse for the wear besides some minor cuts. 

“Andraste’s tits. As if the Deep Roads weren’t bad enough,” Kallian cursed, closing her eyes. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Kallian,” Anders’ voice was too loud beside her all of a sudden. “You’ve gone quite pale.”

With surprising speed, Kallian got to her hands and knees, crawled only feet away, and retched, letting loose all of her stomach contents and then continued dry heaving when there was nothing left. With a shaky hand she wiped her lips, turning to find Nate frowning above her.

“I didn’t take you for the sort with a weak stomach, Commander.”

Just when she thought she was earning his respect. Then she threw up again.    
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Losing It

“Are you okay?” Anders asked softly, using that same calming healer voice Kallian had seen in Wynne.

She nodded automatically. Funny enough, she  _ did _ feel better. A lot better. Though her stomach was empty, the queasiness was completely gone. 

An underground ancient dwarven city wasn’t the ideal place for throwing up but sure, her body felt like going insane, may as well with talking darkspawn on the rise. Still sounded weird thinking about it:  _ talking _ darkspawn. It was time to get back to business. 

“Camp here for now, then we can head into the city tomorrow. Or later. Not like we know what time it is down here,” Kallian pulled herself off the ground.

“Actually, it is getting late, camp sounds good. Also we need to find another way in,” Sigrun motioned at the large stone door.

“Let me guess,” Kallian groaned, “locked from the other side, broken door mechanism or whatever?”

“No, actually just loads of darkspawn on the other side and probably a good number of traps that the other Legion of the Dead members didn’t already set off. We could try that way, but there’s always secret side entrances. Up to you, Commander.”

Kallian smirked. “Isn’t it always?” She murmured to herself. 

“It sounds like Sigrun’s idea to find the hidden entrance would work best. If they took out an entire squadron of the Legion of the Dead, let’s just say I’d rather not test your bravery with my own life, Commander,” Nathaniel had to put in his rather smarmy opinion.

“I’m not about to storm the gate, Nate,” Kallian spoke his name in the embodiment of an audible eye roll. “We’ll camp here, and look around once we wake up.”

Without needing to shield themselves from the elements, camp was a pretty simple process of clearing away rubble and slapping down their bedrolls. Fire came quick with Anders to help and Kallian once again found herself thankful for, and envious of, the mage. If only  _ she _ could call fire to her hands - now that would kill some fucking darkspawn. 

She stared into the fire, going over plans and preparations, trying to stop herself imagining worst-case scenarios while the others chattered on. She took a deep breath, not particularly anxious to fall asleep and open herself up to the darkspawn dreams. Maybe since they were still relatively close to the surface they wouldn’t yet be too awful. 

Kallian tuned into Nathaniel’s conversation. “Where did you train, Sigrun? You are remarkably good with a blade. I’m sure a valued member of the Legion of the Dead.” 

Sigrun laughed leaving Nathaniel with a trace of confusion in his eyes. “If you call fighting for scraps of food training then I’ve had the best. Life is the hardest bitch there is!”

Snorting, Kallian echoed a, “Here, here!” as the nobles did, albeit in a mocking tone.

“Sorry, I had no idea,” Nathaniel was taken aback.

“Nobles-” Kallian and Sigrun laughed meeting each other's’ eyes as they spoke at the same time. 

“I’ll take first watch then, eh Warden?” Oghren nodded over at her.

Now used to Oghren’s near constant drinking, Kallian had found him to be perfectly capable when they were in the Deep Roads, and once his darkspawn sense kicked into full power, he would be formidable. 

“Wake me up for second then,” Kallian agreed, taking the middle watch since she knew she wouldn’t sleep well anyway.

This turned out to be entirely too true and she tossed and turned. It was like she was back in the Blight when the dreams first started hitting her with force. Alistair was often awake too, and they would pass the time with a card game or two, sometimes just telling little anecdotes of their lives. She missed him, but she missed the soothing feel of skin on skin in the comfort Zevran provided. She missed touch. 

At some point sleep must have come because then Oghren was shaking her awake and he was trotting off to his own bedroll. She sat up, instantly alert, and quickly strapped on her armour, holding a blade in her lap. The air was still, and Kallian was left with yet another reminder of why she hated being underground: everything was stagnant. 

With the tingling sense of darkspawn only faintly tugging at her, Kallian allowed herself to once more lose herself in thoughts, knowing she would sense if danger was near. She spared a glance at the large door, knowing behind that barrier a horde lay somewhere in wait. 

Idle fingers twisted at her golden hooped earring, a silent prayer that Zevran was still be safe - as best he could in his situation. The ache was still fresh on his sudden departure after only barely reconciling when they both tried to regain their balance in the wake of the ended Blight. She wouldn’t lose him now. 

Best for her to focus on killing darkspawn. As if sparked by her own thoughts, an intense buzzing began at the back of her head and she stood, hands gripping her blades. A moment of tension but the unsettling sensation faded when the source moved away. 

Her watch continued in much the same way, wary with every spike in tingling awareness, until the buzzing dimmed down to the background once more. She knew the more time that passed, as each of her Grey Wardens came into their senses, the darkspawn in turn would sense them too and they wouldn’t be able to camp so peacefully the further in they moved.

Sigrun stirred first, the rest of the party slowly rousing in turn - she had stayed up through third watch, unknowing, when she hadn’t felt the need for sleep that would normally tell her to switch. A breakfast of strips of meat sizzled over their fire, and Kallian savoured the taste. Once their perishables were used up it would be dried meats and bland porridges. 

She stood, dousing the fire and wrapping up her bedroll to strap her gear to her back. “Start skimming the walls for a hidden switch or something. We don’t want to go through that main hall unless we have to. I don’t fancy being darkspawn food after we’ve all just become such good friends,” Kallian flashed an innocent smile to their grumpy archer. 

It was unsurprisingly Sigrun who located the pressure plate nestled into elaborate stone carvings. A door slid open with a grinding screech of stone on stone, clouds of dust billowing around them making everyone blink and shield their eyes.

“Excellent! Now we just get to stumble around through caves until we find our way to the horde and kill them all!” Anders said in a falsely cheerful voice. 

And stumble they did.

Several turns lead to blocked passageways, there were stretches of unbearably hot roads with lava bubbling on either side of them, and whether from heat or stress, Kallian began to feel lightheaded.

Sweat was beading across her forehead and a glance behind her showed Nate swiping across his brow Anders becoming more sullen, looking down at his feet as they walked. 

As their path began to widen, Kallian drew her weapons. “There’s darkspawn up ahead.” She dropped her pack, the others following suit. 

“Really eerie how you can do that, you know?” Anders pulled his staff from his back, his face brightening as the tunnel opened up.

“Just wait til you all start feeling it,” said Kallian, arching her neck and rolling her shoulders in habit of trying to shake of the tingling up and down her spine.

The first of the darkspawn sensed the senior warden of the group and turned around, echoing a cry of warning to rouse the horde into battle. An arrow flew past her ear and embedded itself into the wall behind her and Kallian ducked and rolled for cover behind a rock.

Anders and Nate ran in and worked in tandem to take down the archers while Kallian and Sigrun sprinted from their cover to bring down enemies now bent on taking down the men. An arrow pierced through her blue gambeson but the thick leather she had covering her chest stopped it from reaching skin. Kallian yanked it out of the material, tossing it to the side as she stabbed into the eyeball of a genlock running at her. She pulled back, blood pouring out of the ruined eye socket.

A strangled groan sounded. “Uh, I need healing!” Sigrun yelled, much farther away from them than she had just been a second before.

Sigrun was down on her knee, blood seeping from between her fingers clapped over the back of her thigh. Oghren was swinging his axe, the only thing keeping Sigrun from being finished off. 

“Anders can you get to her?” Kallian yelled over the blood pounding in her ears.

“I can try!” He yelled, letting out a series of blasts from his staff as he ran.

More darkspawn poured into the tunnel, the noise of battle calling their attention. Her chest tightened and she swallowed to keep the growing panic down. This was her job. She was good at killing things, so  _ go fucking kill them _ ! With a snarl, she leapt at the hurlock, sliding between its wide stance to hamstring it and sink a blade into its spine. 

A flurry of magical energy released upon them and Kallian fell backwards, about to berate Anders for his carelessness when she realized with a pit in her stomach - the magic wasn’t from Anders. 

“Nate, we need to get that emissary and we need to do it fast,” Kallian urged.

“I’ll take care of it,” he answered without looking at her, already lining up his shot. 

Ducking away from him, Kallian sliced through another pair of genlocks looking to bring them both down, giving her archer time and space to get that headshot. She had no templar assistance now, and Anders was busy trying to heal so she could only hope for Nathaniel’s arrow to fly true. 

He grunted suddenly and Kallian’s stomach dropped in horror seeing the glowing light surrounding him as he gasped and struggled to breath, held in place as the spell began to close around him. 

She had moments. Moments to end the emissary’s life before the spell ended her warden. Moments to make a split decision as she looked into Nate’s eyes clouded with pain and fear, hands twitching with every pulse of light. A snap of bones and blood coughed up at a pained wheeze from him and her decision was made.

Kallian ran, relying on her speed to duck under a wide-swung sword and dance out of the way of a falling darkspawn corpse coated in ice. She yanked a small knife from her belt and threw, landing it in the shoulder of the emissary, shifting its attention to her.

“Anders- Ah!” Kallian lurched, falling as her right leg seized up an arrow deeply embedded in her thigh. 

The emissary glided smoothly towards her. Shaking hands hovered over her wound, afraid to touch and make it worse, but needing the grinding metal  _ out _ . Another knife in her hands, she flung it with a sharp flick of her wrist, panting heavily as she watched it drive into the black mottled forehead, the body of the emissary crumpling to the ground. 

Again an arrow struck her, drawing a gash across her upper arm, but pinned as she was, Kallian could only try to drag herself across the floor to try and avoid the onslaught. 

She had a single throwing knife left and tried to keep her hand steady to land a hit on her attacker. She grit her teeth, breathing harshly through the pain. It sailed through the air, flying right past the hurlock archer. 

“Dammit!” She cursed frantically, scooching backwards up against a rock, grasping at a dead genlock, looking for anything she could use long-range. 

The sharp edges of a rock scraped her palm and Kallian laughed weakly, throwing it hard at the darkspawn’s ugly face. It was stunned momentarily and Kallian used the time to try to pull herself around behind the stone, groaning as every shift jostled the arrow in her leg, more sticky blood pouring forth.

She couldn’t move fast enough and another arrow lanced through her shoulder, the crease of unprotected skin where she needed freedom of movement over thick protection. Her right arm now immobilized, Kallian held her blade in front of her with her left, hand unsteady. 

The blood was warm flowing over her and she knew she was losing too much, feeling faint.

A body slammed into her, picking her up and making her screech as the arrows embedded in her limbs shifted and cut into her even further. Yelling echoed across the halls but her head was swimming from pain as she was carried backwards.

Blond hair brushed against her face as she was lowered to the ground.

“Anders,” Kallian spoke hoarsely, “Gotta heal Nate.”

His mouth was set into a grim line as he looked to her right, where she saw dark hair spilling across a far too pale face. Had she not been fast enough? What the fuck was the point if she couldn’t keep her wardens from dying on her?

Anders opened his small satchel and gulped down a glowing blue potion. 

“I’ll help you in a second, just try not to move, okay?”

He closed his eyes in concentration, and then blue light enveloped him and extended from outstretched hands to Nathaniel’s body. 

_ I wasn’t too late _ . The relief was crushing and Kallian allowed her eyes to close as her head sank back against the ground. In the silence she realized the fighting had ceased. 

“Always knew you were blighted crazy.” Oghren’s bloodspattered face swam into her vision.

Nathaniel groaned, hissing between his teeth as the magic flowed through him. 

“That should do for now. You’ll be tender but the bones have knit back together,” Anders murmured.

“And the Commander?” Nathaniel grabbed onto the healers arm.

“I can heal her too. It’s going to hurt like a bitch though,” Anders winced.

Kallian nodded, she had been hit with arrows before. It was that foreknowledge that made her tremble in anticipation.

“Anyone have a belt?” Anders requested as he pulled back his hair, refastening the band at the nape of his neck. He took the wordlessly offered leather from Nathaniel, turning to Kallian and holding it out for her. “Might be best to bite down on this. I’ll get the one in your shoulder first but i’ll have to... Er... dig the one out of your leg.”

She took the belt between her teeth, nodding that she was ready as she was turned to lean on her left side so the arrow head could be clipped off. A hand braced on her shoulder, Anders pulled the shaft straight out and Kallian’s entire body tensed up, sweat beading on her face as she whimpered. 

“You’re doing great Commander, just have to get the one in the leg.” A wash of magic soothed the burn of the hole in her shoulder and then she tensed again as Anders looked down at her thigh. 

A finger prodded at the wound entry and Kallian choked back a groan, only to thrash and jerk when that finger slid down alongside the arrowhead, stretching open the torn skin. 

“Hold her still,” Anders’ clipped tones urged the dwarves. 

Arms were clasping down on her shoulders and shins and Kallian screamed again when that fucking finger dug further into her flesh. Steel shifted and sliced as Anders pulled at the shaft, slowly maneuvering it through her thigh to pull it out without causing more damage.

She panted, biting down on the thick leather, grunting and screaming once more as he yanked it free at last, blood rapidly pooling in the empty hole left behind. Kallian panted, trembling and soaked in sweat. 

Magic infused her once more, bringing arteries back together and sealing skin smooth over top. Kallian unclenched her teeth letting the belt drop and sighed with a whispered thank you. Sigrun and Anders helped her to her feet and she wobbled for a moment, vision tunnelling for a second.

Oghren similarly had helped Nate to his feet, who grimaced but at least stood firm. 

Leaning heavily on Anders, Kallian pressed her eyes shut as they moved forwards, trying to will her dizziness away. Her throat tightened and she felt bile rising up.

“Maker, no,” she groaned, and fell forwards to her knees, letting loose the contents of her stomach for the second time in two days.

“Hey, whoa there,” Anders knelt quickly beside her, helping her to lean back against the cave wall.

“Oghren is,” she panted, sweat slicked skin making it hard for her to hold steady against the wall. “Oghren is in charge.”

“The drunk?” Nathaniel stormed forward. 

Kallian wiped the back of her mouth, vomit still tasting like acid in the back of her throat. “Yes, Oghren. We’re in the deep roads, he’s a dwarf, he’s faced far more darkspawn than the,” Kallian slid down the wall, putting her head into her knees. “than the rest of you.” she mumbled. 

Stomach empty, blood smeared across her legs and shoulder, Kallian felt drained of all energy in a way she hadn’t experienced before - not from so few injuries. She had braved far worse during the Blight. 

Moments passed as her wardens shifted on their feet uncomfortably. She stood with a hand on the wall and gestured forward. “Lead on, Oghren,” she said reluctantly.

“Whatever you need, Commander, Warden, Ser,” Oghren saluted and marched on ahead.

“I know I don’t do well in dark, cramped places, but seriously are you okay?” Anders held back to speak to her as he helped her along.

Kallian gulped back some water and for the first time a note of fear crept into her voice. “I don’t know. We just have to make it out of here.”

The task grew more daunting the longer they walked. For miles they only came across deepstalkers which they swiftly killed. After more backtracking and trying a different tunnel, they were once again back into a main road with lava on either side and they were back to sweating, drinking too much water even with every effort to conserve it.

Several more times she lost her breakfast, and her dinner too. Anders even gave her some of his water, as she used more and more to settle her stomach and keep hydrated from her constant sweating. On the fourth day, she simply didn’t eat, and though tired, pale and withdrawn, Kallian didn’t purge her stomach once. She hung to the back when they fought darkspawn, lashing out when they came near but not chasing them down to strike their backs. In the back of her mind, she wondered how much longer she could hold out this way. The wary looks from Anders beside her told her that he was thinking the same thing. 

The fourth night they made camp, Kallian felt she was losing her edge. She hugged her knees to her chest, wishing and praying it would be over soon. Some days she couldn’t keep meals down for more than twenty minutes, and her interrupted sleep was draining her stamina, as much as she had, her body seemed to be failing her. Every day they were down there she her fear grew: of being taken by broodmothers, trapped in the darkness, gasping at stale air. 

A cry jolted her out of the downward spiral. Nathaniel was sitting up in his bedroll after just falling asleep after his watch not an hour ago.

He looked around with eyes wild, hair mussed before finding Kallian’s deep brown, calmly blinking at him.

“Darkspawn. I swear they were… was it a dream? It felt so real, so… they’re close aren’t they?” He finally surmised, rubbing subconsciously at the back of his neck the way Kallian often did.

“Yeah, and those dreams… it’s going to happen a lot down here,” she shuddered visibly.

“You haven’t slept.”

“Of course I’ve slept,” she snapped, the lie obvious as she sat there wide awake.

Nathaniel rested an elbow on his knee. “No, you haven’t. Every time I’ve been on watch you toss and turn. Are your dreams… bad?”

“Dreams, memories, it’s all the same. I’ve had some pretty shit experiences in the Deep Roads so yeah, okay, I’m not coping great.” Her face heated, admitting to the weakness she knew he saw in her.

He didn’t press for details. “I’m understanding this warden business a bit better now,” Nathaniel replied evenly. His piercing eyes met hers, lacking the distrust she was used to. “It was reckless, but if you hadn’t taken those hits, I would probably be dead. So, thank you. Commander,” he added with a twitch of a smile.

“I never claimed to be the smartest one here,” Kallian let the snark creep into her voice. “But sometimes you have to risk it to get the biscuit.”

Surprisingly, Nate laughed. “Risk it to get the biscuit?”

Kallian snickered. “Yup. Used to say it to my cousin when we tried to steal cookies from the baker. You didn’t die so I’d say it was worth the risk. Pretty painful on my end though. Remind me not to get struck by arrows again.”

He smiled. “Remind me to watch your back better. We all need to watch each other's’ backs down here.”

“That we do.”

* * *

 

Whatever sickness had gripped her over the past several days seemed to have passed and the plain oatmeal had settled her stomach quite comfortably. Kallian was back at the front of their group, strengthened with food and bolstered with confidence much to everyone’s relief - though Anders still kept a close watch on her, and now with Nathaniel ever vigilant at her side. A mutual understanding was beginning to develop between the rogues and small groups of darkspawn met quick deaths after a hail of arrows and whirl of blades between the two of them. It helped that Anders was still keeping true to his word with rejuvenation spells to boost Kallian’s energy. She felt she had a grasp over her panic. 

They wandered through the tunnels until they merged back onto the typical wide open Deep Roads. Through another cavern they walked into stone halls and old dusty polished stone floors.

“We made it! This is Kal’Hirol!” Sigrun exclaimed, vibrating with energy. “We should be able to track down the growing horde. Jukka  _ swore _ that they were breeding in here.”

“Breeding?” Anders echoed with a disgusted grimace.

Kallian’s stomach plummeted, and air left her in a rush. No. No, no, no. “Don’t say it.”

“I know. I hoped he was wrong, but their numbers are telling us they have to have a broodmother down here,” said Sigrun.

Taking a deep breath Kallian sputtered then shouted, “ _ Fucking Andraste’s flaming asshole _ ! Couldn’t have warned us about that earlier?”

“Colourful,” Oghren chuckled. “We’ve killed one before, Commander, we can do it again.”

She didn’t want to worry the others too much but she really wanted to remind Oghren that their last encounter had ended with Zevran near strangled by tentacles, Morrigan and Wynne without mana, and Kallian herself with a fractured skull from being whipped against the fucking ceiling. 

“It  _ is _ our duty,” Kallian spoke, wishing she could just turn away.

It was eerie to walk through the long forgotten halls, footsteps echoing, brushing cobwebs aside. That must have been why everyone jumped when a ghostly dwarven silhouette ran across their path.

“Did you just?” said Nate.

“See a ghost appear?” Sigrun finished the question. “Yeah, I did. I think. Unless the roads are finally getting to me.”

“Is it the veil?” Kallian asked Anders. “I’ve seen something like this before, at Soldier’s Peak. There were ghosts or… spirits re-enacting the events of the battle there.”

Anders nodded stiffly. “If there are spirits here, there must have been a lot of death. Be wary, but they shouldn’t harm us.”

Every few turns they made, they saw more of the spirit dwarves, clashing in battle, or shouting for evacuation. It struck Kallian how much the dwarves had lost, running away as city after city fell. 

With her wardens now coming into their own senses, everyone but Sigrun was now ready when they came upon other small groups of darkspawn. They were stronger, cohesive, as they readied their weapons together, prepared for attack before they could even see the oncoming groups. 

Oghren pulled his axe out of yet another skull and they moved on; a trail of death behind them. The one thing that helped ease Kallian’s previous anxiety of the Deep Roads was that she didn’t have to worry about her wardens getting tainted. No brushing hands over wounds to make sure the Blight hadn’t spread, just trust in her comrades to take down the darkspawn efficiently with ruthless skill. 

More spirits whisked across their path and Anders held an arm out, keeping them well back until they disappeared into wisps once more. 

“Do you guys hear that?” Kallian asked to a series of no’s and shaken heads. Damn shems and dwarves with their shit hearing.

She still decided to proceed cautiously, tensing for another battle when the constant buzzing at the base of her skull grew in intensity. 

“There’s definitely something up there,” Anders said in hushed tones. 

This time Kallian was certain she heard noises, and her heart pounded when those noises turned into voices. They crept up to the sounds and still Kallian could not get over the shock of seeing darkspawn talking, no,  _ arguing _ with each other. 

In an instant the hurlock was grabbed between giant hands and ripped apart.

“You and all others who oppose the Mother will die!” 

“Yeah, fucking right,” Kallian sauntered out, drawing her gleaming daggers. “Take the talker, down!” Kallian shouted and they filed into the open.

The darkspawn turned, and held up a rod, a mass of glowing stone and steel groaned, turning on them.

“What in the bloody Maker is that?” Anders stepped backwards.

“A golem. On fire. Brilliant,” Kallian joined him in back up.

Another motion from the rod-wielding talker and flames spewed from the giant golem forcing everyone to retreat away from it. 

“Shit. Okay plan. Anders, you can do ice, right?” He nodded, already casting. “Oghren, draw the golem’s attention to you. The rest of us will get the talker and hopefully we can get the rod before that fire golem burns us to death.”  _ I hope _ . 

Another blast erupted and Anders quelled it with a well-timed wall of ice with Oghren running out with a yell, banging on his chest plate to draw the golem away. 

The talker turned out to be a magic wielder, Kallian quickly learned when a shock of lightning hit her, stunning her momentarily as all her muscles seized up in succession. Sigrun rolled out of the way of another bolt, but was then harshly smacked by the golem’s fist, dropping her to the ground. 

Having regained control of her limbs again, Kallian sprinted to the darkspawn, slicing its wrist when it tried to raise the staff against her. 

“To your left!” Nate called, and she sidestepped left as an arrow whizzed by her right side, sinking into the hurlock’s neck. 

They had the advantage of surprise with the darkspawn apparently not expecting wardens down this far, unlike when they had been ambushed at the keep. 

When the talker dropped, Kallian grabbed at the rod, and cracked it in half across her knee and let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding when the golem’s fists dropped and it ceased all movement. 

“Hey, through here!” Sigrun’s voice echoed from another doorway beyond the golem. 

Kallian hadn’t even seen her get up and already she was rushing ahead without the wardens. In fairness she supposed a legionnaire was pretty comfortable roaming lost Thaigs and tunnels. 

“Andraste’s tits,” Kallian cursed when the doorway opened into fleshy covered floors and walls. Sigrun stepped onto the mass and tentacles shot up, whipping at her as she hacked at them with her dual axes. 

Oghren and Kallian shared a look. At least there was no creepy chanting coming from a ghoul.  _ Sixth day her screams, we hear in our dreams _ . 

Random tentacles kept popping out of the ooze and Kallian, Oghren and Sigrun hacked them down mercilessly. The path opened up into a chamber with a pit in the center of it. The smells of rotting flesh, feces and collected blood nearly made her hurl. The two men behind her sputtered with hands over their mouth and nose. 

“Tell me I’m not gonna see a broodmother when I look down in that pit, Sigrun,” Kallian’s voice was muffled from behind her hand.

Sigrun leaned over, eyes watering from being closer to the putrid stench. “You won’t, Commander,” she said, leaning back, “You’ll see three.”

“Three?” Kallian balked. No wonder it smelled so awful, and the buildup of filth down in that pit… she shuddered, pushing down nausea again, though for good reason this time. 

She had no desire to refresh the images she already had of broodmothers in her mind, and instead set about figuring out how to destroy them. Her first thought was fire, but Anders had just used up huge amounts of mana to keep the ice spells trained on the golem. Acid would work if she actually had enough, but  _ three _ fucking broodmothers?

“Oh sweet Maker, I’m gonna be sick,” Anders groaned, having ventured over to look. 

Nathaniel was green in the face, gulping down more water with his jaw clenched shut.

“Wait, is that… lyrium?” Sigrun was squinting up above them.

Everyone’s gaze pointed upwards, seeing the ball hung from chains, blue lines and spikes weaving through the stone in wild patterns. 

“That would make for one hell of an explosion,” Oghren surmised.

“Risk it to get the biscuit, then?” Nate winked at her.

“You bet,” said Kallian. “Oghren, would you like to do the honours?”

He hefted his axe, slamming down onto the first set of chains, rattling the lyrium above them. He hacked down the second and third much the same until the lyrium bomb was dangling by a single chain, swinging back and forth over the broodmother pit. 

He roared, slamming his great axe down a final time on the fourth chain, clattering of metal ricocheting off the walls and the bomb dropped among horrible screeching, with a flash of light and shaking stone. 

Kallian and the others instinctively dropped to the floor, hands over their heads until the shuddering of stone subsided. A glance over the edge saw not only had the broodmothers been obliterated, but they were buried beneath stone and rubble.

“Well,” Sigrun walked up to the wardens, wiping dust off her shoulders, “we managed to finish the job the legion started. I have to thank you for your help, once again.”

“Do you have other legion members to meet up with now?” Kallian asked.

“I’ll wander into the roads, luck will bring me to others but we’ve ventured so far from Orzammar, I don’t expect to come across anyone else.”

It was a long shot, but Kallian had already become accustomed to working alongside the dwarf. “You could become a warden, join us instead.” More members who had darkspawn experience would always be welcome, presuming she survived the bloody joining.

“Could I do that? I swore an oath, left my life behind to die fighting darkspawn,” Sigrun said in contemplation.

“Well you’d already be fighting more darkspawn!” Kallian grew more animated in her excitement that Sigrun was considering the offer. “And well… I guess if that’s how you want to die… it’s not exactly out of the realm of possibility,” she added as extra persuasion, though Kallian personally felt more that she was saving Sigrun from a lonely death. 

“If you’ll have me, I won’t turn down the chance to work alongside the fabled warriors against darkspawn. I’m your woman, Commander.”

Kallian beamed. One good thing to come out of the nightmarish journey. Covered in grit, grime, days old blood, and sweat, Kallian was beyond ready to get the fuck out. “Then let’s go back to the surface, and I’m jumping in the first body of water we get to, armour and all.”

“Sunlight, dear sweet sunlight, I’m coming for you!” Anders cooed as if speaking to a lover. 

“Lead on, Commander,” Nate said as he adjusted his bow on his back and handed Kallian’s pack back to her. 


End file.
